It’s another late night for me, with my mind running away without knowing if I will ever stop running.
Apart from hopes, I will stop running because I need a mental break; this is when balance is key for all my thoughts and actions.
Balance is so important to me right now because, with balance, I can find such a firm peace with myself that things that I struggled with I have allowed to roll off my back. I want it to be like second nature sooner rather than later.
That would mean other people would not disturb the peace of mind I am building for myself.
Those who have followed me know I am a disabled blogger, and As a disabled blogger, I share my life with the world. But with that comes a lot of criticism. People think my posts are just me complaining, but I’m trying to show people the real me.
This is my life, and no one else is writing it. Let’s get down to the nitty-gritty of this post. I want to hear the words I’m proud of you, no matter what I’ve accomplished.
I want to hear them. I’m proud of you and knew you could do it despite your limitations. But sadly, I’m 43 years old, and I haven’t heard those words from anyone who’s given me life and purpose and pushed me for the last 43 years so I can keep living.
I thought I was here to be as successful and independent as possible, but that’s not the case with my mother-and-daughter relationship. I’m 43, and she’s given up her life journey for me because, like I’ve said before, I’m a burden.
So, she thinks and wants me to believe that, but I don’t because I know I can and will do what I have to do for myself, not anyone else. It drives me crazy that just because I’m disabled, I’m supposed to be a piece of furniture that doesn’t move, doesn’t speak, and doesn’t do anything. That’s not who I am.
I’ve never been that person. She’s always told me out of all my children; you’ve been the most defining child I’ve had because I know I can and will do for myself as much as I can, and the things I can’t do for myself, I will find someone to help me do those things for myself because I know what I need for myself to be me.
As a parent, I’d ensure my child is self-sufficient, regardless of ability. The hardest thing for a parent is leaving a child unprepared for life. I thought our relationship would become simpler as she matured and saw me as an adult. But I’m not a child.
I may need help physically, but I can take care of everything mentally. There’s nothing wrong with my brain. I’m not afraid to learn or teach. I thought I’d told her I’m not afraid to live beyond my limitations. I’m not afraid of my limitations; they’ve become my greatest strength. My strength goes beyond anything anyone could imagine.
Hey, Mom, I have something super important to share with you. I’m so grateful for everything you’ve done for me, but I also think it’s time for us to figure out what we can and can’t do without each other. You’ve given me so much of yourself, and I want you to know I appreciate it.
But I also need to take care of myself and my own needs. I’m not saying I don’t love you, but I need to spread my wings and fly. I know it’s scary to think about being without each other, but I also know it’s time for us to find peace and happiness.
I know you’ve done your part and deserve your time to find out who you are without me. I’m so proud of the amazing person you’ve raised me to be, and I know you’ll always be there for me, even if we’re not always together. Trust yourself, Mom. You’ve done an incredible job, and I know you’ll always be my rock.
In the realm of words and musings,
A writer's soul took flight,
With a pen as her compass,
She navigated through the night.
'Ms. Butterfly Genesis,' she named herself,
A metamorphosis of dreams,
From cocooned silence to expressive wealth,
Her trademark, a beacon it seems.
For every misspelled word, a story untold,
For every gap, a bridge to mend,
Her grammar not perfect, but courageously bold,
A message of hope to send.
The public's doubt, a fuel for fire,
Igniting her will to prove,
That writing is more than mere desire,
It's where her spirit moves.
Four years of growth, of finding her voice,
Of hard work and financial gain,
She learned that strength is indeed a choice,
And vulnerability is not in vain.
So here's to 'Ms. Butterfly Genesis,' may she soar,
Above the critics, the dark, the fray,
For in her words, we find an open door,
To be ourselves, in our own unique way
Ms. Butterfly Genesis.
Your journey with Ms. Butterfly Genesis sounds truly inspiring, and it’s wonderful to hear how you’ve channeled your blessings into creating something meaningful and impactful. Establishing a foundation like Mabel Inc to support individuals with disabilities is a noble endeavor, and it’s clear that your personal experiences have given you a unique insight into the importance of belonging and community support.
Creating a space where everyone feels included and valued, regardless of their abilities, can make a significant difference in many lives. Your dedication to giving back and empowering others is commendable, and it’s heartening to see you use your platform to advocate for such a cause.
