I wish you could see me now.
Not because I need you to, but because I finally can.
I’m in the most peaceful place I’ve ever known.
If I had known then what I know now, I would’ve fought harder to find myself sooner.
But this version of me needed time to bloom.
She’s softer. She’s stronger. She’s mine.
Peace isn’t just a feeling—it’s a face, and today it looks like me.
Tag: women’s
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Peace looks like me
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I finally see it
I finally see what you were trying to show me all those years ago.That I needed to grow—not louder, not bolder in chaos—but inward.
That my strength wasn’t something to perform, but something to uncover quietly, patiently, within myself.
You knew that validation couldn’t come from applause or attention but from my voice and truth.
Back then, I thought being loud meant being heard.
I thought being “too much” would protect me from being overlooked.
But all it did was leave me with echoes that didn’t feel like mine.
And yet… in that solitude, something miraculous happened.
I met myself.
Not the version shaped by survival or performance, but the one who blooms in silence.
The one who listens to her heart and follows it, even when no one else understands.
For the past few months, I’ve been standing on my own.
Not out of defiance, but out of devotion—to myself.
And every day, I find a better version of me.
Not perfect. Not polished. But real.
Beautiful.
Worthy.
Enough.
So thank you—for planting the seed, even when I wasn’t ready to water it.
I see it now.
And I’m growing.
By: Ms. Butterfly Genesis
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A Prayer of Sacred Surrender
I open my heart to you, not polished or guarded,
But torn and trembling, willing.
I lay down love, not love as compassion,
But the need to be consumed by another—
so I may reclaim peace as one undivided,
So, my thoughts may still walk in silence, and my reactions follow gracefully.Forgive the moments I’ve responded from the storm,
not the sanctuary,
The times I’ve chosen impulse over insight
And let your gift seem forgotten.I bleed truth before you now:
Not perfect, but present.
Not pure by achievement,
But willing to begin.Let my sacrifice not be sadness
but strength—
not a denial, but a devotion.
Make my mind up.
Make my spirit still.
And let your sacrifice ripple through me
as a renewal,
Not a regret.Amen.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
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Unable
Labels cling like paper tags,
defining jars and jam, and names—
But not the fire within our hearts,
nor the way our spirits claim.Why do they ask us to explain
Who are we, and who do we hold dear?
Love was never meant for boxes,
never meant to cower in fear.Love has no shade, no chosen skin,
no single shape or sex assigned.
It blooms between two growing souls—
a shared horizon, undefined.Love is blind, yet sees so deep.
It is soft. It is steel. It is a flight.
It’s knowing who you truly are
and owning it in the morning light.So let the world keep all its tags—
Our love needs none to prove it’s real.
Love is love: no more, no less,
and that’s the beauty we must feel.Ms. Butterfly Genesis
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It Should Have Been Me
It Should Have Been Me
I watch you step into your afterlife,
the happiness we once dreamed of in tandem.
And I whisper my congratulations,
But my heart cracks beneath the weight of truth—
That it should have been me.Time does not rewind,
No hands turn back the stubborn clock,
And yet, my mind does laps around the past,
tracing every step, every misstep,
wondering if love was ever mine to hold.I see it now, the quiet unraveling—
The words I never said,
the fears I never named,
The walls I built were doors that should have been.
I gave you Wonder Woman,
But what I needed was just to be me—
flawed, afraid, needing.If I could do it all alone,
Why did I promise forever?
Why did I stand beside you
only to let the words I wielded like knives
Cut us apart?Now, the ink is dry, the papers signed,
And I am left learning the most brutal truth:
That hurt does not justify hurting,
that love cannot be forced backward,
That your heart has long ceased being mine.But still—
It should have been me.Ms. Butterfly Genesis
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I Want
I want my heart to still,
to silence the echo of your name.
I want my ribs to unburden
the weight of love carved too deep.If I could unfeel, I could unhurt.
If I could unlove, I could unbreak.
But wishes slip through trembling hands,
and prayers unravel in the wind.One day, perhaps, you will step into my life
as easily as you step away.
We will fold into each other like pages in a book,
then tear apart at the spine,
It was never meant to be reread.I can wish.
I can beg the stars to rewrite our fate.
But life is not kind with guarantees.
And love—love is never ours to command.Ms.Butterfly Genesis
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Foot Steps
In the stillness, I linger,
A traveler lost between roads,
Footsteps echo in the same hollow,
Dreams perched on horizons untold.The clock whispers of missed moments,
Yet time cradles me, unyielding,
Perhaps it’s not the journey that’s delayed,
But the strength within is still building.For how can I sail distant seas,
When my own heart lies adrift?
The map I seek lies deep within,
My essence, my anchor, my gift.So, I offer my time, my devotion,
To mend the threads of my being,
Before I chart the stars ahead,
And embrace the life I’m seeing.Ms. Butterfly Genesis
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Stupid Heart
Do you think following your heart makes you stupid? I’m afraid I have to disagree. Letting your heart lead shows you’re willing to embrace life’s uncertainties and to feel deeply even when there’s no guarantee.
