I am lost for words, yet something insists on being spoken.
When I choose silence, I find myself singing a song no one hears. How can people listen to someone who refuses to speak?
And when I do speak, my words stumble out as contradictions— a clash against mankind itself.
Still, the tension between silence and speech is proof that I am alive, searching for a way to be understood.
BY: Ms. ButterFly Genesis
I wish you could see me now.
Not because I need you to, but because I finally can.
I’m in the most peaceful place I’ve ever known.
If I had known then what I know now, I would’ve fought harder to find myself sooner.
But this version of me needed time to bloom.
She’s softer. She’s stronger. She’s mine.
Peace isn’t just a feeling—it’s a face, and today it looks like me.
I finally see what you were trying to show me all those years ago.
That I needed to grow—not louder, not bolder in chaos—but inward.
That my strength wasn’t something to perform, but something to uncover quietly, patiently, within myself.
You knew that validation couldn’t come from applause or attention but from my voice and truth.
Back then, I thought being loud meant being heard.
I thought being “too much” would protect me from being overlooked.
But all it did was leave me with echoes that didn’t feel like mine.
And yet… in that solitude, something miraculous happened.
I met myself.
Not the version shaped by survival or performance, but the one who blooms in silence.
The one who listens to her heart and follows it, even when no one else understands.
For the past few months, I’ve been standing on my own.
Not out of defiance, but out of devotion—to myself.
And every day, I find a better version of me.
Not perfect. Not polished. But real.
Beautiful.
Worthy.
Enough.
So thank you—for planting the seed, even when I wasn’t ready to water it.
I see it now.
And I’m growing.
By: Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Body: I’ve always known I was blessed in more ways than one. But for a long time, I couldn’t see it—too tangled in my pain, too focused on what I thought I’d lost. You were my anchor, and when you left, I thought I drifted too far to find myself again.
But I was wrong.
It turns out that the parts of me I thought were gone were just tucked away and waiting and waiting for me to stop holding onto pain as a proxy for love. Waiting for me to choose myself—not despite you, but because of me.
Now I see the blessings. I see them in every discovery, every moment of joy, every breath I take without you. I’m still here. And that’s the biggest blessing of all.
I don’t need to hold onto the past to hold onto you. I need to keep becoming the woman I was always meant to be.
And I’m proud of her.
By: Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I lost you—
But in the losing,
I found the map again.
I found my voice
In the quiet strength
I didn’t know I had,
because I was too busy
standing behind someone
Who never turned around
to ask my name,
Or why my silence
sounded like survival.
I found myself—
In the mirror,
In the ache,
In the art.
But I lost you.
And maybe that was the cost
of becoming whole.
By: Ms. Butterfly Genesis
My mind, like a compass,
has charted the map of survival—
a terrain of letting go,
where love is lighter than loss,
And freedom is worth the unraveling.
But my heart…
She lingers in shadowed corners,
clutching echoes,
swaying to rhythms that no longer serve me
But still sounds like home.
I plead with her:
“Catch up.
Step in time with what I now know.”
Yet she folds into silence,
eyes wide with fear
That healing might erase the memory of feeling.
I am two voices,
written on the same page
In a different ink.
One says release,
The other whispers, remember.
And I don’t know
If this ache is resistance
or reverence.
But I do know—
Even confusion can be a kind of clarity,
If I dare to write it down
And let it speak.
By: Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I open my heart to you, not polished or guarded,
But torn and trembling, willing.
I lay down love, not love as compassion,
But the need to be consumed by another—
so I may reclaim peace as one undivided,
So, my thoughts may still walk in silence, and my reactions follow gracefully.
Forgive the moments I’ve responded from the storm,
not the sanctuary,
The times I’ve chosen impulse over insight
And let your gift seem forgotten.
I bleed truth before you now:
Not perfect, but present.
Not pure by achievement,
But willing to begin.
Let my sacrifice not be sadness
but strength—
not a denial, but a devotion.
Make my mind up.
Make my spirit still.
And let your sacrifice ripple through me
as a renewal,
Not a regret.
Amen.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I was born stitched from stars misaligned, different by design— not broken, but blazing.
They stare, but don’t see the strength in my stride, the courage it takes to move through a world that flinches at difference.
I don’t shrink. I rise.
Because fear clings to the unfamiliar, and silence grows where questions are not asked.
So don’t assume— just ask.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I was born into battle
a world that tested me, a love that constrained me,
but never a force strong enough to stop me.
She raised me to believe,
to press my feet into the earth and call it my own,
but still, in her mind,
I am a shadow of what I have already become.
I do not wait for permission to rise.
I do not shrink to fit into the past.
I am a woman,
etched by survival,
formed by my own hands.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
What else is left to say
when the heart has screamed itself hoarse,
when its walls have cracked wide open
so someone—anyone—could see
the blue blood spilling,
pleading without words?
But wounds can be blind, too,
scarred thick like stone—
too numb to flinch,
too closed to break again.
And so, silence swallows the echoes,
and the heart learns
what it already knew—
some cries fall softly
into the abyss, unheard.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I want my heart to still,
to silence the echo of your name.
I want my ribs to unburden
the weight of love carved too deep.
If I could unfeel, I could unhurt.
If I could unlove, I could unbreak.
But wishes slip through trembling hands,
and prayers unravel in the wind.
One day, perhaps, you will step into my life
as easily as you step away.
We will fold into each other like pages in a book,
then tear apart at the spine,
It was never meant to be reread.
I can wish.
I can beg the stars to rewrite our fate.
But life is not kind with guarantees.
And love—love is never ours to command.
Ms.Butterfly Genesis
Yesterday casts its shadow long,
A melody, a distant song.
Today, we try, we bend, we mold,
Yet yesterday’s grip feels firm and bold.
But promise whispers in the air,
That today, too, holds threads to repair.
What was once cannot remain—
For every sun must rise again.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I tinted his heart with shades of regret,
Lost in the echoes of words unsaid.
It is more straightforward to break than to mend,
Love, denied, refused to bend.
Years pass, and the weight still clings,
In the silence, my heartstrings sing.
Seeking peace in the fragments of the past,
Hoping for an opportunity,
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
It’s been a while since I put pen to paper, so here goes nothing. 2024 is leaving, and we’re welcoming 2025 into our lives; those who have to leave things behind should and will leave them behind because the whole point of a New Beginning is being able to leave the old baggage behind. I’m saying that all to say that I’m saying that all to say this.
I’m leaving 2024 with a lot of blessings and a lot of opportunities that I never thought in 1 million years I would have always seen, and one of the significant things that I am proud to say 2024 has given me is a new lease on life and the newest chapter of my life. And those who know me know I am a total girly girl throwing through. That’s what I am. That’s what I’ve always been.
For the last few weeks, I’ve been contemplating buying myself a ring—not just any ring, but one that represents recommitment to myself as a person and a woman.
When people or the world chooses to look down at my hands and ask me what that is, I will say it’s a commitment I have made to myself coming into 2025. I’m committing to having the best relationship with myself that I can have.
Before I can have any relationship with someone else, I’m committing to putting myself first and foremost.
I’m also committing to being kind and understanding to myself, and I’m also committing to loving and growing with myself as I grow; I know I will make mistakes because who doesn’t make mistakes?
But those mistakes are gonna be my learning stepping stone to becoming a better version of who I know I can be and should be for myself and no one else. Who better to be married to me than me? I choose me for now and forever. It’s all me.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I hate reliving the past, but it is so difficult not when a simple word can take me to a negative part of something that was supposed to be a dream come true. It was a dream come true the first day I was on cloud nine because my heart overflowed with love.
Anytime I saw our lives together, I saw it through his eyes because having the ability to see through his eyes made everything seem peaceful and grateful. I was selfish because I wanted and needed things to be perfect.
I never really understood what the obsession needed to be perfect until a few years later, I found myself in situations where it was not so perfect for me to be apart.
Not being perfect was out of the question because I did not want him to rethink his choice of being with me.
So, in my mind, I had to be flossed because even though the world never asked me to be perfect, I put pressure on myself to be someone I was never built to be.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
MY DESIRE TO SCREAM I PROMISE TO ANYONE WHO IS CRAZY ENOUGH TO READ THIS THAT MY DESIRE TO SCREAM IS A NEED AND JUST A WANT.
I NEED TO SCREAM BECAUSE IF I DON’T FIND THE STRENGTH WITHIN MYSELF TO DO SOMETHING I HAVE DENIED FOR YEARS BECAUSE OF THE FEAR OF NO ONE LISTENING TO ME.
I HAVE ALWAYS SAID NO ONE WILL EVER LISTEN TO MY ACHED HEART, BUT HOW DO I KNOW THAT WHEN I HAVE NEVER TRIED TO LEAVE MYSELF OPEN TO SAY WHAT I FEEL OR IF ANYONE IS SAYING SOMETHING, I AM NOT READY TO SHUT DOWN LIKE A LAPTOP OR AN IPAD.
HOW CAN I MAKE PROGRESS AS A PERSON WHO WANTS AND NEEDS TO LISTEN BETTER TO MOVE FORWARD IN LIFE? I AM CONSTANTLY CHOOSING TO CHECK OUT EVERY CHANCE I GET BECAUSE THAT’S ALWAYS BEEN THE EASIEST THING FOR ME. I DON’T WANT ANYONE READING THIS TO BELIEVE I LOVE HAVING THINGS HANDED TO ME. I WILL WORK FOR EVERYTHING I HAVE AND WANT IN MY LIFE.
WHEN IT COMES TO SHARING MY FEELINGS ON PAPER, I FEEL LIKE I DO GREAT EVEN THOUGH MY ENGLISH SOMETIMES MIGHT NOT BE ENGLISH TO PEOPLE WHO TRY AND READ MY FEELING BECAUSE THERE MIGHT BE WORDS MISSING OR A WHOLE ASS SENTENCE IS MISSING, SO IT THROWS THE PIECE OFF.
EVEN THOUGH THE WHOLE WORLD HAS TOLD ME OVER AND OVER AGAIN TO GIVE UP SOMETHING LIKE WRITING THAT I LOVE MORE
THAN ANYTHING ELSE THAT HAS BEEN A PART OF LIFE.
PEOPLE HAVE DIFFERENT TYPES OF LOVE LANGUAGES; MINE HAPPENS TO BE WRITING. I COULD AND WILL NOT SEE MYSELF HAVING ANOTHER LOVE LANGUAGE.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I’m blessed that I am going to be blessed to see 43.
It’s a blessing because I was not supposed to make it past a few hours after entering this world.
Coming into this world, two pounds and one ounce, anything and everything is questionable.
God saw something special in me. He pushed me strong enough that I could still be here 43 years later when sometimes I question myself and my existence in the world.
I want to believe why I question my existence when I understand if I can question why I am still here when I have nothing important to show for the 43 years of my life.
The only thing I have to show my 43 years are the scars my heart holds on to from the many times it has been used and abused by the world we live in because my heart has always struggled to see the bad in people.
When people read this piece, they will say, “Stop complaining, and don’t do anything to change your life so you may feel better about it.”
The only response I could give was that I felt stuck within myself. I have imagined many times before where I would have been at the age of 43, owing something that is my own and independently away from my mama, showing her that she has given me many tools to survive on my own.
I will always need to know whether she and I share the same space.