In the garden of life, every flower has a place, Where the sun shines warm on every face. Ms. Butterfly Genesis, with wings so wide, Spreads hope and love, far and wide.
Mabel Inc’s doors open, welcoming all, A haven for growth, where none shall fall. Here, every soul, both young and old, Can find their strength, and stories untold.
With every act, with every deed, We plant the seeds of a kinder creed. For in this world, so vast and wide, It’s love and care that turn the tide.
Everyone please do me huge favor go to where it says Mabel Inc on Menu bar give what you can so we may watch my newest baby grow into something special.
I miss and love you more than anything. You should be so proud of me. I finally was able to tell your daddy about you. I want to believe he was super excited to know that there was a part of him and I grow together.
Funny but not funny, your daddy called you into existence and was very persistent about your existence. I’m not going to lie; I was low-key and over the moon. I’m excited to know that I had you inside me because, in my eyes, I was going to have a part of your dad that nobody could ever take away or deny just because you would’ve been just like him.
I’m speaking from my mother’s intuition when I say that; I know you would’ve been a spitting image of him, including attitude. It would’ve been a true honor and a blessing to have a little piece of you on earth with me, even if you would’ve driven me up the wall sometimes, but I wouldn’t have changed it for anything in the world. Simply because I know you would’ve represented your father and me so very well in this world, and most importantly, you would’ve been my protector, my savior, because one of the first things your dad wouldn’t tell you was never allowed anyone to pick on your mom you always defend your mom no matter what no matter who it is, you come to your mother’s defense?
But even though you’re no longer here for whatever reason, God only knows why; I won’t question why. I will say, see you later, and please keep watching over all of us, especially your dad. Your dad needs your energy, your strength, and your clarity. I know it’s a lot to ask of you, but please watch over him and give him a reason to continue to fight and show him that your life wasn’t in vain.
Thank you for six amazing weeks. Thank you for making me understand. Things happen when they’re supposed to happen, not when we want them to happen, and I believe that you were meant to be, but for whatever reason, you didn’t come through all the way. You may have a bigger purpose you need to accomplish in heaven that you couldn’t do down here. That’s why you left. Whatever the reason, I’m glad you are watching me and protecting me as your father would’ve told you to do.
Being a father is a tall drink of water that most men are not ready for. I believe the boys have the notion that as long as they can release sperm, that makes them a man because they have created another human being. Boys can always release sperm, but that does not make the men.
What makes men a is when they can own their responsibilities and become teachers and role models to those they help create.
It might not be easy for those who have never had a role model to follow so that they may do the right thing for their offspring.
But that’s not an excuse not to try to be something you never had.
I want to take this part of my blog and give credit to those amazing men who take a chance on fatherhood even when they are clueless about what they should do with this little human being god has placed in their lives.
Parenting is not an easy job for anyone, but what makes a fantastic father figure is a man who chooses not to take the easy out when things become too complicated.
Dragging myself so I can gather myself so can become whole again.
Feeling whole again is important because that means I can sit in my shit and forgive myself for those mistakes that have helped me become the person I am today.
Who I am is working on progress which is not scared to keep learning so that I may be better than yesterday.
Words only become powerful when we, as people, give them.
As people, we have to know that we are the ones that decide how much power we give each word that we speak into existence.
We also determine if we will provide these words with positive or negative emotions and why we must think before we go off like a crazy person with no type of brain cell.
Throughout my life, words have had many ways to hurt because I have let others’ opinions hold me down.
In the same way, people have hurt me with hurtful words. I have hurt many people with unthoughtful words and unwanted actions that follow my words. I have to understand that no amount of apologizing I might bring myself to do will erase the effects of the words I use to break them down to make myself feel better.
Sometimes we say hurtful things so others may feel our pain. In reality, we need to stop hurting others because we have hurt ourselves to stop the circle of pain.
Happy Father’s Day to all the fantastic fathers worldwide and those wonderful mothers with no choice but to be both fathers and & mothers”s their children.
Any man can make a baby, but it takes a remarkable man to be your father. Just because you make one doesn’t make you one. You have to be there every day and every night and be what your father probably wasn’t for you for your child.
Father’s Day is funny because I have a Father, but people do not believe me just because of how I choose to express myself about the man that is my father. Not to mention, my mom has been the only person I’ve seen daily for 40 years.