Sure, it’s left you with questions and maybe some hurt, but isn’t that part of being authentically human?
Maybe the real issue isn’t that your heart is too open but that others haven’t met you with the same sincerity.
What would it look like to protect your heart without closing it off entirly?
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
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Pressure
I hate reliving the past, but it is so difficult not when a simple word can take me to a negative part of something that was supposed to be a dream come true. It was a dream come true the first day I was on cloud nine because my heart overflowed with love.
Anytime I saw our lives together, I saw it through his eyes because having the ability to see through his eyes made everything seem peaceful and grateful. I was selfish because I wanted and needed things to be perfect.
I never really understood what the obsession needed to be perfect until a few years later, I found myself in situations where it was not so perfect for me to be apart.
Not being perfect was out of the question because I did not want him to rethink his choice of being with me.
So, in my mind, I had to be flossed because even though the world never asked me to be perfect, I put pressure on myself to be someone I was never built to be.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
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rediscover
**I thought I could be his everything,**
**On top of being his everything,**
**I could be whatever I wanted to be for myself as well.**
**But in the process of being lost,**
**In the process, I gave and gave until I couldn’t give anymore,**
**Because I was completely gone.**
**So what else was I gonna give,**
**If I wasn’t even me anymore?**
**I had no clue who I was gonna become**
**After separating myself from him.**
Sometimes, we lose ourselves in the pursuit of being everything for someone else. We pour our energy, our love, and our identity into their needs, forgetting our own. But it’s essential to remember that we are more than just someone’s everything. We are individuals with dreams, desires, and a unique path to follow. Separating from someone can be painful, but it’s also an opportunity to rediscover who we truly are.Ms. Butterfly
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Beauty isn’t everything
Strength, indeed, is a remarkable form of beauty. It transcends mere appearances, reaching deep within the core of every woman. It’s the quiet resilience that carries her through storms, the unwavering determination that fuels her dreams, and the fierce courage that propels her forward.
Beyond the surface, where skin meets sunlight, lies a force that defies gravity. It’s the strength to rise after every fall, to lift others even when her own shoulders ache. It’s the beauty of scars—etched stories of battles fought and won.
A woman’s power is like the ocean—vast, mysterious, and teeming with life. She nurtures, creates, and transforms. Her laughter echoes through generations, and her tears water the roots of empathy. She is both the gentle breeze and the tempest, the quiet whisper and the thunderclap.
So let us celebrate this unseen beauty, this strength that binds us all. For it is in the quiet moments, the unyielding spirit, and the shared sisterhood that we glimpse the true power of a woman. 🌟💪🌸
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
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Being Me
For a long time, I thought that lying was the right thing to do, but self-consciously, I knew it was the wrong thing to do because I knew wrong, and I knew the truth from a lie.
I found it easy to keep the truth from those I cared about and the kids about me. I felt if I was ever to be vulnerable with people about actual things that were happening. They wouldn’t look at me as being perfect or ideal.
So that’s why I would like to protect my image of being perfect and superwoman in many situations and with the people I love most. I have not been in the place I’m in with my life, and I understand that I can’t be perfect; I have to be me.
Being me means not always speaking most respectfully, not always coming across as very educated, and sometimes means being challenged to deal with, trying to guess when I’m lying and when I’m telling the truth, and not being afraid of being labeled a bitch because that’s what I am. one of my biggest challenges are trying to make people believe that I’ve changed for the better, not the worst. I still have a mouth on me; yes, can I go off the deep end? Yes, I still struggle with communication regarding how to express myself more respectfully.
Still, I have no more reason to lie because, for many years, I tried to be perfect, and I wasn’t. As I get older, I care less than less about being perfect and more about being me, but it’s tough when you start something, and that’s all people see you as a liar.
The main reason why people see me the way they do or label me the way they do is because I gave them reasons to label me and see me the way they do. I acknowledge that I accept that, but what I won’t accept is to be victimized by my past that’s in my past, not in my future.
When certain people in my life hear me, don’t listen, but hear me speak on me being there for them or anybody else in my life, they automatically think, oh, she’s talking about money, and I’m not talking about money because many ways you can be there for people without money You can listen to them when they’re going through something you can be there at the most challenging moments in their lives and the happiest as well.
I learned a long time ago. That money keeps no one, and that money is just paper that goes away within 2 to 3 days. I should know I spend it like water, but when talking about being there for someone, I’m talking about being that person’s year.
Hence, they have someone to talk to if they want to talk or if they want to yell or vent or be those arms to make them feel safe, wanted, needed, desired, protected, or just being that face they could look into and know that they’re looking at someone that loves them just as much or maybe more than anybody else could ever.
Maybe I was brought up the wrong way, but I was brought up in a way that you don’t talk about me; you don’t show your emotions. And that seems funny because I’m very emotional, sometimes too emotional, and I don’t know how to hide my emotions because I always wear my emotions on my sleeves.