Love is over Reddit, and I am not even worried if love finds me again because the best person to love is me, even though I can be honest with myself and say I have not always been the most loving person to myself.
Once in a while, I might fall back into old habits because I have no clue how to not be hard on myself.
GRATEFUL BEYOND MEASURE
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Waiting is a state of mind
A test of patience and endurance
A challenge of faith and hope
A struggle of doubt and fear
Waiting is a game of time
A countdown of seconds and minutes
A stretch of hours and days
A measure of weeks and months
Waiting is a choice of action
A pause of movement and speech
A delay of plans and goals
A postponement of dreams and desires
Waiting is a chance of change
A growth of wisdom and maturity
A learning of lessons and skills
A discovery of self and others
Waiting is a part of life
A reality of love and loss
A possibility of joy and sorrow
A mystery of fate and destiny
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
The world spins on, and I'm here standing still,
Haunted by the space that only you can fill.
I've penned my chapters, but the ink runs dry,
It's your name that echoes under every sky.
Oh, the one who got away, do you feel the space we made?
In every crowd, it's you I seek, in every shadow, every shade.
I'm stepping forward, but my heart remains behind,
In the hope that you'll return, and once more I'll find...
The safety of your arms, the harbor of your embrace,
Where every shattered piece falls back into place.
You're the missing verse, the melody that stays,
The home within your arms, the light in all my days.
I've tried to lock the door, leave the past behind,
But your love was the key, the one of a kind.
If whispers in the wind could bring you to my door,
I'd send a thousand words, like waves upon the shore.
Oh, the one who got away, can you hear my heart's refrain?
I'm searching for the echo of your voice, calling my name.
I'm moving forward, but I'm looking back in vain,
For the one who got away, to bring me home again.
So here's my love letter, to the one who slipped through,
The one who held my heart, in ways only you knew.
If you ever feel lost, if you ever long for home,
Remember my arms are waiting, and you're never alone.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Your journey with Ms. Butterfly Genesis sounds truly inspiring, and it’s wonderful to hear how you’ve channeled your blessings into creating something meaningful and impactful. Establishing a foundation like Mabel Inc to support individuals with disabilities is a noble endeavor, and it’s clear that your personal experiences have given you a unique insight into the importance of belonging and community support.
Creating a space where everyone feels included and valued, regardless of their abilities, can make a significant difference in many lives. Your dedication to giving back and empowering others is commendable, and it’s heartening to see you use your platform to advocate for such a cause.
In the garden of life, every flower has a place,
Where the sun shines warm on every face.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis, with wings so wide,
Spreads hope and love, far and wide.
Mabel Inc’s doors open, welcoming all,
A haven for growth, where none shall fall.
Here, every soul, both young and old,
Can find their strength, and stories untold.
With every act, with every deed,
We plant the seeds of a kinder creed.
For in this world, so vast and wide,
It’s love and care that turn the tide.
Everyone please do me huge favor go to where it says Mabel Inc on Menu bar give what you can so we may watch my newest baby grow into something special.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Strength, indeed, is a remarkable form of beauty. It transcends mere appearances, reaching deep within the core of every woman. It’s the quiet resilience that carries her through storms, the unwavering determination that fuels her dreams, and the fierce courage that propels her forward.
Beyond the surface, where skin meets sunlight, lies a force that defies gravity. It’s the strength to rise after every fall, to lift others even when her own shoulders ache. It’s the beauty of scars—etched stories of battles fought and won.
A woman’s power is like the ocean—vast, mysterious, and teeming with life. She nurtures, creates, and transforms. Her laughter echoes through generations, and her tears water the roots of empathy. She is both the gentle breeze and the tempest, the quiet whisper and the thunderclap.
So let us celebrate this unseen beauty, this strength that binds us all. For it is in the quiet moments, the unyielding spirit, and the shared sisterhood that we glimpse the true power of a woman. 🌟💪🌸
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
For a long time, I thought that lying was the right thing to do, but self-consciously, I knew it was the wrong thing to do because I knew wrong, and I knew the truth from a lie.
I found it easy to keep the truth from those I cared about and the kids about me. I felt if I was ever to be vulnerable with people about actual things that were happening. They wouldn’t look at me as being perfect or ideal.
So that’s why I would like to protect my image of being perfect and superwoman in many situations and with the people I love most. I have not been in the place I’m in with my life, and I understand that I can’t be perfect; I have to be me.
Being me means not always speaking most respectfully, not always coming across as very educated, and sometimes means being challenged to deal with, trying to guess when I’m lying and when I’m telling the truth, and not being afraid of being labeled a bitch because that’s what I am. one of my biggest challenges are trying to make people believe that I’ve changed for the better, not the worst. I still have a mouth on me; yes, can I go off the deep end? Yes, I still struggle with communication regarding how to express myself more respectfully.
Still, I have no more reason to lie because, for many years, I tried to be perfect, and I wasn’t. As I get older, I care less than less about being perfect and more about being me, but it’s tough when you start something, and that’s all people see you as a liar.
The main reason why people see me the way they do or label me the way they do is because I gave them reasons to label me and see me the way they do. I acknowledge that I accept that, but what I won’t accept is to be victimized by my past that’s in my past, not in my future.
When certain people in my life hear me, don’t listen, but hear me speak on me being there for them or anybody else in my life, they automatically think, oh, she’s talking about money, and I’m not talking about money because many ways you can be there for people without money You can listen to them when they’re going through something you can be there at the most challenging moments in their lives and the happiest as well.
I learned a long time ago. That money keeps no one, and that money is just paper that goes away within 2 to 3 days. I should know I spend it like water, but when talking about being there for someone, I’m talking about being that person’s year.
Hence, they have someone to talk to if they want to talk or if they want to yell or vent or be those arms to make them feel safe, wanted, needed, desired, protected, or just being that face they could look into and know that they’re looking at someone that loves them just as much or maybe more than anybody else could ever.
Maybe I was brought up the wrong way, but I was brought up in a way that you don’t talk about me; you don’t show your emotions. And that seems funny because I’m very emotional, sometimes too emotional, and I don’t know how to hide my emotions because I always wear my emotions on my sleeves.
You could read it all over my face when something is wrong. I’m sad and happy because I show a big contradiction from what I said before. Still, I do not know how to hide when I’m happy, sad, or in love, not when my heart has been broken when I’ve lost someone I care about; that shit is hard to hide.
I am the type of person who, if you’re going through something, I’m going through it with you. I feel it. I experienced it slightly differently than anybody else, but I feel it; I live it.
But I tell myself I can’t break because I have to be vital for whoever is going through something at that particular moment in time. I never focus on myself because I like to make sure that everyone around me is OK and cared for before I can think about myself, and yes, I know that many people who know me would probably disagree with the statement I just made, but it’s true. I think about others before I think about myself.
Sometimes, I wish I could be selfish and think about myself and somebody else, but I don’t have it in me to be selfish; I like to give. Most people call that people-pleasing, but I call it giving.
I’m not expecting anything in return when I do things for others because I know God when my time comes, will bless me in the best way possible by allowing me to enter into his kingdom as the child that I am.
He won’t keep condemning me for my past because everyone has a past. No one is leaving this earth without one. Mine seems to hurt me every day of my life because every day of my life, I’m reminded of the pain caused by the troubles that I did. Still, as I said before, I won’t be victimized for my past.
My past is my past, my future is my future, whatever my future is, that is what it is going to be because that’s what I want to be if that means being alone for the rest of my life and dedicating myself to thinking that I love the most which are writing and of course, being around family then I’m OK with that I have to be and I need to be.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
GIRL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO YOURSELF?
MY RESPONSE IS SIMPLY WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU I’M IN LOVE WITH HIM.
YOU INDEED LOVE, AND NO ONE IS TELLING YOU NOT BECAUSE AS LONG AS YOU HAVE A HEARTBEAT LOVE WILL BE POURING OUT FOR HIM.
I HATE THAT, BUT GIRL, THAT IS YOUR TRUTH AND ANOTHER TRUTH THAT IS CONSTANTLY HE COULD BE YOUR PERSON BUT THAT DOES HE NEEDS TO BE YOURS.
GIRL, THE BLAME HAS TO STOP YOU GOING TO BE 42 YEARS OLD BEFORE YOU KNOW IT.
TAKE ACCOUNTABILITY FOR YOUR ACTIONS. NO ONE PUSHED YOU TO DO ANYTHING YOU DIDN’T WANT TO DO.
ALL THE SHIT YOU THROWOUT IS BECAUSE YOU WANT TOO.
THAT’S WHY HE DOES NOT BELIEVE IN THE PERSON YOU WOULD LIKE TO SHOW HIM.
YOU PRAY FOR THE RECONNECTION BETWEEN HIM AND YOU FOR SUCH A LONG TIME AND FOR GOD TO BE AS GREAT AS HE IS GOD ANSWERED YOUR PRAYER FOR YOU.
GIRL, THIS WAS YOUR TIME; SHINE AND SHOW HIM THAT YOU HAVE BEEN THE WOMAN THAT HE BEEN MISSING FOR SUCH A LONG TIME.
GIRL, YOU PRAYED HARDER THAN ANYONE I KNOW, AND I SERIOUSLY HAD HOPE. THAT’S WHY I CAN’T WRAP MY HEAD AROUND HOW YOU COULD FUCK UP SOMETHING YOU WANTED MORE THAN ANYTHING IN THE WORLD.
IT’S OKAY TO LOVE HIM FROM AFAR.
GIRL LET HIM GO AND STOP BLAMING FOR YOUR IMMATURE.
GIRL, YOU MIGHT NEVER KNOW TO CLOSE THAT CHAPTER OF HIM.
WALK AWAY AND FIND YOUR STRENGTH.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Close one door before opening another door.
I am trapped in a doorway I have tried to close for many years.
It’s been unhealthy for my heart and soul just because I have poured myself and what I don’t into the impossible.
The part of who I am is I don’t back down from a challenge because, from the first moment I could take my first breath, I knew I was born to be a fighter.
Regarding matters of the heart, I’m a total fuckup because my heart has blinders that part of me is not ready to lift and have the truth slapped in the face.
The process of rebuilding is having the truth slapping me in the face but not all at once, but it is not giving me a choice or how much of it gets in my front.
I guess the moral of my story is simple and that is must put on my big girl panties and challenge myself by facing my fuck up.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Birthdays are a celebration of life and the person accomplishes, whether here or not.
Birth is a true gift from god that no one should take for granted because we feel like we can and should.
It’s so difficult for me to live in the moment sometimes because my brain is always ready to move on to the next thing instead of enjoying the little things in front of us.
No one has tomorrow, so I celebrate the life you were and still have, even though you are not physically here.
The world assumes just because time has gone by, it hurts a little less, but that is so far from the truth that all I choose to do is laugh.
It hurts more now than the first birthday I celebrated without your face in mine.
There are so many things that push me through a day like today, and though things are, no one else could say they had you the way I did or knew something like what made you happy or sad.
Besides celebrating life, I miss those quiet moments when I choose not to make the world apart.
I miss you
Love You
Keep Celebrating and keep being my #1 Angel.