For little girls to believe that no matter what, we’re going to be daddy’s little girls forever might be true for some girls but for me, it’s a different story.
My story is simple my dad was around for a while, then he just disappeared before I could even feel like a daddy’s girl.
I will not discredit him from being my father because that’s what he is, but I was never daddy’s little girl. But, still, I’m not going to blame him either for that because now that I’m older, I understand that you learn from what you see, and if you don’t have a father figure in your own life, how can your father your child if you we’re not fathered yourself.
I can’t be mad at him because I don’t know his upbringing or what he is like as a father figure. But, on the other hand, I am angry because instead of stopping the cycle, so probably starting it with him, he chose to keep the process going by not being a full-time dad and watching his children grow up and love him like all fathers should be loved.
If we can wrong our rights, do it.
If we can say I love you to someone we haven’t said today, let’s do it. No matter how we might feel about that person deserves to know that you love them. Whether they give it back to you is a different story. As long as you do your part and tell them that you love them, that’s all that matters.
No matter what, I love my dad because, without him, I would’ve never been brought into this world, And for that, I honor him.
He probably wasn’t the ideal father I would’ve chosen for myself, but as the world says, you can select the people that will be your family or be a part of it. So overall, he is my dad because he deserves to be acknowledged today and every day. After all, he’s my father.
Happy Galentine day to all my beautiful single ladies. I’ve always been a firm believer in only using a particular day or a memorable holiday to say I love you to someone.
We have had a crazy three years with Covid, and we should not use a day late Valentine’s Day to say I love you to someone. Instead, we should say I love you as much as a heart’s desire to say I love you.
Love is a fantastic process, but it’s hard work, and part of the process of love is knowing the first person you must love is yourself because if you don’t love yourself or you don’t attempt to love yourself, how are you going to share your heart with anyone else.
Being on this new journey of learning how to love myself even on my worst days, I am learning that I should build the best relationship I can with myself, and the only way I can do that is by giving myself self-care and self-love.
One of the things I’m in the process of dating is myself and spending time with myself getting to know myself in ways I never thought about getting to know myself.
Not everyone is perfect; people should not strive to be perfect. After all, when we strive to be perfect, that’s when things tend to fall apart.
In reality, no one’s perfect if I have learned anything at the beginning of this journey is that I have to love myself with all my flaws and realize said I’m not going to be everyone’s cup of tea.
Still, I am damn sure my favorite cup of tea because I’m not trying to fit that mole of being perfect and being untouchable that’s just not me.
I’ve made my mistakes; I’m learning to hold myself accountable. But, unfortunately, I’m also allowing other people to hold me responsible for my shit.
The amazing thing about love that is apart is forgiveness, and before anyone can forgive me for my shit, I have to forgive myself for my shit.
If I can’t forgive myself, how can I expect anyone to forgive me for any wrongdoing I’ve done? But, I’ll continue to do it because, throughout this journey, I realize I’m going to have minor slip-ups here and there.
I’m not going to be completely cured of the bitch said I was born to be, but at least I know the roots of my wrongdoings. So I can acknowledge that is nothing wrong with asking or admitting that you might need outside help once you can recognize that you open up a whole new world for yourself, and I believe that’s what I’ve done.
Nobody wants to be alone, especially not on Valentine’s Day, but if I think about it, I’m not alone because I have always had myself and the love of those who genuinely love me.
I felt that having someone was enough or sometimes wasn’t enough for me. I just never treated myself with love and respect as I am trying to work on myself right now—happy Galentine’s day to all, my beautiful ladies and couples around the world.
Love is not always what we are subject to when watching a love story in a movie.
Love is about knowing who you are as a person and how you are in love with yourself. Every day, you allow yourself to discover something new who you are.
Love is a feeling that many of us go blind because love has a bad habit of becoming a blindfold.
Love teaches us to work with who we are as a person and with someone else being a part of our lives.
Love is also about sacrifice, but we should sacrifice the things that make us who we are as individuals, like our belief system or change who we are to accommodate someone else.
Love is hard work, but that begins with oneself before we dare to say I love you, someone, other than yourself.
Loving me is loving all my imperfections and my flaws.
It’s crazy that I know who I should be to everyone else in my life.
I should be perfect for making up that I am not physically perfect to the rest of the world.
When it comes to who I should be to myself, I’m clueless because I’ve been so many things for so many people for so many years.
