I have worn the shape they wanted,
stitched me into the fabric of approval,
only to find the seams tear at my skin.
The world hums in perfection’s name,
a chorus I never learned to sing,
but I have never needed flawless verses—
only a place to exist in the song.
I do not ask to be remade,
polished into something palatable.
I only ask to be seen—
not as a reflection of desire,
but as the truth of who I am.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
It’s another late night for me, with my mind running away without knowing if I will ever stop running.
Apart from hopes, I will stop running because I need a mental break; this is when balance is key for all my thoughts and actions.
Balance is so important to me right now because, with balance, I can find such a firm peace with myself that things that I struggled with I have allowed to roll off my back. I want it to be like second nature sooner rather than later.
That would mean other people would not disturb the peace of mind I am building for myself.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I’m blessed that I am going to be blessed to see 43.
It’s a blessing because I was not supposed to make it past a few hours after entering this world.
Coming into this world, two pounds and one ounce, anything and everything is questionable.
God saw something special in me. He pushed me strong enough that I could still be here 43 years later when sometimes I question myself and my existence in the world.
I want to believe why I question my existence when I understand if I can question why I am still here when I have nothing important to show for the 43 years of my life.
The only thing I have to show my 43 years are the scars my heart holds on to from the many times it has been used and abused by the world we live in because my heart has always struggled to see the bad in people.
When people read this piece, they will say, “Stop complaining, and don’t do anything to change your life so you may feel better about it.”
The only response I could give was that I felt stuck within myself. I have imagined many times before where I would have been at the age of 43, owing something that is my own and independently away from my mama, showing her that she has given me many tools to survive on my own.
I will always need to know whether she and I share the same space.
Love is over Reddit, and I am not even worried if love finds me again because the best person to love is me, even though I can be honest with myself and say I have not always been the most loving person to myself.
Once in a while, I might fall back into old habits because I have no clue how to not be hard on myself.
GRATEFUL BEYOND MEASURE
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
When I decided to blog, I was leaving myself open to people’s opinions and criticism regarding the things I decided to share on my blog.
I also understand that when I decide to share where exactly I am, people will only sometimes be friendly or understanding. Still, the thing about me is that I’m not looking for anyone’s sympathy or anyone to agree with my feelings and my thoughts.
My blog is where I can be vulnerable and share who I am and where this life journey has taken me for many years. I would always let someone’s opinions, feelings, and negativities scare me away from sharing myself, but now I don’t have to care. I’m 42 years old. Correction: I’m going to be 42 years old, so I no longer have to have a filter about what anyone else has to say about what I post or don’t post.
Being a blogger and being able to share parts of my life is a fantastic thing because I hope that by putting pieces of my life into my blog, I’m helping someone because I know I’m helping myself every single time I can sit with a piece of paper in my hand, and a pen, loving hand, and open my heart out is a fantastic process for me and helps me look at myself and try to understand myself a little bit better every day I’m not perfect. Still, I’m not trying to be, and I don’t want to be perfect. My imperfections are things that make me.
For a long time, I would allow people in certain things in my life to run me away from the things I love the most in writing. I can’t see myself doing or wanting to do anything else but writing. I don’t write any ability; I find completion when I can put myself out there and be vulnerable, something that I’ve always struggled with because I’ve never believed that people have wanted to listen to what I have to say.
The world will always have an opinion and criticize every little word and sentence because of their ability to break me.
Almost 42 means no filter, and no shame in my game means sharing no matter what others might think or feel, not alone fear to take over what I love the most, and that is putting word to paper.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Home is comfy.`
Home is safety.
Home is love.
Home understands that no matter how badly I could mess up, those arms will welcome me back and let me know everything will be okay.
Home has never been perfect; home is what I have made it to be, and the main thing I have completed my home, home to be is something unstable because I love to push my boundaries. Still, even I can say I have gone too far with my limits; that’s why finding a place in what I call home is challenging.
Places, people, and things have limitations, and we can push until we can’t push anymore, but there is no grant that we won’t be left alone because we took it upon ourselves to go overboard.
The moral of my story is I pushed until I could not push anymore, and now that I want to find my place at home, I don’t have one. Too much damage has been done, so the home I once knew of love is no longer love but a lot of what-ifs.
If we don’t want to lose what home is, we have to understand what home is and what home brings to our souls.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
The Memoir Of Ms. Butterfly 