I will keep doing my part and hold you down as I have been.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I need to get something off my chest, and it’s essential. We always talk about women’s empowerment, but it’s so easy to break down a woman over any little thing, such as body shaming someone because they don’t fit someone’s stereotype is difficult to believe in women’s empowerment when you have celebrities and Women who choose to break down other women in the same industry as themselves to make themselves look good, or feel good about themselves.
If you’re going to try to break anyone down for any reason, you should turn the mirror on yourself and break yourself apart and see if you genuinely like who you are, as you’re hurting yourself apart.
You would probably figure out that you don’t like yourself because if you did, you would not have the time or the energy to break down another woman. Especially nowadays in 2023.
It’s already challenging for women to make a name for themselves, let alone stand with other women who feel they have the power to break others down. So why break another woman just because you’re hurt as a woman?
As I said, if you can’t break yourself down as a woman to see your flaws, another female has no right to breakdown down that female and expose her flaws.
As women, we get a lot of slack for being called petty and just straight-up bitches, instead of trying to uplift who we are as women and show the world that we deserve a spot in this world, not because we’re petty bitches. Still, we’re strong and stand up for something, which is what women’s empowerment is supposed to be about.
Don’t get me wrong, I won’t say that I don’t enjoy celebrity lives because that’s what I follow on my social media apps, and that’s what I report on. However, I hate when the same women who choose to break down other women speak on woman empowerment.
Instead of doing the truth of women’s empowerment, they instead take the lowest of women’s empowerment and prove to the world that women cannot get along or have the ability to uplift each other without being jealous.
I also understand that being 41, I shouldn’t look into a celebrities life and have them show me what women’s empowerment is being 41 and disabled. But I know what women’s empowerment is, and that’s not putting another woman down but trying to uplift, teach, and be there for one another, whether you like the person or not.
Just be there, and as women, we need to stop playing like we’re still in high school and realize that every single woman is different from each other, and we find ourselves in different stages in our lives. That at every single step that you might be at or I might be at, but that doesn’t mean that we have the right to put anyone down for whatever reason; uplifting is the key, and if no one understands, there’s no truth to woman’s empowerment.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
March is the month of Cerebral palsy, and for those who don’t know what that means, I don’t look at cerebral palsy as a disability but as an ability to do things the world said I would not be able to do.
Cerebral palsy occurs during birth, and that’s what we do during our difficult entry into the world.
I say ours because I share a womb with my fantastic twin brother.
We were born at seven months, weighing in at two pounds one ounce each, with no clue that we were coming in with any struggles at the time of our birth.
We had four older siblings in a country where health care was impossible for everyone. Our diagnosis six months after our birth shocked our family because my mom was constantly under high-risk care until our birth date.
As a mother, you could never imagine being wrong with your babies after experiencing four normal home births.
The most shocking thing was that it was two instead of one.
God knows why he chose our amazing mother to face such a challenge with special needs children.
The biggest challenge I struggle with being disabled is not being treated like a human because of my disability.
We should look at each other’s abilities before anyone’s physical challenges.
There is so much bullshit going on in the world beyond my heart.
But I seriously can not help and feel like I’m losing my fucking mind because there is no off switch to my brain or way to erase who and what he was in my life.
If I dare to erase that part of my life, even though it’s painful for me because my heart still loves very blindly, this type has taught me that I’m hell-strong and I was blessed to find my person and enjoy moments that no matter who might be crazy enough to step up and do better.
It won’t happen.
I firmly believe in people having one chance to find their person.
I found my person from the moment we locked eyes. We had terrific moments.
Even though we shared a wonderful moment, that wasn’t enough for me to ask for what I thought was best for the person I was back then because, back then, I refused to rock the boat.
After rocking the boat the way I did, I came to terms with the fact the person I chose to let go of my person.
It was too late to get back to the person in life.
What made this person my person was: He studied me and knew who I was before I could figure out who I was for myself.
Our love was one of a kind in our book because everything happened so quickly, and the best part about it was that everything we were was like a great puzzle piece.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I don’t want to be stupid.
For you to be successful, I have to have the strength to the door of feeling unwanted and under deserved just because my heart wants what it wants.
My heart is clueless about the fact that no matter what the heart wants, it might not be what it needs.
I might wish to him like a blood vessel that runs throughout
my body for me to stay alive.
The body has a way of breaking down, so we either get rid of what’s toxic or find different ways for the body to work without realizing something is missing.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
To stop loving him, I need to use my heartlessness and allow my mind to take over.
Even with all the mind power we Retain as humans, I can’t stop thinking about him and how much I could make things different between him and me by making a simple wish. Life is more complex, though.
You can’t make a wish, and you get what you want. As people, sometimes we don’t get what we want. We get what we need, and as much as I might wish to him, he might be the last thing I need.
Ms.Butterfly Genesis
I lost myself while trying to please everyone in my life or around my life.
The funny thing is that while I try to find myself again, I am losing the people I have spent years trying to please.
I’d rather have me than people constantly waiting for me to please them instead of pleasing who I’m trying to become, who is grateful to be with herself.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Home is comfy.`
Home is safety.
Home is love.
Home understands that no matter how badly I could mess up, those arms will welcome me back and let me know everything will be okay.
Home has never been perfect; home is what I have made it to be, and the main thing I have completed my home, home to be is something unstable because I love to push my boundaries. Still, even I can say I have gone too far with my limits; that’s why finding a place in what I call home is challenging.
Places, people, and things have limitations, and we can push until we can’t push anymore, but there is no grant that we won’t be left alone because we took it upon ourselves to go overboard.
The moral of my story is I pushed until I could not push anymore, and now that I want to find my place at home, I don’t have one. Too much damage has been done, so the home I once knew of love is no longer love but a lot of what-ifs.
If we don’t want to lose what home is, we have to understand what home is and what home brings to our souls.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
She is insignificant.
She is worthless.
She has no value in my life.
No matter what she tries, she will always fail simply because she is a failure.
He might be her happiness, but she is not his.
Those are wounds that bleed every time she leaves herself vulnerable to him, understanding that she does not mean anything to him and never will.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
We should never force pieces to fall into place.
Pieces should fall into place naturally without someone forcing it.
If we try to force pieces together, we tend to watch things fall apart faster.
Knowing where and how to grab those pieces falling apart becomes challenging.
As those pieces fall apart, we have to sit within ourselves to figure out how to piece those pieces together when we lack feeling complete.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
My heart is weighty simply because, as women, we take our abilities to have children for granted.
The main reason I feel the way I do is Because we have 17-year-old girls that have no business having sex or having children.
What’s even more frustrating is how easy it is for them to bear children and then hurt them like their heartbeat was underneath their hearts.
As a woman in my 40s and physically disabled, it always makes me wonder how a woman or a little girl, I should say, could hurt a human being.
They can’t fight back or never had the chance to fight back for their own lives. Being disabled, I get looked at all the time, which doesn’t bother me. What bothers me is when people or the world say I shouldn’t try to be a mother because I’m physically disabled.
Then you have these teenage girls feel like their invisible to pregnancy couldn’t happen to them because they’re so young and naïve, and it happens to them like magic.
What’s more hurtful is how easy it is for them to hurt a human life that came from a part of them, and they were able to carry them for nine months living inside them as if it was nothing special to feel something with a heartbeat move around inside their body.
I asked the world today how I can have the right question about my motherhood because of my disability and my ability to care for a child that lived inside me for nine months, which I would love because it’s a little human that represents me.
I want more than anything in the world, but nobody questions a 17-year-old girl that has no idea how to wipe her ass. How could she hurt something so innocent that lived inside her for nine months?
Whether it was expected or a surprise, she decided to take it to full-term, so how or why would you hurt a human life they couldn’t fight for themselves. There are plenty of women out there who would do anything to be mothers, and it’s a shame that 17, and 16,15-year-old girls act like it’s nothing to have them and kill them and not even give them a chance to explore the world around them.
Children have a right to live. They deserve to be loved, nurtured, and cared for. They should not feel the burden of us being overwhelmed or not prepared well enough for them.
When deciding to have sex, we must be responsible and understand that having sex brings many consequences more than having babies and STDs. Babies should not be having babies, and if we do decide to have sex remember there are better choices than killing a human life that had no say if they wanted to be a part of this world.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Don’t keep stabbing me with your words.
I stab myself every day with the reminder of not having you a part of my life.
What I saw as a simple mistake was life-changing for all of us because as I sit here today, I always go back and what if in every situation I go through every day.
There is one thing I am sure of the life-changing situation that would’ve never happened; we would’ve lived happily ever after.
Of course not perfect to me because every road is rocky, but even if it had been rocky, we would’ve been solid because we would have been fighting for ourselves.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Sometimes in life, we let particular things in our own lives discourage us from what we want for ourselves.
I know it’s easier said than done to say don’t let things prevent you away from the most positive things in your life.
Sometimes we hope and pray that somebody brings this positivity.
We have to find our positivity and what brings joy in our lives. What gets me happiness today doesn’t necessarily mean it might bring somebody else happy.
My joy knows that I can be creative and express myself through words. Words have a lot of power, but actions are a lot more powerful.
If your words don’t match your actions, it’s not going to mean shit because when we talk about words and actions, it’s like putting a puzzle together want all the right pieces to fit in the right places; if they don’t, that means starting from scratch until they work in the right areas.
If your words are not going to match your actions, you might as well not save them and hope and pray that you can find another way to show who you are as a person.
We give words power and strength and action, so let’s use words wisely and Kindly before throwing them out there like they don’t mean anything.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I find myself in the place where I’m asking myself where, when, and how I could end up here again.
I find myself in a bowl of different emotions hoping to Unroll all these other emotions that have rolled up in a giant ball that might drop at the edge of a dime if I am not careful.
Many people would ask why when I opened the door again for something; I was so determined to keep it closed because I hated what I was becoming and felt like no matter what I did or said, I wasn’t going to be good enough or sorry enough to move forward.
I know then no one is ever supposed to say never, but when it comes to certain things in my life, I know I could never say because I heard from my horse mouth.
Even though that someone has and was able to bring me joy at a particular time in my life. Where I am in my life, I don’t know if I am working on impulse when I decide that I would be okay with opening that door again?
When I opened the door to that someone, I thought I had most of my inner struggles under control. But, honestly speaking, I don’t have shit under control.
I am someone that seriously prides herself in having control over certain things in her life because physically, I don’t have control over things because I need so much.
Love and my heart are the only things I control over who and when I decide to give them away. When it came to my person, I felt like I didn’t get a chance to decide because my heart did it for me.
I want to ask questions, but I want to get answers, but part of me is not ready for those answers because I’ll get the worst before getting if I ever get the best.
Closing a circle is always tricky because you don’t know where or how to tie off the loop.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
If I am incomplete as a woman to myself, how can I pretend to be whole to the rest of the world? I can’t be a complete woman for the world and part of it.
Taking accountability for not knowing who I am or what I am looking for as a person or woman makes me incomplete. When I understand who I am, I can understand the type of woman I want to be for myself.
I can’t just say that I need to take accountability for my mistakes or me not feeling complete as a woman.
The only way I can accept accountability for anything I found in my life Or anything I’ve done to others who have not deserved my bad behavior.
If I can be honest with myself and say and admit to myself that I was in the wrong, I need help figure out why I would behave the way I act towards myself and others trying to be there.