After all, I am a major people pleaser. But, I’m slowly walking into who I should be for myself, and the main thing I should manifest for myself is happy with myself.
My other manifestation for myself should be having my voice and not giving a fuck about what anybody thinks about me, all the things I have to say simply because no one lives in my skin.
People honor a man who died for change, and that has been some changes, but my opinion is the world has not changed enough because people are still looking at each other’s skin.
We should feel like a melting pot part of a beautiful rainbow by now. But, instead, we are still fighting for the color of our skin. The fact In this day in age, as people, we still have to prove that our skin color should no longer be.
The day we can stop killing each other or fighting each other for who skin is better, I would love to believe that we are going to be seen as people, not as a color.
Something that overwhelms me how are we truly honor his legacy? When we are killing each other instead of coming together and becoming an amazing iron fit that we should as a society.
No one would ever have to say they deserve better if they understood that beginning better is within themselves. Saying I deserve better sounds great, but how can we get better when we have no clue what better can be for us. The searching process of getting better begins with us, but a lot of us believe when we say we want better for ourselves, it means that our better should come from someone because we always rely on someone for everything that has to do with emotions.
Honestly, better does not happen overnight; we have to go through a strict checklist of things that would help us deserve better. Searching for in my 40s has led me to understand that it starts with me and ends with me. Better I now and forever is being able to live for myself and understand that the world is going to have an opinion on everything the job I have is to live my life. The other part of me deserving better is being strong enough to be selfish with myself and my time. Deserving better is understanding that I win every moment I wake up because I have been blessed with another day. Deserving better is understanding that as long as we don’t give our power away, no one can or should break who we are.
Humble Humility Gratitude Unconditional Love Unselfish putting my needs before her own. Having the feeling like superwoman, even if that means dragging herself to care for me when I understand that she should not be caring for me anymore, I should be making sure that she is being taken care of as the queen that she is. I know that she has always tried to show me that no matter what, she would always be my #1, but I never truly understood that until our relationship of her being my caregiver completely changed.
We always struggled to have that mother-daughter relationship. I have always felt like my mom has never seen me as me. My mother instead continues to see me as her disabled daughter. She is on this earth to protect. So I struggled to understand that she is a mom who wants more for her offspring than she could have, had for herself as a mom.
When women decided to become mothers, it was an honor that god blessed. Being a mother is a gift that should not be taken for granted, even though many of us take it for granted because we don’t always do the best for everything for that tiny human that has grown inside us for nine months. It takes more than someone calling us mommy for us to be acknowledged as mothers. A mother is supposed to be a nature. A mother is supposed to be a teacher. Most importantly, the mothers are supposed to be protectors. Unfortunately, some women choose to be women first over being mothers to their children.
His body was violated by someone that was supposed to handle his daily care, and she was just busy being a woman to notice that there was something wrong with her son.
How could anyone be so dam busy for someone who lived inside them without a care in the world? A mother’s job is to protect, and she failed him as his protector.
MY PERSONAL OPINION IS ONCE WE BECOME MOTHERS BEING A WOMAN SECOND TO HER FIRST JOB.
NO MATTER HOW SORRY SHE MIGHT BE, HE WILL NEVER GET HIS INNOCENCE BACK.
IF YOU RATHER BE A WOMAN FIRST THEN, YOU SHOULD HAVE MADE A BETTER DECISION FOR YOURSELF AND THAT OTHER LIFE.
When we decide to make changes in our lives, we have to make sure we are doing it for the right reason, but most importantly, we are doing it for ourselves.
The change should only happen when we need to improve ourselves or see something we might not like ourselves.
We should never change who we are to fit someone’s mounding of who we should be for them. Compromising is a give-and-take situation.
If anyone has to change who they are, then the person they begin to love is not who indeed are, and if anyone is going to love me, they will need to love me for me and all my flaws.
When people can love me for who I am, that’s real love because love is unconditional love.
The heartbeat that would change my life because that’s when I understood a tiny human lived inside of me.
The moment your heartbeat came through, we became this unbreakable team because we needed each other from that day forward.
Now that you are here, I can’t believe that I ever questioned if I could be your mom, but as long as I have you by my side, I know anything is possible, and as time goes on, we will be growing together.
I know we will make mistakes along the way, but I am grateful that you have chosen to be your mom.
The Memoir Of Ms. Butterfly 