You could read it all over my face when something is wrong. I’m sad and happy because I show a big contradiction from what I said before. Still, I do not know how to hide when I’m happy, sad, or in love, not when my heart has been broken when I’ve lost someone I care about; that shit is hard to hide.
I am the type of person who, if you’re going through something, I’m going through it with you. I feel it. I experienced it slightly differently than anybody else, but I feel it; I live it.
But I tell myself I can’t break because I have to be vital for whoever is going through something at that particular moment in time. I never focus on myself because I like to make sure that everyone around me is OK and cared for before I can think about myself, and yes, I know that many people who know me would probably disagree with the statement I just made, but it’s true. I think about others before I think about myself.
Sometimes, I wish I could be selfish and think about myself and somebody else, but I don’t have it in me to be selfish; I like to give. Most people call that people-pleasing, but I call it giving.
I’m not expecting anything in return when I do things for others because I know God when my time comes, will bless me in the best way possible by allowing me to enter into his kingdom as the child that I am.
He won’t keep condemning me for my past because everyone has a past. No one is leaving this earth without one. Mine seems to hurt me every day of my life because every day of my life, I’m reminded of the pain caused by the troubles that I did. Still, as I said before, I won’t be victimized for my past.
My past is my past, my future is my future, whatever my future is, that is what it is going to be because that’s what I want to be if that means being alone for the rest of my life and dedicating myself to thinking that I love the most which are writing and of course, being around family then I’m OK with that I have to be and I need to be.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
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Under
I don’t want to be stupid.
For you to be successful, I have to have the strength to the door of feeling unwanted and under deserved just because my heart wants what it wants.
My heart is clueless about the fact that no matter what the heart wants, it might not be what it needs.
I might wish to him like a blood vessel that runs throughout
my body for me to stay alive.
The body has a way of breaking down, so we either get rid of what’s toxic or find different ways for the body to work without realizing something is missing.Ms. Butterfly Genesis
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Nothing I do with my life will ever make sense to anyone, and at this point in my life, I’m not looking to make sense to anyone but myself.
I understand why I get myself into situations. After all, I always dive in headfirst because I want what I want when I want it. But, unfortunately, I’m not the person to sit there and explain why I like what I want.
I’ve never been the type of female to say this is why I want this. So instead, I say I like it, trying my hardest to get what I want.
I’ve gotten a lot of the things because God has blessed me with them. However, my determination does not allow me to tear away from what I want; it might not be conventional for the rest of the world. It doesn’t have to be both of me; it’s right; it feels right.
I’m going to go with what feels suitable instead of being conventional. Everybody else might think I don’t care what anybody thinks; life is about being able to write your own rules and then follow them.
There’s nothing more straightforward when you can create your own rules and follow them because you know what you expect from yourself and no one else.
We live in times where nothing is conventional loan days, so why do I have to submit this box of convention all of a sudden because of what the world might say or think of me as a person.
As I become more transparent, I want people to know that I am not a conventional person.
I’m a person that goes on impulse. I fight tooth and nail for everything I want and have, and I believe that God has a huge part in everything that I say aspire to be I want to do with my life.
The most important lesson I want people to take away from this piece is that we must write all the rules and live by them because that’s the only way we can be happy.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
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Reaction
Before I begin putting this piece together, I would love to start by saying I’m not attacking men for defending their women.
I’m a firm believer that men should protect their women at any time. I’m also not trying to be a hypocrite and say that you’re a celebrity; you should watch how or where you do things because all eyes are always on you.
After all, you become a role model for the rest of the world. Indeed, your status should not matter when defending your wife or your family.
Being a part of the public, I think everyone is responsible for being mindful of their actions and knowing that every effort reacts.
I feel that if we are two grown men so grown men, we should behave like adults and not condone violence because we have enough violence against us because of our skin color or who we are in the public eye.
Bing people of color, we seriously hate being stereotyped, but if we act or even say things that would fit those stereotypes that we’re trying to run away from, how can we blame those people for stereotyping us.
Suppose you no longer want to be stereotyped as those people. In that case, we should be mindful of our actions and our words because not only cameras will be on us, but the whole world will be upon us, watching us make sure that we fit everything single stereotype they think of us as people of color, not human beings that we are.
In closing, I would like to say that as men have a strong brotherhood, whether correct wrong; a brotherhood is forever, and everyone is always trying to stay on top.
So I don’t believe that we should knock somebody down to try To remain on top; we should encourage each other and push forward and understand that life is too short to be doing inappropriate things that we might not be able to take back. It’s a good chance that everyone’s perception of who you are may change just because of one night of action.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
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Incomplete WOMAN
If I am incomplete as a woman to myself, how can I pretend to be whole to the rest of the world? I can’t be a complete woman for the world and part of it.