The only thing that comes to my mind when I begin to think about my behavior is my acting out towards everyone who has tried to make it into something that I don’t want to be or never allowing me to find who I am as a person.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Disability is what I have, but it’s not who I am.
It’s a shame that we are going into 2022, and we still have to fight to be seen and heard as human begins.
I have been fighting for the last 40 years to find a space in this world where I can feel like myself.
There is only one place where I feel like myself: on my blog site where I feel at home with myself.
My blog site is not the only place where I try to share myself or inspire others with my words or how I try to overcome my many limitations.
I am sad to say, or maybe I am not sorry that those other platforms are not ready for people who might look or sound different from ordinary able body people.
The public had always made me feel like I have been ashamed of my disability because when I started using these platforms, I would never show myself in my wheelchair.
I wanted the world to read about my journey throughout life without showing pity to the girl in the wheelchair. I get enough of that when I am out public.
The world becomes even amazed when they see I could date.
One of my favorite lines that I come across is I am too beautiful to be in a wheelchair. What the fuck does that mean?
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
If I am happy today, it has nothing to do with you.
If you see me satisfied, leave me alone because I can finally breathe freely without the pressures like feeling chained up.
I am happy today because I finally found that peace of mind within myself.
I finally completed it because I am beginning to start a better relationship with myself.
I am happy, and the crazy thing is I don’t need a reason to be satisfied.
I am happy now & forever, and I will not allow anyone to steal my joy because my joy is part of who I am spiritual.
If I ever allow anyone else to steal my joy again, I reevaluate who is around me and why?
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I thought this would be a simple piece for me to write because I’m so used to putting my feelings on paper.
It’s not as simple as I thought it would be because researching to give people some knowledge on cancer has been around for years. People don’t realize that cancer has many different faces and has many different ages.
As I’m putting this piece together, I’m frustrated simply because all my research has been on children who have to live with different types of cancers, a battle for their lives, and hope and pray that they make it into adulthood.
As a family, how can we explain to any child that they are up against the biggest battle of their life, cancer? Of course, as children, they should not worry about something like cancer, but that’s not the reality for many children.
Cancer has been silent for many of them; that’s why a place like Saint Jude exists because we know our children need a niche that is going to be home away from home. It’s not just a hospital; it becomes a home away from home.
So how do we prepare any child to fight to have an everyday life? If it’s difficult for an adult to understand and battle cancer. I could imagine what a child would feel like when adults explain that they need to become like a superhero to overcome everything thrown at them.
Is Five-year-old fighting for their life is normal to me? And the answer is simply no; they should be out and about just being kids and not having to worry about fighting for their lives.
Saint Jude’s is a place away from home. They tell you constantly there is a place away from home; they don’t turn anybody away. But, they’re willing to fight with you and for you as long as you give them something to fight.
Everybody in the world has different battles, and we all fight them differently, but when it comes to kids, it’s hard. It’s more than complex. It’s unbearable to see them go through what they need to go through so they can have a chance to live.
It’s a place like Saint Judes that gives them that chance to fight for their lives and live for themselves and no one else and gives their families a sense of hope.
Saint Jude is that second family that everyone becomes a part of with no fear of being turned away. Saint Jude is that place that breaks their back to fight long aside with the families and tries to give them a sense of hope. Many of these families lose hope because sometimes it is difficult to adjust to their new normal.
The new normal for those families is to become brave soldiers; they find new ways of treating and become less scary for a child.
The best part of saint Jude hospital is how far in being one of the best leading cancer research hospitals. The most important thing for everyone involved is to give every child a fighting chance to live.
Everything that is obtained for research is to help each child to become brave soldiers during their battle. The scary part about all of this is that the most terrifying is all the stories. I have encountered different children. Who are even too young to grasp what is genuinely happening to them entirely.
The main conclusion is that I no longer have the right to feel sorry for myself or my physical limitations because all these kids don’t ask why me or how? When people stop being consumed with myself and things that don’t matter. People would realize that there is so much more in the world, especially these kids who have every right to complain but don’t they greet with a smile? Instead of us making them feel better, they find a way to make us feel better.
Life is about being selfish. I believe this is when we should be selfish and give our future generation a chance to live an everyday life free of any disease taking over their bodies.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
It’s not that I can’t stop speaking to him.
It’s more about how I feel when I don’t talk to him.
I couldn’t even imagine not speaking to him for as long as we did not. I guess what made it a little easier when we were not talking was that we were heavily involved in different relationships, and I wanted to move forward with my life.
Even though I knew that I could never be with anyone else, that was not him.
Anyone asks me if I have a legit reason to stay away from him, my answer would have been yes, but I don’t because my heart would no longer beat if he weren’t around.
Despite all our back and forth, I can’t, or should I say, I don’t want to see myself doing life without him for two reasons I feel at home when he’s around.
He can finish my thoughts without me speaking to him, and everyone in the world looks for someone who can look at the other person know what the other person is thinking or feeling without saying, and that’s what I have with him.
He is everything I wanted, but I’m a grown-ass woman, and I have to take responsibility for why he and I are no longer together.
I always knew how to a bottle of my feelings. Then exploded with no return, and that’s what happened to me.
I could never be as transparent with him as I am today.
I was scared of losing him, so I just kept playing as superwoman while on the inside; I was dying, and I was falling apart, but I couldn’t share it with my partner because I didn’t want to seem weak, incapable of being with him.
So I kept my feelings and my emotions to myself. Until the disastrous nightmare of me exploring, I was finally letting everything out.
It wasn’t the right time or the right place, but I didn’t know how to contain myself anymore.
That was going to be someone that I would spend the rest of my life with and that I was going to build a family, but I couldn’t tell him all I felt until I exploded.
I can imagine people reading this would be so confused about building a family with whom I couldn’t communicate my feelings.
Still, I’ve always been the type of person never to share my feelings or thoughts because I’ve always felt that no one is interested in knowing how I think, so whatever I might be going through, I keep it to myself.
I know my last statement will confuse the shit out of people because how could I not speak my feelings verbally, but I could write my feelings out on a public blog site with no problems, no fear of judgment.
My life has always been filled with contradictions, and I guess this is one of them because I don’t want to bother people with my feelings, but I don’t mind sharing my thoughts on a public blogs site.
Where strangers judge me on everything that comes out of my mouth because it’s not always perfect, but my feelings are shared.
One mistake changes my life for the rest of my life. My life has never been the same because I’ve never allowed myself to feel what I feel for him for anybody else. After all, he means that much to me.
I prayed that one day he would come back into my life and forgive me but never forget what I did, and in some way, we could start from scratch because that’s something my heart always desired.
My prayer came accurate after 15 years, but we haven’t started from scratch because his heart doesn’t want me. His soul belongs to someone else, and I’m not worthy of him forgiving me for what I did. But I also can’t keep punishing myself for something that happened 15 years ago every day, but he tells me he loves someone else. So it’s like punishing me because all I want to do is be with him no matter what he says.
I wish he could love me or at least allow us a second chance, but as I said in the previous lines before, I know I’m not worthy of him giving me a second look at me differently just because we’re older now.
Even though he doesn’t see the difference in me, I’ve been able to change because we can talk about things, and we have been able to be transparent as we want to be with each other without worrying about who’s feelings will get hurt.
Yes, I still have a mouth on me, and my mouth still finds ways of getting me in trouble, and it’s true that when it comes to change, I do it in my own time. But, if someone else wants me to do it, I feel prepared to make those changes for myself and not anybody else.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Writing has always been therapeutic because I can talk myself through my words, feelings, and emotions.
There’s another way I’ve been able to find myself, and that’s being transparent with my heart and what that means is acknowledging the fact that the reason I am in the headspace that I’m in is that I am a serious fuck up.
It’s taken me a long time to realize that I should’ve cherished everything I had instead of throwing it away like I did not mean anything when it meant the world to me. But, of course, when I would say that it meant the world to me, I had no idea how much it would mean until it was no longer a part of me. I’ve always asked one man to know they had a good when it’s gone, and I think now I understand more.
I am a woman who struggles to admit her wrongs, but it’s better late than never, even though I can’t look back to Right wrongs.
I did do something that I could never come back from.
I shouldn’t be able to come back because I don’t deserve it. When I had it, I had no idea how to cherish it and make it my priority—so living the rest of my life alone but coming to terms with the fact that no one should ever bottle up your feelings It’s something that I took away from that situation.
I am a woman who has to learn that it’s OK to be vulnerable.
As long as you’re weak with the right person, I should never allow my feelings to eat away at me or assume that people will guess how I’m feeling just by looking at me or staring at me; life doesn’t work that way.
If I don’t try to speak up or speak my mind, nothing will get resolved. Something I learned is that I should never ask for something that I was not prepared to deal.
Yes True that people say things out of anger but in the long run, that anger could come back and haunt you for the rest of your life because you know you made a mistake that you can’t fix even though you’re desperate to fix it.
So ask for what you want to leave the things you don’t wish to alone because you might find this of always asking yourself why?
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
God has a plan for everyone who enters the world.
However, I have never been quite sure what his goal has been since I was born.
The only thing I have been sure of is having that gift of sharing my story on my blog and showing the rest of the world that the disabled community has a story to tell, and no one else doesn’t know our stories and struggles better than the ones who live it.
The world wants to believe that we should be put away or don’t want to better for ourselves because we already have so many limitations to who we are. My boundaries have made me strive for the best because the world doesn’t accept me to want the best for myself.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I have no clue why I decided on 11/16/21 to write him a love letter, but I am guessing there is no wrong time to write a letter to someone you saw forever.
Love hurts like hell because you have the strength in oneself to open your heart up and allow that other half in. But, unfortunately, everyone always speaks on the beautiful sides of love when it comes to love, but no one ever speaks on the struggles it is to get to those beautiful sides of love.
Everything that was once ugly can and will become beautiful because as long as we take it upon ourselves, nurture and give it everlasting love. When I think of love, I think of home.
He was able to add things to my life that I did not have until he came long, such as believing in me and pushing me to heights.
Falling in love was crazy because all I ever saw and was him.
Every day we challenge ourselves and the relationship until one day, I took it too far to the point of no return.
No return never meant I deserved it because everything changed in seconds of our lives, and when coming upon change, it should be for positivity, but the difference was far from positive.
It was life-changing in a sense; I was empty, and I hit some crazy bumps on looking for something I already had but had no idea what I had until he was gone. Things never made sense to me after he was because I never wanted to leave. When he left, I took a considerable part of who I was with him.
This letter is on how to destroy someone whose hearts I can’t take back in any way, but if someone could grant me my last wish, I would be so simple that it is a do-over, just that one nightmare.
It’s been 14 to almost 15 years since the last time we were together as a couple, and I am still in love with him. But, I guess the most amazing part is that holding to this love seems to damage people, and it also makes me look like I am strong enough to let of a love that doesn’t want me the same but holding like if I could do better for when I know can.
Even though I can do better, I feel I am better because he could go through all the bullshit with him. I never had to speak because I always knew what I was thinking and feeling just by one look. While I was trying to be the perfect person for him, everything was falling apart around, and I could not stop. I understand if I allowed myself to be loved by just being myself, we would have gone the distance.
If he asked me to be his wife, I would do it again without a second.
I‘m not worthy of him or him loving me, but I secretly pray for him to find someone to see him the way I see him and love him unconditionally because everyone is worthy of knowing that feeling.