Taking accountability for not knowing who I am or what I am looking for as a person or woman makes me incomplete. When I understand who I am, I can understand the type of woman I want to be for myself.
I can’t just say that I need to take accountability for my mistakes or me not feeling complete as a woman.
The only way I can accept accountability for anything I found in my life Or anything I’ve done to others who have not deserved my bad behavior.
If I can be honest with myself and say and admit to myself that I was in the wrong, I need help figure out why I would behave the way I act towards myself and others trying to be there.
The only thing that comes to my mind when I begin to think about my behavior is my acting out towards everyone who has tried to make it into something that I don’t want to be or never allowing me to find who I am as a person.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
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Saint Jude (Home away from Home
I thought this would be a simple piece for me to write because I’m so used to putting my feelings on paper.
It’s not as simple as I thought it would be because researching to give people some knowledge on cancer has been around for years. People don’t realize that cancer has many different faces and has many different ages.
As I’m putting this piece together, I’m frustrated simply because all my research has been on children who have to live with different types of cancers, a battle for their lives, and hope and pray that they make it into adulthood.
As a family, how can we explain to any child that they are up against the biggest battle of their life, cancer? Of course, as children, they should not worry about something like cancer, but that’s not the reality for many children.
Cancer has been silent for many of them; that’s why a place like Saint Jude exists because we know our children need a niche that is going to be home away from home. It’s not just a hospital; it becomes a home away from home.
So how do we prepare any child to fight to have an everyday life? If it’s difficult for an adult to understand and battle cancer. I could imagine what a child would feel like when adults explain that they need to become like a superhero to overcome everything thrown at them.
Is Five-year-old fighting for their life is normal to me? And the answer is simply no; they should be out and about just being kids and not having to worry about fighting for their lives.
Saint Jude’s is a place away from home. They tell you constantly there is a place away from home; they don’t turn anybody away. But, they’re willing to fight with you and for you as long as you give them something to fight.
Everybody in the world has different battles, and we all fight them differently, but when it comes to kids, it’s hard. It’s more than complex. It’s unbearable to see them go through what they need to go through so they can have a chance to live.
It’s a place like Saint Judes that gives them that chance to fight for their lives and live for themselves and no one else and gives their families a sense of hope.
Saint Jude is that second family that everyone becomes a part of with no fear of being turned away. Saint Jude is that place that breaks their back to fight long aside with the families and tries to give them a sense of hope. Many of these families lose hope because sometimes it is difficult to adjust to their new normal.
The new normal for those families is to become brave soldiers; they find new ways of treating and become less scary for a child.The best part of saint Jude hospital is how far in being one of the best leading cancer research hospitals. The most important thing for everyone involved is to give every child a fighting chance to live.
Everything that is obtained for research is to help each child to become brave soldiers during their battle. The scary part about all of this is that the most terrifying is all the stories. I have encountered different children. Who are even too young to grasp what is genuinely happening to them entirely.
The main conclusion is that I no longer have the right to feel sorry for myself or my physical limitations because all these kids don’t ask why me or how? When people stop being consumed with myself and things that don’t matter. People would realize that there is so much more in the world, especially these kids who have every right to complain but don’t they greet with a smile? Instead of us making them feel better, they find a way to make us feel better.
Life is about being selfish. I believe this is when we should be selfish and give our future generation a chance to live an everyday life free of any disease taking over their bodies.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
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Educated
Teachable moments happen every day, and it’s up to us if we accept them at teachable moments in our lives.
Life is full of teachable lessons, and it’s up to us what we take away from those lessons that life is trying to teach us.
For example, one of the biggest lessons that life teaches us is that not everyone is perfect imperfection is what makes people.
It makes us different from each other and makes us accept our differences to love each other and learn from each other.
One of the most important lessons life can teach all of us is that we can learn from each other and each other’s mistakes and grow and make sure that whatever we learn from each other, we continue to pass it on as knowledge to others.
Another lesson Life has educated me is that love is about pain and growth because we almost go through some discomfort when it comes to love to grow as a person and grow as a unit.
Love is also about making mistakes and learning how to forgive, not forget, but we will use love’s pain as educated moments in life and make sure we don’t make the same mistake twice.
The tricky part about saying I’m sorry is that many people use it as a Band-Aid to cover off their mistakes, and once the Band-Aid is ripped off, the error repeats itself.
If people value the word, I’m sorry, people will never commit to making the same mistake repeatedly, but it uses it as a tool for growth and education.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
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won’t
It’s not that I can’t stop speaking to him.
It’s more about how I feel when I don’t talk to him.
I couldn’t even imagine not speaking to him for as long as we did not. I guess what made it a little easier when we were not talking was that we were heavily involved in different relationships, and I wanted to move forward with my life.
Even though I knew that I could never be with anyone else, that was not him.Anyone asks me if I have a legit reason to stay away from him, my answer would have been yes, but I don’t because my heart would no longer beat if he weren’t around.
Despite all our back and forth, I can’t, or should I say, I don’t want to see myself doing life without him for two reasons I feel at home when he’s around.
He can finish my thoughts without me speaking to him, and everyone in the world looks for someone who can look at the other person know what the other person is thinking or feeling without saying, and that’s what I have with him.
He is everything I wanted, but I’m a grown-ass woman, and I have to take responsibility for why he and I are no longer together.
I always knew how to a bottle of my feelings. Then exploded with no return, and that’s what happened to me.
I could never be as transparent with him as I am today.
I was scared of losing him, so I just kept playing as superwoman while on the inside; I was dying, and I was falling apart, but I couldn’t share it with my partner because I didn’t want to seem weak, incapable of being with him.So I kept my feelings and my emotions to myself. Until the disastrous nightmare of me exploring, I was finally letting everything out.
It wasn’t the right time or the right place, but I didn’t know how to contain myself anymore.
That was going to be someone that I would spend the rest of my life with and that I was going to build a family, but I couldn’t tell him all I felt until I exploded.
I can imagine people reading this would be so confused about building a family with whom I couldn’t communicate my feelings.
Still, I’ve always been the type of person never to share my feelings or thoughts because I’ve always felt that no one is interested in knowing how I think, so whatever I might be going through, I keep it to myself.
I know my last statement will confuse the shit out of people because how could I not speak my feelings verbally, but I could write my feelings out on a public blog site with no problems, no fear of judgment.
My life has always been filled with contradictions, and I guess this is one of them because I don’t want to bother people with my feelings, but I don’t mind sharing my thoughts on a public blogs site.
Where strangers judge me on everything that comes out of my mouth because it’s not always perfect, but my feelings are shared.
One mistake changes my life for the rest of my life. My life has never been the same because I’ve never allowed myself to feel what I feel for him for anybody else. After all, he means that much to me.
I prayed that one day he would come back into my life and forgive me but never forget what I did, and in some way, we could start from scratch because that’s something my heart always desired.
My prayer came accurate after 15 years, but we haven’t started from scratch because his heart doesn’t want me. His soul belongs to someone else, and I’m not worthy of him forgiving me for what I did. But I also can’t keep punishing myself for something that happened 15 years ago every day, but he tells me he loves someone else. So it’s like punishing me because all I want to do is be with him no matter what he says.
I wish he could love me or at least allow us a second chance, but as I said in the previous lines before, I know I’m not worthy of him giving me a second look at me differently just because we’re older now.
Even though he doesn’t see the difference in me, I’ve been able to change because we can talk about things, and we have been able to be transparent as we want to be with each other without worrying about who’s feelings will get hurt.
Yes, I still have a mouth on me, and my mouth still finds ways of getting me in trouble, and it’s true that when it comes to change, I do it in my own time. But, if someone else wants me to do it, I feel prepared to make those changes for myself and not anybody else.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
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The One
I need to love myself a little bit more. But, I can only do that by realizing that I need to let him go as much as I love him.
I’ve always been scared to let him go because he’s such a big part of my heart, but now I understand that for me to love myself, I have to be able to say goodbye now because I want to but because I have to. I have to find myself without him even though I know how my life is without him, but I can’t keep holding on to all of that doesn’t want me just because I like it.
Love is strength.
Loves is faith.
Love is loving yourself and understanding; that no one can give me my worth.
Love you telling the truth even when you don’t want to hear it.
Love is loving the imperfections we all have and not trying to change who we are just because love is in the air.
When will love not that your door is full of pain and magic?
If you can’t feel pain, that means you have not experienced real love. The love with pain is worth it because it’s awful beautiful, magical, incredible root word rewarding when we can find the one. It
Being the one is being the one you can’t live without.
Being the one, you can’t breathe without.
Being the one is knowing that you’re going to spend the rest of your life with that one. You’re ready to wake up every morning to the same face as long as both of you have a love for each other.
Being the one is being strong, knowing that not everything will be perfect, but it’s going to be accurate, and we’re going through it together.
You are the one who’s been willing to know that everyone comes with imperfections and does not mean rejection. What it means is acceptance for precisely who you are and what you are.
It is being the one who understands that everyone is going to have an opinion.
Being the one is having the strength within yourself to know and understand the love has its ups and downs, but through the rough water’s that any relationship goes through, both parties should not have the ability to walk away until everything is a workout. So we end up saying, I love you.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
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Forever
Now that I no longer have you, I wish I could have used my time the right way.
At this point, what would have been the right way to spend our time together.
Time with you seemed like quicksand; it seemed like no matter how many memories you and I tried to build, time was against us.I am missing you more every day.
Wishing and hope we could have had more. I love you.
More time to be your forever, and you be mine forever.
Now what keeps me going is knowing that one day we will finally be each other forever.Ms. Butterfly
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Becoming Myself
Is knowing who I am.
I am not caring what anybody thinks about me because I refuse to live for anyone else but myself.
Becoming myself understands that God created me the way he did because he knows there would not be anyone else like me.