I was lucky and blessed to experience our kind of love, the type of that that took me by surprise because we were going to be nothing but friends. Love surprised us and guided us through another pathway that only allowed us to see each other and no one else. The best part about the love we once shared was that I always knew he was my person.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Call me bipolar because my emotions have a way of going up and down, or sometimes I find ways of going back and forth on my feelings like a scared little girl. Yes, I am 40 years, but I have the right to be afraid because I have not had control of my emotions.
UPS AND DOWN
EMOTIONS
BACK FORTH
LOVING HATING
INCOMPLETE
LONELY
IF THINGS MAKE ME BIPOLAR, THEN I HAVE BEEN BIPOLAR ALL MY LIFE, AND I AM GOING TO OWN IT. I HAVE MADE MISTAKES IN LIFE, AND I AM STILL A MAKING PROCESS WHICH I AM STILL GOING TO HAVE SOME BUMPS ON THE ROAD.
So I AM GOING TO EVER BE COOKIE-CUTTER PERFECT. I AM ALSO NOT GOING TO ALLOW ANYONE TO HOLD MY MISTAKES OVER MY HEAD.
I CARRY MY MISTAKES AND THE PAIN OF MY MISTAKES EVERY DAY.
THE ONLY THING I HAVE BEEN CONSTAN ON IS WHEN I CHOOSE TO LOVE, I LOVE HARD, AND I ALWAYS KNEW WHO I HAVE LOVED NO MATTER HOW MUCH TIME HAS GONE BY. EVEN THOUGH WE BOTH LIVE SEPARATE LIVES.
MS. BUTTERFLY GENESIS
No one would ever have to say they deserve better if they understood that beginning better is within themselves.
Saying I deserve better sounds great, but how can we get better when we have no clue what better can be for us.
The searching process of getting better begins with us, but a lot of us believe when we say we want better for ourselves, it means that our better should come from someone because we always rely on someone for everything that has to do with emotions.
Honestly, better does not happen overnight; we have to go through a strict checklist of things that would help us deserve better. Searching for in my 40s has led me to understand that it starts with me and ends with me.
Better I now and forever is being able to live for myself and understand that the world is going to have an opinion on everything the job I have is to live my life.
The other part of me deserving better is being strong enough to be selfish with myself and my time.
Deserving better is understanding that I win every moment I wake up because I have been blessed with another day.
Deserving better is understanding that as long as we don’t give our power away, no one can or should break who we are.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
We love to play the blame a lot of time when we say that people stand in our way to get where we went to be.
It might be true in many cases, but in many more cases, it is just predictive of our failure Before we try to succeed or fail.
By using the word, the can’t way before saying I can to my future.
When we use the word, we can open our worlds to endless possibilities of the things that, in many ways, people see as impossible, but we see as possible because we are using the word we can instead of can’t.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
I should not be just an option.
I should be that first choice.
I should be your first thought in the morning.
I should add to your last thought of the day.
I should see the reason why you decide to smile when you do smile.
I should be the reason why you feel complete as a person.
I should be the reason you understand the true meaning of love.
I should be for you all the things I should be for myself before I ask you to be any of those things for me.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
It’s true what people say, everything in life happens for a reason & we must hit rock bottom before we can realize our value as a person.
I had to hit rock bottom to realize that I need to stop using my relationship with men to define my life.
Don’t get me wrong, all my relationships have been meaningful in my life, but they shouldn’t have become my whole life.
There is more to me than my failed marriage that everyone keeps throwing at me.
I am someone who fights every day of my life to live a healthy life, just like everyone else around me. Yes, I have done things that I am not proud of, but I am still trying to keep going like nothing is wrong.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis🇩🇴
I don’t want to look back because that might be blurring my future.
I don’t want to look back because I leave the door to relive something ugly that never builds me up but was strong enough to break me down.
Looking back has left me questioning if I can see a future with my future person when I am busy holding on to a past that doesn’t want me.
I have always heard that if people can glaze at their history once in a blue, I would never appreciate the person who was supposed to be my future, but it can’t be because I’m stuck in my past.
How can I not be expected to look back when everything I choose to put myself through has made me the woman I am today, someone reliable, and won’t settle for anything less than what she deserves?
Holding on to my past has left a crazy taste in my future even worse; it has left my lot second-guessing myself if I could have been that person.
Honest to god, I believe that I could have been that person if I could have been truthful with myself and my future. But, instead, I struggle with accuracy and letting go because letting go no return is the biggest struggle because I have to deal with things that I have never wanted to deal with.
If I could be myself with my future, I could have had that unconditional love that everyone dreams of.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I wear many hats.
I wear the hat of being a daughter.
I wear the hat of being a sister.
I wear the hat of being a granddaughter.
I also wear the of being an auntie.
All the different hats have meant the world to me because I have learned so much about myself & the type of person I’m.
I am not disabled; I can do things differently.
I am also a dreamer.
I am a believer.
I am optimistic.
I have been a best friend.
I’ve been a girlfriend.
I have been a fiancé.
I’ve been a wife.
I’ve been a lover.
I’ve been a mistress.
I’ve also been an ex-wife.
No matter what label anyone in the world wants to see me under, I’ve always held my head up high because I have become a healthy person with each label I have come upon, and I have learned that I need to be so gullible.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I want to be a better version of myself for myself and no one else.
I can become a better version of myself when I accept who I am and what I am despite what people think of me or feel about me.
My past is just that, my history. So I refuse to live there, and I refuse society to put me there again because people can’t let go of who I was or what I was.
I needed to create a pass to look towards my future, and my future is whatever I want it to be, not what anybody else sees it to be all wanted to be for me.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I choose myself.
If I don’t have the strength to choose myself, how else can I expect anyone to choose me?
Choosing me means putting all my needs and wants.
Choosing myself worse is knowing and understanding that nobody else’s opinion about me matters.
Choosing myself is understanding the power of my strength and knowing that people’s words should roll off my back.
Choosing Myself is the best gift to me over the thing and everyone else.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Broken
Damaged
I am left questioning my purpose or why I decided to share my thoughts with the world.
I feel like I should be embarrassed about sharing my life and other Intimate things with the world.
Honestly, I’m not because I’m no different from someone writing; all tell books about themselves.
I love sharing myself openly, and I hope that someone can relate to me on some level.
Whenever I find myself with the need to put my feelings on paper, it is therapy, and there’s nothing wrong with the treatment; therapy is like a reflection to teachers on what they need to change or what they need to improve on to be a better person.
Writing has helped me be listened to even if people find themselves laughing at my emotions at the end of things.
I have to do with that whatever I have to do so my emotions don’t eat away at me, and the most important thing that I have to hold on to is people’s opinions aren’t going to define what I’m or what I might never be.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
ANYTIME PEOPLE TALK ABOUT HAVING A NORMAL LIFE, I QUESTION MYSELF ON WHAT DOES HAVING A NORMAL LIFE MEANS.
DOES IT MEAN I HAVE TO BE ABLE TO BODY for MY LIFE TO BE CONSIDERED NORMAL.
JUST BECAUSE I’M NOT ABLE BODY DOES MEAN I DON’T HAVE A NORMAL LIFE BECAUSE I HAVE A DISABILITY?
MY DISABILITY IS SOMETHING I WAS BORN IT HAS NEVER DEFINE HOW I SHOULD LIVE MY LIFE. So, YES, ITS TRUE I LIVE MY LIFE WITH LIMITATIONS AND BECAUSE OF THOSE LIMITATIONS I MAY HAVE TO FIND DIFFERENT WAYS OF DOING THINGS THAT OTHER PEOPLE Don’t STRUGGLE to DO.
I HAVE A NORMAL LIFE:
I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO GET AN EDUCATION.
I HAVE BEEN LEARNING TO LOVE, AND I WANT TO BELIEVE THAT I HAVE TAUGHT HOW TO LOVE.
I WORK VERY HARD AS A BLOGGER.
I’m a SEXUAL PERSON.
I’m SOMEONE’S DAUGHTER.
I’m SOMEONE’S SISTER
I’m SOMEONE GRANDDAUGHTER
I CAN EVEN SAY I WAS SOMEONE WIFE
If everything I list above makes my life routine, then I guess I have an everyday life. Ordinary life is living life to the fullest and being fearless. However, my disability is not a stop sign.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Whenever I see my wheelchair, I see an accessory that I’m an honor to show off.
From this day forward, wheelchair users stop staring because it will not change what it is, or someone staring will not allow me to walk.
A wheelchair user should not give us an excuse not to live life. So many people already count us out as far as being a part of the human race.
We are brilliant.
We love doing the impossible.
We refuse to complain about minor things.
Wheelchair users continuously have to fight to belong to a place where they are not wanted.
Especially in the workplace, because what anyone can do is look at the chair.
If people could only realize that our limitation doesn’t hold us back from working, what holds us back is people not giving us opportunities to prove our ability beyond our physical limits.
Most of us do not mind collecting a month-to-month check because more comfortable being in the outside world is receiving a lot of no. A month to month, no one can survive. Having a job is a real accomplishment because it allows us to feel valuable and open doors for others, just like ourselves.
We can also birth to our children and love them more than someone with two good legs despite our limitations.
Love has no limitations, so no one else has the right to places limitations.
I’m a woman first, and my chair is not going to be a stop sign.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Victim, I am not.
Yes, I have a disability, but I am not my disability.
If I get scared unexceptionable, I will jump out of my chair if I am not strapped down to my seat.
It might be funny to others, but it’s not funny to me because it’s a constant reminder of the things I don’t control when it comes to my own body.
The word victim is for people who refuse to fight back, and anytime I am blessed by God to open up my eyes, that’s a fight in itself.
I know I am far from being a victim of any kind.
When I was able to take my first breath to live, I am proud that I am fighting, not a victim.
See me or someone like me sees strength, determination, and willingness to be proud of being.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Cerebral palsy is not something I could never be embarrassed by; cerebral palsy is something that I have lived with since birth.
I want to believe that the main reason I’m so raw with my words is that my disability has taught me that I must be a stronger fighter.
When I decided to put myself out there as a writer, I also decided no pictures of who I am would take over my blog.
I believe the natural way anyone should get to know who I am is through the words that I can put on paper because anytime I find myself using paper & pen is simply because the emotions are real as hell.
Yes, I am a firm believer in people’s ability to know a lot by looking at someone.
I don’t want anyone reading this thinking I am just full of myself when I say that I already know what most people think of me and that I am beautifully sexy, and most importantly, I am such a BITCH.
Those are some things I can say about myself without posting another pretty picture of who I am on my blog.
I know there is so much to me than just a pretty face.
These are powerful words.
Messages
Relationships
Heartbreak
Divorce
Future
JUST ME.
I just gave you’ll more than what a candid picture could ever say.
Don’t worry about what I look like or assume that I refuse to show who I am on my blog because I am embarrassed about what has made me such a fighter in life. Which has cerebral palsy?
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
My physical disability is not something I’m trying to hide.
My physical disability is not something I’m trying to hide or would hide if I could.
There are times I question why I was born with such a disability, but I believe that I was born the way I was because God knew I would be a handful any other way, don’t get me wrong; I’m still a handful sitting down.