Becoming myself Is excepting all the parts with me, even the parts that I hate about myself.Becoming myself has always been something that I struggle with. After all, I don’t know what I am like because I always try to please everyone around me and what people expect of me, so I never really got a chance to be myself.
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Open Wounds
Open heart.
Open wounds need to be closed, but no idea how to approach them.There’s not a Band-Aid big enough to cover up all the scars she has carried for so many years in so many different stages of my life.
It’s effortless for her to tell herself to get rid of her scars and start fresh, but then the question of how she gets rid of her fault and what’s going to be left when She no longer has these scars to hide behind.
She’s going to be a roar, and those feelings that she was able to hide with a scar, she is no longer going to be able to do that. So to grow and find peace with all her wounds and mistakes, she has to let them go and make one for all the new things coming into her life.
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Sharing Myself
Things have gotten so far to come back.
I wish I could share my feelings with the world to understand better what I’m doing wrong.
How in the right state of mind can I ever stop putting my heart on paper when I know the form is the only thing that allows me to be me without judgment or resentment for what I speak.
I enjoy fighting because that’s the only thing they give me a piece of mine, somewhere I can remove everything that I hold in.
After all, no one Is listening, but this piece of paper is in front of me.
When I put tons of writing, I never think of fame or fortune; I can write.
I’ve always written because I’ve ever had something to say in the best way to express myself in actual words that I can put on paper.
When I begin writing, I just did it. People just came naturally to me, and I couldn’t see myself doing anything else but that writing.Now that I’m older, I was hoping that my hand could help someone else and show them that just because I have a disability Does not mean I don’t have issues like everyone else. I have good relationships, bad relationships, and obstacles that most people don’t have to overcome.
Having a public play form to share some of my stories with people; would give people a better understanding that someone like me is just like them.
I don’t have many obstacles to overcome the many others don’t have to think twice about it because it becomes easy for them, and before plant planning to go anywhere, I have to plan to make sure that everything I need is going to be in place for when I need it.
A romantic relationship with someone has its ups and downs, just like any other person who is not physically challenged like me. One of the biggest questions I have to ask myself when I find myself in a relationship is this person here for me, or is it just a curiosity thing For that person. The question I have for myself does this person see me before you saw the chair.
I have to concern myself with this person here for me, or just out of pity Something many people don’t have to think about it. But, still, I didn’t because I have a disability that built up all these questions for everyone who comes into my life, and I plan to share my experience.Ms. Butterfly Genesis
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Precious Moment
People would say that the hardest thing for any woman is knowing that something is growing and moving inside.
It has been a fantastic experience to feel that a piece of her moves inside of her, letting her mom know that she is very much alive and ready to take this crazy journey together.
The tricky part of this journey is if She can go through this journey simply because she knows that she wants more than she can give this little person living inside her.
Feeling every movement is a gift.What makes these precious moments more difficult is knowing that she has to make a decision that no one should make in their lifetime, but it needs to be done because the most important decision she needs and not what she wants.
Your heartbeat is proper to undermine.
You are a little mini-me, and you were conceived, love.
I don’t want you to ever feel like giving up; you were my first and easiest thought. That is so far from the truth if I could have kept you inside my belly instead of placing you in strangers’ arms.Please understand that I did what was best for you, and if you no longer being in my arms, you have a better life without me; it breaks me, but it also puts a smile on my face because I was able to be unselfish and free you.
Love comes in different ways, and giving a better life to those we love is the best way to show unconditional love.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
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Single Mother’s
(I have no idea what it’s like to be a single mom, but I feel like they need recognition for all their hard work and sacrifice.)
A mother’s job begins when she decides that she is ready to share her life with another human being grown inside of her—not knowing that they will be growing together and fighting together.
It’s effortless to make a baby; the difficult part is knowing that you’re in this alone because the person you decided to have a child with doesn’t feel the need to share the responsibilities with you.
The job of a single mother never ends.
Being the mother and father is the most challenging job because we must play both roles simultaneously.
We can’t force men to become fathers if they don’t want to and if they can’t realize that the gifts that God has given them are the best gift they can ever receive from God.
That’s why, as women, we all have to be careful of who we choose to share ourselves with and want to become parents with because the kids are the ones that suffer.As single mothers, we have to become superwomen.
After all, we don’t have time to break or think about anything else but need and then one because we have to make up for what they’re losing by not having a male figure in their lives.
This last part is for the men who believe that making a baby makes them a father.
I hate to break it to you just because you can make a baby does not make you a man; what makes a man is the one that sticks around to watch his children grow up and become something better than their fathers.That’s why I believe God gave the gift of bearing children to women because he gave us the strength and the power in the knowledge to become mothers and fathers.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
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Unselfish Loved
She held this little human being in her belly, giving them a chance. She held this tiny human in her stomach, allowing them to bond and have an opportunity to become one soul with each other. Nine months to watch and feel something growing inside of her, she is a fantastic feeling for anyone who has wanted to be a mother.
A Child is a true blessing and miracle that everyone should experience in their own time. Still, she was not ready for that experience, so as she was signing this little life away, feeling like she was signing her death sentence.
Signing those papers was definitely like signing a part of herself away. But also understood that no matter what happened from this day forward, she would never be the whole because a part of her would be missing.
Being unselfish is knowing and understanding that this little human being deserved a better life than she was ready to give this little person. Giving life to another person was an incredible feeling for her because she had the opportunity to live every moment of every second, watching this little person come in and leave simultaneously.
Life is full of choices, and she chose life for this little person that will forever be full of questions but, there is one question this little person should never have, and that’s how much this human being is loved just because she was able to be unselfish by putting their needs before her. To bound and have an opportunity to become one soul with each other.
Nine months to watch and feel something growing inside of her, she is a fantastic feeling for anyone who has wanted to be a mother.
A Child is a true blessing and miracle that everyone should experience in their own time, but truthful speaking, she was not ready for that experience, so as she was signing this little life away she, felt like she was signing her death sentence.
Signing those papers was definitely like signing a part of herself away, and she also understood that no matter what she did from this day forward, she was never going to the entire whole because a part of her was going to be missing.
Being unselfish is knowing and understanding that this little human being deserved a better life than she was ready to give this little person.
Giving life to another person was an incredible feeling for her because she had the opportunity to live every moment of every second, watching this little person come in and leave simultaneously.
Life is full of choices, and she chose life for this little person that will forever be full of questions but, there is one question this little person should never have, and that’s how much this human being is loved just because she was able to be unselfish by putting their needs before her own.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
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Reliving
I saw what I wanted to see.
I felt things that I never thought I could feel again.
The best feeling I have been able to feel in a long time is that school girl crush.
I could smile without someone making me feel like I should not be.
Texting for hours gave me a reason never to go to sleep because the moment I allowed my eyes to close, I would miss something that could be important.
Worked days seem longer than ever.
I could not wait to see messages that would bring butterflies to my stomach.Even with all the beautiful things that he has to make me feel incredible unique unforgettable came a lot of resentment and many unsolved problems that always have a way of sneaking in but never sneaking back out.
I guess it’s true what people say you fight the most with the people you love, but then again, you have to know within yourself when it’s time to say goodbye to the one love you could never see yourself without me just because we are afraid to see love turn into hate.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
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Unattractive
Let me start by saying I’m not a relationship expert, but I was having a conversation with one of my girlfriends, and she inspired me to put this piece together.
Just remember what I said in the first line; I’m not a relationship expert.
I’ve been in good and bad relationships to know that no matter how much a woman can love a man more than anything else in the world, that still won’t be enough to keep him.
As women, we become so consumed in relationships with men that we forget about our own identities and the things that made us happy before we became a unit.
As women, we also try to be the man in everything possible, so they feel catered to.
No matter how much we want to cater to them, there are no guarantees that that man will be your be-all, just like a woman wants, a man to be her be-all as well.
Like I’ve said many times before, I’ve been married before.
One of the main things that I learned being married is I was trying to be his superwoman by taking care of things that we should have been doing together because we were supposed to be a unit.
I guess I never pushed him to take on a husband’s role because I did not want to seem weak.
I made it seem like I had everything under control because I wanted to keep him happy.
Still, I did more damage than good because I wasn’t honest with him by letting him know that I couldn’t do everything myself that I needed his help.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that everyone comes into your life for a season, and with the purpose, whatever purpose that is, it’s up to that person to find out and determine if that person is willing to stick around find out what the purpose was.
I continuously tell my girlfriends that they need to love themselves before love can find them.
My divorce taught me how strong I was as a woman and as a person. But, of course, that divorce alone was hell.
I never thought that I would make it through it. But, I did, and I became a stronger person because of it.
Of course, people hate when I thank my ex-husband for filing for divorce.
Still, I thank him because, going through such a traumatic divorce, I learned that the one person I could rely on always was me because everybody else was busy saying I told you so while my heart was breaking.
If I could have a moment of honesty, I honestly didn’t think I could make it through that and still want to find love or allow love to see me.
Love found me, but I had no idea how to appreciate it until I no longer had it.
Being single for two years has taught me that I can’t lose focus when I’m in a relationship with anyone.
I am at my happiest right now because I’m doing things I never thought I would do.
Even though I might not have all the recognition I desire to have, I am at my happiest right now because I’m doing things I never thought I would be doing.
The stuff I have going on with myself right now might not be essential to people, and they might not believe in me, but I believe in me.
I am my main focus right now, but I’m not going to close the door on love.
If love happens to find me again, I would be willing to listen and do many things differently, but the main thing I would do differently is no forget about me and things that make me happy, whether my partners believe in me.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
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How many Times
How many of us say that we won’t look back?Not looking back is because how can anyone grow when we are busy looking back for something we believe is missing.