My disability, in a lot of ways, has been a blessing from God because it has taught me not to take the little things that I can’t do for myself for granted.
I have motivated myself to prove that despite my disability, I can be out in the real world, making a name for myself.
Yes, there will always be people who will discriminate against people with disabilities because they believe we shouldn’t even exist globally, but the fact that we do and we’re here to stay.
We want the same opportunities as everyone else, and we’re willing to work that much harder to make sure that we get the same opportunities as everyone else.
I don’t want things handed to me just because I’m disabled; I want to work for everything that I have and everything I want to accomplish in my life.
But for me to achieve those things that I want in my life, I have to make sure the people see me and don’t see my chair.
My chair is a part of me, but it doesn’t make me who I am or the things I want to accomplish in my life.
I am a person first with goals and dreams that will succeed beyond my disability.
No one ever has to agree on how I feel, but the way I feel is like I am just a painting on the wall that people have no other choice but to pass by on occasions when they need to go in a particular direction.
I am a painting that no one bothers to move or dust off to ensure that I continue to shine through.
I believe artwork in galleries gets more acknowledgment than I do.
I’m supposed to be a part of something. But, unfortunately, I’m not even close to feeling a part of anything or anyone.
No matter what to feel a part of something or someone has never worked.
I don’t know if it’s because I have not put my best foot forward to make things work or people see me as I see myself, and that is a straight Burden.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Open heart.
Open wounds need to be closed, but no idea how to approach them.
There’s not a Band-Aid big enough to cover up all the scars she has carried for so many years in so many different stages of my life.
It’s effortless for her to tell herself to get rid of her scars and start fresh, but then the question of how she gets rid of her fault and what’s going to be left when She no longer has these scars to hide behind.
She’s going to be a roar, and those feelings that she was able to hide with a scar, she is no longer going to be able to do that. So to grow and find peace with all her wounds and mistakes, she has to let them go and make one for all the new things coming into her life.
Things have gotten so far to come back.
I wish I could share my feelings with the world to understand better what I’m doing wrong.
How in the right state of mind can I ever stop putting my heart on paper when I know the form is the only thing that allows me to be me without judgment or resentment for what I speak.
I enjoy fighting because that’s the only thing they give me a piece of mine, somewhere I can remove everything that I hold in.
After all, no one Is listening, but this piece of paper is in front of me.
When I put tons of writing, I never think of fame or fortune; I can write.
I’ve always written because I’ve ever had something to say in the best way to express myself in actual words that I can put on paper.
When I begin writing, I just did it. People just came naturally to me, and I couldn’t see myself doing anything else but that writing.
Now that I’m older, I was hoping that my hand could help someone else and show them that just because I have a disability Does not mean I don’t have issues like everyone else. I have good relationships, bad relationships, and obstacles that most people don’t have to overcome.
Having a public play form to share some of my stories with people; would give people a better understanding that someone like me is just like them.
I don’t have many obstacles to overcome the many others don’t have to think twice about it because it becomes easy for them, and before plant planning to go anywhere, I have to plan to make sure that everything I need is going to be in place for when I need it.
A romantic relationship with someone has its ups and downs, just like any other person who is not physically challenged like me. One of the biggest questions I have to ask myself when I find myself in a relationship is this person here for me, or is it just a curiosity thing For that person. The question I have for myself does this person see me before you saw the chair.
I have to concern myself with this person here for me, or just out of pity Something many people don’t have to think about it. But, still, I didn’t because I have a disability that built up all these questions for everyone who comes into my life, and I plan to share my experience.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Trigger words for me are:
You are starting to feel heavy.
You are fat.
You need to talk to someone who can help you.
These are all the things that put me in a lousy headspace because it’s a constant reminder of how little I can do for myself, and no matter how much control I would love to have over my body, I am demanding because of this damn disability.
I’ve always struggled with control because I’ve always wanted control over myself, but I don’t have control over many things that I have to do with me because of my circumstances.
So the only thing I have control over was the food that I put in my mouth and food I’ve never had; another will never have a good relationship.
Food and I have a tolerating relationship because I need food to survive, and I struggle to enjoy food because food makes me feel ugly and unwanted?
Food also leaves the door open for people to make comments that get to me like I’m fat, I’m chubby.
It isn’t easy to move me from place to place food is always a nightmare come true that I wish I can wake up from, but I’m not able to do that because food is not my body’s best friend.
Food is like a battlefield feel field with enemy lines trying against me and not for me, and I have no clue how to fight those enemy lines between me and food.
I don’t want anyone reading this to think or feel that I don’t love myself just the way I am because I do.
I have an internal struggle with myself: I don’t have control over everything in my everyday life. For example, I always felt like I handled food until I was spinning out of control, and I had no idea how to get back to a positive road.
I have found a way to get back onto the positive road, but I’m not going to lie; the internal struggle is 100% real and unbelievable sometimes. I know for me, I can’t allow anyone to get into my head for me to be able to beat my internal struggles.
God, please wrap your arms around her and let her know that she’s not alone.
God, I’m asking you from the bottom of my heart, please shield her from her gloomy thoughts. Prove to her that you’re listening to her even when she’s crying.
Of course, the more time she loses faith in herself, she’s going to lose faith in you. But, still, you are the only one that can show her that losing faith in you is the worst thing anyone can do because you always put us on this earth with a purpose even though we may never know what the goal is but there’s a purpose to why everyone is here or the people we end up.
She believes that you have placed her on this earth to suffer nothing more, nothing less, but I know differently, and I also know she has to hit rock bottom and stop questioning your actions so she can get what she deserves better yet what she needs and not what she wants.
God doesn’t leave her, so she doesn’t let herself go in your name. I pray, amen.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
Some people choose to run from their scars.
I refuse to run from anything that shows that I made through a battlefield of things.
My scars are a reflection of things that have made me a healthy human being.
Being ashamed of these scars is like I’m ashamed of myself.
I refuse to be ashamed of myself because these scars have taught me to be fearless of anything thrown into me.
My scars are my batches of honor.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
The pink ribbon is a representation of the battle. That many women face today doesn’t matter the age, race, or where we come from, it’s just something that happens.
Sometimes we don’t even have time to wonder why it happens.
We know it’s a part of our bodies, and we must fight it with all we have, including the mental strength it takes to battle breast cancer.
Pink ribbon 🎀 means
Strength
Powerful
Life
Living
Faith
A woman’s breast doesn’t make her a woman. Instead, it’s the strength that she carries within herself to fight to live.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
He was the one person that gave her world because that’s what she meant to him.
So he poured everything he had and even the things he did not have to give her.
She soaked as much as she could because she had no idea how long it could have lasted.
That’s why people should not go into situations with any expectations because the led-down is a lot more challenging to deal with.
The biggest challenge for her is understanding that the main reason her expectations never came true for her was that she destroyed them before those dreams became a reality. Expectations are enormously led downs; that’s why people should live the moments and don’t worry about tomorrow.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
Addiction
darkness
loneliness
withdrawn from the world.
When things fall apart, so do you.
Trying to speak, but no one is listening.
Ashamed.
I was embarrassed because everyone’s moving, and I’m standing still, just watching and wishing it was me.
Men have been programmed not to show emotions because showing emotion is a sign of weakness.
Men are supposed to be strong and protectors.
We as women also have to remember men have a fragile ego, and we have to let them know it’s OK to break down when they need to; they don’t have to be superheroes all the time.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis🇩🇴
BEING HUMAN DOES NOT MEAN WE SHOULD ALL LOOK ALIKE.
BEING HUMAN DOESN’T MEAN; WE SHOULD NOT ALL BE THE SAME COLOR.
BEING HUMAN DOES NOT MEAN WE SHOULD SPEAK THE SAME LANGUAGE.
BEING HUMAN DOES NOT MEAN WE SHOULD HAVE THE SAME BELIEF SYSTEM AS THE REST OF THE WORLD.
I AM ME, BUT NO ONE CAN SEE ME BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE BUSY POINT OUT MY INDIFFERENCES.
MY INDIFFERENCES ARE:
I USE MY WHEELCHAIR AS MY LEGS.
I AM IN PAIN 90% PERCENT OF MY LIFE.
MY VOICE SOUNDS LIKE A CHILD, BUT I AM A 36-YEAR-OLD PERSON.
I CAN’T SHOWER OR DRESS MYSELF.
PEOPLE SHOULD NOT BULLY OTHERS INDIFFERENCE BUT USE OTHERS INDIFFERENCES FOR STRENGTH.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis🇩🇴
I’m alone in more than one.
I’m alone in the sense that I feel crazy trapped in my feels.
Anytime I open up my mouth, it turns into a battlefield of everything that comes out of my mouth.
I’m alone even though I come from a large and what is supposed to be a caring family.
I feel the only time they care is when they want to point out my mistakes or stick their nose where it doesn’t belong, making me feel incapable of thinking for myself.
I’m alone because no one has bothered to know me with all my flaws and still find it within themselves to say I love you. I understand for anyone to know I have to be transparent with me, but at this point, I’m like, for what, it’s a little too late. There was this one person I thought I could trust because the conversations were so easy flowing that I became so blinded with trust. But, once again, I was proving I can’t and shouldn’t trust even my damn shadow.
I’m alone, and sometimes I wish I was not because the bag of loneliness gets too heavy for me to carry.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
It’s natural to break someone’s heart.
The challenging part of dealing with someone who has been torn apart is knowing that you were The Who broke it.
I’m left wondering how I can make him whole again when I’m still struggling with putting myself back together because if he wants to take any responsibility for anything, I’m broken too.
I broke us by not being able to be transparent with him.
Being transparent means being vulnerable, and I hate being seen as a weak person; I have always been the one to protect my heart from any harm because no one knows better what my heart needs but for me.
I know honesty is the main focus of any relationship. I have always felt the absolute need for anyone to know about our past. My past defined if we would be in a relationship.
I don’t believe it would have, but I will never know because I could not and did not want to be that open book he wanted me to be.
I wanted to focus on the now and not the past.
I lied because I felt the need to protect myself.
By lying, I broke him, and I broke whatever future we could have.
I hope that he can be whole again with this time apart because no one deserves to be broke but love.
I finally did to myself; my life has ended; I’ve overdosed. No, not on coke, crack, or even ecstasy. I overdosed on love, or at least what I thought was love, but it was nothing more than a desire or feeling. The feeling of being in love, and the desire to be loved, that’s what killed me!
I overdosed, thinking I had enough self-control to realize when I had enough of this lousy drug that had me under its control.
But then, I did not care how bad things got; I just wanted enough so that I wouldn’t feel empty inside.
After the high was out of my system, I felt more alone than when I started, and even then, I still did not feel strong enough to get up and kick the habit; instead of love ruined my life, and I overdosed.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
I don’t mind when people find themselves talking about me and the kind of person I am because people don’t mind wasting their time on little me, and my fanatic passed.
I guess the real-time I must worry about it is when people stop talking about me because it means I no longer matter if people choose to put my dirty laundry out.
I might as well come clean about things my way.
Also, not allowing my pride not to ask for help when needed. Marriage is no regret, but I was in love with the idea of love when it came to him.
He was tough love.
That open ear.
That voice of reason.
My safety blanket when the world was beating me up.
He was my laughter.
He was my all-nightwalker, anything from our worldview to teach me how to love myself before loving anyone else.
Most importantly, he was able to save me from me.
I fell in love with my best friend because he never gave me the chance to pretend to be someone else,
He got me.
I know it’s hard to believe that I can be friends with someone of the opposite sex for many of my haters. But, I don’t have to sell my soul to the devil or spared my legs open like most haters.
7 PM in my bed watching a movie million and one thought running through my head.
I can’t make sense of one single thought that is running through my head.
Today marks a historical moment in my life, and that was the day my unwanted divorce was finalized because one night, I decided to explore like a Volcano.
Finalizing things between the two of us never made the pain any easier for him and me, but it did help me realize that one night my life could change in a heartbeat without anyone excepting how much or little.
Finalizing things made me not ready to deal with so much more natural stuff.
The only thing I can take away from finalizing the day was that I’m stronger than I ever gave myself credit.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Anytime things get tough, she finds herself contemplating when things were pretty not smooth but smooth enough to make her feel like she was at home.
She finally was able to say something that she hasn’t been able to communicate in years, and that was the fact that she never knew true happiness until things Disappeared, and she’s never been the same since.
She wants to be that girl that loved it loved harder than anything else that she ever did in her life.
She contributes to where she’s at today, and she acknowledges it. Still, it’s not enough to Acknowledge her wrongdoings when the other damage part can’t see I can’t recognize that she is taking full responsibility for contributing to her not feeling like herself or feeling safe.
She wants to go home, but she knows she doesn’t deserve to go home because once there’s a crack in the foundation of what you try to build, there’s no rebuilding; this is moving forward.
No one should want to rebuild on a broken foundation; everything built on should be brand new, so we know and understand that everything we are about to put on this foundation can over stand all the weight we are trying to place on this new foundation.
Home is safe.
Home is laughter.
Home is Love.
Home isn’t about being judged.
Home should have been wherever he was because he held her heart.
Home takes time to build it doesn’t happen overnight home takes time to make it doesn’t happen overnight, so be patient and work your most complex, so neither one misses out on something significant like a beautiful home within each other. So be patient and work your hardest so neither one misses out on something meaningful like a beautiful home within each other.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
She falls in love with her best friend.
Friendship without expecting anything in return made that much easier for them to fall in love.
Falling in love with him came to nature, and later on, that friendship foundation was the one thing that helped her discover if it is love or was it just a friendship that she was lusting over and nothing more.
Late-night conversations.
I was laughing for no reason.
Knowing who she was without trying to find out what she held between her legs was the most powerful statement of their friendship could ever stand.
Being vulnerable and not being judged spoke volumes of the type of person he was. He gave her strength when she didn’t have any.
He gave her his arms so she could feel safe in them, and those arms never hurt her, and most importantly, those arms were there to protect her.
We will fight until the sun came up, but we would never go to bed without saying I love you, and crazy enough, he knew she loved him before she dared to tell him.
The best part of having him as her best friend was she never needed to pretend with him because he knew her and knew what she needed and what she needed was not anything store-bought but just someone who is always going to keep a smile on the face and accept me as me.
Her best friend constantly challenged her but never made her feel like the crap on the bottom of the shoe he taught her instead of talking down to her, and he also gave me strength when she was weak.
He made her better when she couldn’t make herself better; he taught her that we would be good as long as they were right.
Loving her best friend was not easy, but it was worth the fight because we wanted to win and never lose; what brought us together one day was our friendship.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
It hurts to be the bigger person, but it needs to be done, especially if I want his friendship.
Friendship is better than not having anything at all.
Being just friends is a new role for everyone in this Playing field, but I know we can make it happen if we both want it.
As a couple, we tried to make things work, but it just didn’t happen, so now we are in two different places in our lives. We know, The next best thing is to be each other’s cheerleaders and watch each other succeed career-wise and in the love department because everyone deserves it.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Close the door before allowing another door to open.
Closing the door on something like your past makes sure that the person closing that door is ready for something new.
If not, we can find ourselves with a messy front door, asking ourselves if everything we are doing is for the right reasons.
We should only open another door when we have worked on ourselves well enough to know that we are not trying to open the door for anyone to make us whole to have someone add something to our lives that we have never had in another relationship.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis🇩🇴
I’m not smart enough for you.
I’m not beautiful enough for you.
I’m not even sexy enough for you.
I’m not enough woman for you.
She feels broken anytime she hears those words coming out of the person’s mouth supposed to love her the most.
Those who love us the most end up hurting our souls the most.
With every nasty word that comes towards her, she begins to believe in those words and begins questioning herself.
She will take her power back to her spirit and soul by turning all those negatives into positives.
I‘m smart.
I’m beautiful.
I’m strong.
I’m sexy.
I’m woman enough for myself.
She does not receive confirmation from anyone who feels good about themselves when making others feel bad about themselves.
She stands strong alone than with someone who won’t see her.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Saying that she doesn’t care about me would be very unfair because I have seen with my own eyes what she has given up for me.
I have to be honest with myself and her. She has made me feel like I can’t get anything done for myself if she is not by my side.
That’s far from the truth because I believe in myself like I would love for her to believe in me.
For once, I don’t want her to see my chair or my physical limitations; I need her to see me as a person first.
As a person, I know right from wrong, and I also know that life is not easy for anyone to live, but it’s extra challenging because of my disability.
I understand that I am not considered typical for many people out in the real world. & I shouldn’t want my independence from my family, but I guess what I have struggled with most in life is not being seen or heard by the person who has had the strength to bring me into this crazy world.
I have always accepted the unexpected from strangers, but my mom is strict because I have seen her push my other siblings to want a better life.
As much as my disability plays such a big part in my day-to-day life, I would one day look behind me & see her push me to succeed in my own life & become that independent woman striving to be.
My limitations need to stop being seen as a life sentence and my motivation to show myself that anything is possible as long as I believe in who I am.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
I know his name.
I saw his face whenever he was home.
There were a few times where I
would have some insurrection with him.
Even with minor Insurrection between us, I still find myself with daddy issues.
I have a daddy to say I have a daddy.
I never got to know a daddy because it felt like he was not around even when he was around.
A Daddy that never got the chance to know who I was as his baby girl & now the adult woman who stands before him.
She is no longer looking for her daddy because she would be looking for something she has never had.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
When women decided to become mothers, it was an honor that god blessed.
Being a mother is a gift that should not be taken for granted, even though many of us take it for granted because we don’t always do the best for everything for that tiny human that has grown inside us for nine months.
It takes more than someone calling us mommy for us to be acknowledged as mothers.
A mother is supposed to be a nature.
A mother is supposed to be a teacher.
Most importantly, the mothers are supposed to be protectors.
Unfortunately, some women choose to be women first over being mothers to their children.
His body was violated by someone that was supposed to handle his daily care, and she was just busy being a woman to notice that there was something wrong with her son.
How could anyone be so dam busy for someone who lived inside them without a care in the world? A mother’s job is to protect, and she failed him as his protector.
MY PERSONAL OPINION IS ONCE WE BECOME MOTHERS BEING A WOMAN SECOND TO HER FIRST JOB.
NO MATTER HOW SORRY SHE MIGHT BE, HE WILL NEVER GET HIS INNOCENCE BACK.
IF YOU RATHER BE A WOMAN FIRST THEN, YOU SHOULD HAVE MADE A BETTER DECISION FOR YOURSELF AND THAT OTHER LIFE.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
I want to raise a daughter to believe in herself.
I want to raise a daughter to know she can be whatever she wants to be as long as she puts her mind to it.
I want to raise a daughter to understand that being a female is incredible.
I want to raise a strong daughter.
I want to raise a daughter who understands that her self-worth doesn’t mean laying on her back.
I want to raise a daughter to know that her body is a temple, and not everyone deserves it.
I want to raise a daughter who knows that she does not need a man to define her.
I want to raise a daughter who knows how she is powerful because she is a woman.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
It’s crazy; it doesn’t matter how old I get or how much time passes; her words always seem to affect me in the worst way possible.
I had a bizarre awakening moment today. That moment was that no matter how much time goes by, I’m always going to be the target that she shoots that I don’t know or understand the purpose of her shooting at me, but the fact that she able to do it and it still affects me it drives me crazy.
The second moment of clarity that I had today was that you should never tell your child specific things, no matter how old your child gets. No matter how upset you might be or the pain your body might be going through.
As a child and now as an adult, it’s tough for me to believe those words that flow out of her Mouth.
When she gets every chance, she must remind me that her body is breaking down because of all the things she had to do to take care of me as far as lifting, bringing up, and down four flights of stairs so I may go to school every day.
Many people reading this piece might not believe that I am grateful for a superwoman. I know how lucky I am that she chose to have me, but I can’t help and question how doesn’t she ever want me to feel like a burden When the words that come out of her Mouth make me feel more than just a commitment to her and everyone else around me?
There are certain things that, as a mom, I could never tell my child, like my body is the way it is because I gave my very best to you, and now I can’t function well enough to do my everyday task. I’ve been in many pieces before. I never chose to be here; that was A conscious decision that she took upon herself; if it were up to me, I probably would’ve decided not to help me, but she did, so why should I be blamed for something that I have no control over and she knows this.
I have never felt like a blessing but a burden To her.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
I am not a parent, but I am struggling to let go because I am the baby of my family, and most importantly, I have nothing but limitations that my disability places on my everyday life.
I understand that it is difficult for a parent to see their children leave the nest for a parent, but it’s part of growing up and becoming responsible adults in the world.
I believe that it is extra challenging for my mother to think that I would want to leave her because she has poured her heart and soul into me. After all, she knew that I did not have a fighting chance to live the life I have today without her.
I know that she believes that I don’t understand everything she has given up to raise me, and I know more than she thinks.
I understand that she has given up her own life so I could always be cared for like only a mother knows to care for their child but watching for me the way she has cared for me throughout my life has left me feeling smothered and wanting my wings so I may fly on my own.
Being my mom is a 24 hour day job, with no vacation time and no one else to give you a break if you need it. So I don’t make her job any more manageable. After all, I am willing to tell her off in a minute because no one else would understand my frustration when it comes to not caring for myself the way I would like.
I know that she gave me life, and she deserves all the respect in the world because I only have one mother, and she has given me all of her without a second thought of what that would mean for her life.
One of the things I am struggling with right now is her not understanding why I would like to be on my own or feeling ungrateful for everything she has given up.
I want to be on my own, I believe my disability should not stop me from deserving of my own life, and this is the only way I will find out what I was made up as a disabled person.
After 32 years of caring for me, she gets her life back, and she is free to do things that she has wanted to do but, because of me, she has turned away from those things.
I want her to live for herself and realize that she has been my biggest and best blessing in life, no matter where I might end up.
Ms.Butterfly Genesis
Anytime I have time to look back on things that happen in my life, I feel like I did not get the chance to enjoy what I had because all I was doing was flying by, so there was no real-time see.
Flying by is another way I deal with my feelings and thoughts simply because I pass right through my emotions and dreams because right at that moment, it feels right, but then again, I am left feeling alone and feeling empty.
Flying by always seems more straightforward than sticking around and dealing with the bullshit that surrounds my life right now. Taking a stand for my life and things suitable for me.