Missing it because we never got what we deserved from the person we thought we should have arrived.
I guess that’s the main reason we become curious and give ourselves the chance to look back because we don’t want to live with the what if in our lives.
The moment we begin to live out the look back, the curious becomes a feeling of what I’m doing and a feeling of emptiness, looking for a way to fill it by looking back for that one thing we didn’t get the first time around.
M.B.G. �
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Trial & Error
I’ve been going through some changes in myself; a wrong decision has me questioning myself, but I don’t want anybody to pity me because I don’t need anybody to help me.
So I’m going to deal with the hand I was sold.
Unfortunately, trial & Error is something that happens throughout life.
But, to find that special something in life, we must be strong enough to go through trial and Error. Ms. Butterfly Genesis
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Thank You
Thank You
Thank you for loving me.
Thank you for pulling me apart when you did.
Thank you for allowing me to find the strength within myself that I thought I never had. Because of the man you were in life, I am the woman who I’m today.The woman I am today is.
Strong
Smart
Independent,
I also understand that falling in love with the idea of being in love is the wrong way to love someone.
Most importantly, I want to thank him for teaching me that I deserve better and that a better person is who I’m today.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis �
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Unhappiness
She understands happiness & love don’t come from a man but her loving herself first.
She also understands that she must value who she is, including all her flaws.
She is unhappy with herself at this point because she is too busy running from herself.
After all, she is scared about what she needs from those around her.
She loves herself because she has a heart of gold.
She loves giving back to everyone.
She loves herself because she knows that she matters while others are busy, making her feel trash.
If she did not have these qualities, how could she love who she is as a person?
She hates that she is a people pleaser.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
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Blogging
I love knowing that I can write my feelings away on paper.
I have never claimed to be a professional writer, but I have a passion for it because it lives in my heart.
When I have a blank sheet of paper, it’s like a place for my heart to open up without judgment.
The judgment of others has always made me question if I should be exposing myself by trying to share pieces of myself with others.
This is not the first time I have tried to put a blog together to have an outlet.I will be completely blunt; I was told to take down my blog because some people defamed their character.
My blog has always been about what I am going through; the weather is about my struggles with my family, friends, and personal relationship with my exes.
I also expose the struggles I have with myself.
The main one is excepting my body for what it is.
If I genuinely care about what anyone thought, I would shut down because I would not see the purpose of being me if I could not write anymore.
I’m not trying to hurt anyone, but I don’t want to be a cookie-cutter writer who paints pretty pictures when that’s not always the truth.
Life is real.
I’m real as well & I am not going to apologize for that.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
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Just Me
Hi, my name is Erika M. Santana
My brother & I were born on 09/04/81Besides being the youngest of four older siblings, we were born with cerebral palsy, which meant that our brain didn‘t get enough oxygen to many different parts of our minds during childbirth.
I have always been told that I was the most vigorous twin out of my brother & me because I didn’t need so many machines to keep me alive; unlike my brother, he needed a lot more assistance keeping himself in check. Anyone reading this must keep in mind that my twin and I were born at two a half pounds each.
As our life counties, I realized that I wasn’t the strongest out of the twins anymore, and our family is from a different country from the United States; our family did the best they could do with our disability.
Whatever else was unfamiliar to us as a family, we tried our very best to learn as we kept going so our family could make the right decisions for my brother and me.
This is me
I‘m someone who needs someone from the time my eyes pop open for the simple things that most people take for granted: getting up and getting into my wheelchair alone.
I entered the bathroom and washed my Purse because my hands were not strong enough to scrub her down the way she deserves. Imagine a grown-assertion doing number# two and then having someone wiping them because they can’t do themselves in life. That’s only a tiny part of my crazy life.
Dressing me is a lot of fun, too, because the only thing I can do is decide what I’m going to wear, while others get me dressed as if I was a newborn. Yes, I can brush my teeth and food myself, depending on my hands themselves.
I want people to understand that I’m not too fond of the relationship I have with food because if I get fat, no one will want to help me if I allow myself to enjoy eating the way everyone else does.
Food is a control thing for me. After all, it’s the only thing I can decide because everything else in my life is a dictatorship.
Now that I have listed all my crazy negatives, let me see if I can list some positive things that I can or have done for myself.
I‘m smart and not afraid to learn new things, whether in a book or life.I love opening myself on paper if my sentence structure can sometimes make no sense because missing words is a lot of the time. After all, my head can be a little faster than my hands.
I have also managed to fall head over heels in love with some fantastic people who have taught me so much about myself.
Despite my physical limitations, I engaged in my first sexual experience at 21 with someone who saw me as a person, not my chair.
I also had the willpower to become someone’s wife, even though the whole world was against my decision because my marriage was going to fail. Of course, people will assume I regret my decision with a failed marriage, but I don’t because I did it myself.
My limitations have never defined me because I know I am more than the wheels I use as my legs. I’m a human being first.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
The Memoir Of Ms. Butterfly 