One of the things I am best known for is flying by and not being strong enough to stay and face the ugly side of me because I am a lot happier, just flying by as everyone has done in my life.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis🇩🇴
I am running one of the craziest races against myself because I want to know how far I can go before my body says no more.
I want to push myself on and beyond, but sometimes it seems impossible because time seems always to be running out, and I am left feeling like I could have done more if I had more time in the day to do things that I am passionate about.
I am racing against myself, hoping I could beat myself one day instead of having a time telling me when it is over.
Time always has been in charge of my daily life, and I feel like now I want and must be in order with my life. Honestly, I want to run my kind of race without having time to tell me what will happen next in my lap of life.
I feel like running my kind of race will allow me to explore myself better, and there is no clock telling me when I should stop or keep going because I am in charge of myself.
No one else is calling that shoots but me.
I am in the power of myself anytime I run my race only because I am running my own life, not thinking about what others might be saying of me just because I don’t want to run their race, but I want to run my own.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Judge me when you have become a god.
Judge me when you have walked a mile in my shoes.
Judge me when you have facts, not on things you have made up in the head.
I might not be your flavor, but I have been that flavor that many have enjoyed in their lifetime. I might look impossible to you, but that’s because you don’t have the brainpower to figure out how many other ways you could have pleased me; I guess the dick brain is a lot more powerful than the mind that you were supposed to be born.
People should not hate the body that they have blessed. If anyone wants to hate me, hate that I don’t throw my body on anyone. I respect myself enough to know if anyone wants to see my pussy; it needs to be earned, not just given because you throw attention around.
Attention doesn’t using the phrase I love you, for anyone to unwrap my gift. Attention means feeding my mind, soul, and then my body. Be mad at yourself for not having or wanting the capability to get to know you as a person.
Judge me on the fact that I’m not comfortable.
Judge me that I don’t fall for everything because that means I could fall anything.
Judge me that I don’t have to settle for people who see me as an object but as a person.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Disabled people are human beings & as human beings, we have earned the same or little more rights than people on two good legs.
So how come the majority of the homeless people on the streets are disabled?
I believe it’s because no matter how much time passes, people will never give us the spot we deserve in society, and we are too scared to come together and fight for the things we deserve.
The fear of never being heard stops us from moving forward as a disabled community.
So I understand that we delay our progress with such fearful hearts, and we should not complain about things we can’t get, like a shelter, if we don’t speak up for ourselves.
On the other hand, we have some disabled people who speak up for their rights, and we still find ourselves being under-minded because of our disabilities.
I’m disabled
My disability is cerebral palsy.
My disability isn’t a disease anyone can catch by saying hello or hugging someone.
My cerebral palsy happened during childbirth; my brother and I lost oxygen to some parts of our brain, which is one of the reasons he and I use wheelchairs to get around.
My wheelchair extends my body and everyday activities, but it doesn’t define who I am.
As a person, I can think and speak for myself. However, if people stop fearing the unknown about the disabled community, most of us can work together to be seen and heard by others.
I’m disabled, and I’m here to stay.
Ms. Butterfly🇩🇴
I’m living on a system that is failing me every single day that goes by.
By telling me that as much as I am fighting for my independence, I will never have it because all I am to this system is money in someone’s pockets.
The system is clueless on what it takes to be me.
Every day brings a lot of planning; it will never be me jumping out of bed getting my day started without syncing my schedule with someone else to ensure that everything I have planned is okay and will get done.
My caregivers become everything my body can’t become for me.
So I don’t particularly appreciate when the system tells these women what they can and cannot do for me because if I solely depend on myself, I would not need the services for my everyday living.
I don’t think anyone has the right to tell someone who requires home care what exactly they need unless they live their everyday life.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
How does she stop being a burden to others? I don’t want to be a burden, and I don’t even want to feel like a burden, but I do. I’m not sure if people understand how much I hate depending on others for every little thing that I desire to do independently.
I’ve always seen my disability as a fantastic thing because it has made me strong in many ways; in other ways, it makes me hate it because I know I can’t, and I won’t ever be able to take care of myself 100%. Still, it’s made me strong because it made me more determined to prove that anything and everything is possible no matter how we come into this world.
The back-and-forth about me not being a good advocate for myself is genuinely I wouldn’t say I like because I speak up for myself. Is it my fault that no one is listening?
It’s easy for people to say you need to learn how to advocate for yourself. Those people are telling me I should become a better advocate for myself. But, unfortunately, I Will never genuinely understand my struggle or understand how to prove that I need certain things to live.
For 39 years and 365 days a year, I always depend on someone for everyday tasks or just a simple shower. Whatever it is, I am dependent on someone, not myself. It’s difficult for me to comprehend that I still can’t go to the bathroom independently. What I found more challenging to understand is that despite my limitation of overcoming a lot of bullshit, whether people want to believe me or not, I fight for the things I believe in myself. I can honestly say but I hate the prison that I live in, which is my body. I hate knowing and understanding, but as long as I have air in my lungs, I will have to rely on someone for my regular care that privacy that I’m so desperate to find. I will never have because I need someone with me at all times. I’m not writing this so people can feel sorry for me.
I’m writing this because I need people to know that despite my disability, I am a person who goes through ups and downs, which have bad days and good days. Still, make it through those days because I know there is something worth fighting for at the end of the day, and that’s me, but if anyone feels like I’m not fighting enough for myself, then fuck you. I’m doing the best I can with what I know and how I know speak for myself.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
To understand how someone lives, you have to live in their shoes before passing judgment on their lives.
Everyone thinks that I don’t worry about everything because I have around-the-clock care. After all, it is taken care of.
That is far from the truth.
One of my biggest worries is when my aide doesn’t come to work because the whole day is incomplete. After all, I struggle to find a way to manage my day without proper help.
Yes, I live at home with my mom, but she is a woman up in age, and she can’t do the things that she once was able to do for me.
Don’t get me wrong; she’s still my superwomen in many ways because she is still holding me down as a mother should, and there’s nothing better than knowing a mom is holding things down, and she is going to be there for her child no matter what.
My care requires a lot more than her body and age can handle, such as:
getting out of bed.
I am getting lifted into my chair.
I am getting into the shower and getting washed up.
Then getting into my adult pull-ups because my mom is no longer able to lift me onto the toilet, so I have to use adult pull-ups when my aides go home.
If I don’t go out, I get placed in pajamas all day long because it makes no sense to wear clothes at home.
I get up to brush my teeth as well as my hair.
Then I go back into bed to get into my back brace, which I’ve been in most of the day until my aids get ready to go home.
I’m not a breakfast person, but there are times that I need help with feeding. My aides help me with that as well.
That’s why I struggle with people who take their life for granted and what they can do for themselves or are not motivated to do things for themselves because the things I just listed that I get to help me I wish I could do on my own.
Don’t get me wrong; I’ve been blessed to have the same person for the last 28 to 29 years of my life, so she knows me better than anybody else, and she loves me like if I was her child, but there’s not one day that I don’t wish I could do those things on my own, but that was in the card I was dealt.
Despite all my limitations, I’ve been able to live a whole life but with many adjustments just because of my burden. Only the Strong can survive, and I’m a survivor despite my limitation; my name will be out there as a writer And anything else I want to do with my life.
My life is only difficult when I choose to make it difficult for myself, but in all reality, my life is just like everyone else’s life. I live it very differently from everyone else.
Ms.Butterfly Genesis🇩🇴
I saw what I wanted to see.
I felt things that I never thought I could feel again.
The best feeling I have been able to feel in a long time is that school girl crush.
I could smile without someone making me feel like I should not be.
Texting for hours gave me a reason never to go to sleep because the moment I allowed my eyes to close, I would miss something that could be important.
Worked days seem longer than ever.
I could not wait to see messages that would bring butterflies to my stomach.
Even with all the beautiful things that he has to make me feel incredible unique unforgettable came a lot of resentment and many unsolved problems that always have a way of sneaking in but never sneaking back out.
I guess it’s true what people say you fight the most with the people you love, but then again, you have to know within yourself when it’s time to say goodbye to the one love you could never see yourself without me just because we are afraid to see love turn into hate.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I want to love.
I want to make sure that you will be there to catch me if I fall in love.
When we take the chance to fall in love, there’s no guarantee that there will be someone there to catch you when you fall, but when you have suffered so many heartbreaks, People begin to look for some validation that they’re not alone in falling in love.
Nothing in life has been guaranteed, but we have to be willing to fake until we find a way to make it.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Love is patient.
Love is understanding.
Love is growing together and becoming one.
Love is fighting and knowing when it’s time to let go.
Love is a four-letter word that should not be used as a Band-Aid to cover up underneath the surface that abuses the word love.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Temporary people always find a way to teach you long-term lessons.
Temporary people are not meant to be long-term people, no matter how bad we would like to make them long-term people.
Temporary people can give us what we want for the moments or make us live unforgettable moments that we may never be able to live again because those moments were meant to be lived with those temporary people.
Temporary people are like seasonal weather; they don’t stick around long enough for anyone to get comfortable or get to know them better.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I wish I could run, but where would I hide.
I would love to hide from my heart because my heart has the bad habit of playing tricks on me.
I don’t want tricks because it’s difficult to see the magic in love when love has a hard time showing its true self to me to give my all to love.
It’s terrifying to know the love has so much power over people, but it’s so rewarding to know that someone out there is willing to take the same adventure that you are as long as we do it fearlessly and with no doubt.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Invisible
unheard
unseen
unwanted
unneeded
Unloved
These are all the feelings that I feel anytime I feel ignored by anyone around me, or maybe it’s just all in my head.
I’m not looking for sympathy or pity, but I want some acknowledgment that I’m here.
Maybe it’s my fault for feeling how I do because I haven’t allowed anyone to get close to me, or I open up to people as I should.
I have always been scared to open up pandora’s boxes because people have always try to tell me how I should feel and think instead of listening to me.
Everyone has their own opinion about me and things that have happened in my life.
I feel unseen as always more comfortable than being surrounded by people that have made me feel like I should not even be a part of them in any way, shape, or form.
Unwanted, because I've always been the black sheep that has never followed the rules.
Unloved because no one can take a minute away from their little world to notice that I’m rolling around like a zombie.
Unneeded because people know how to make me feel like a furniture piece; anyone can move around whenever they feel like it without feeling pain or emotion.
At this point in my life, I know that I should not care about anything that anyone thinks, says, or does, but I am the type of person looking for peace, love, happiness, and acceptance.
It’s invisible because no one sees me, they know who they want me to be, and I have no clue who that might be.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis🇩🇴
The most fantastic part of any woman is how she can use her body to bring new life into this crazy
world that we are all a part of.
What has been bugging me about being a life-givers is that we as woman don’t appreciate the fact
that God blessed us as a woman to have the ability to use our bodies for human life.
Sometimes as woman, we can be selfish and think about being a woman before being a mom to
another human being.
Giving birth to another human is the most incredible thing that a woman could do.
I was a woman who desires to be a mom one day.
All I bring myself to say is that we should never taken someone life for granted.
I feel like a hypocrite talking about not making a living like a child’s life allowed.
When I laid down and had life ripped out of me because we felt we were not ready to be parents, we
felt prepared to have sex.
I’m guessing the advice I was hoping to get before getting involved in a sexual relationship was that sex
is a huge responsibility that should not be taken lightly because our bodies might be talking two
different languages that our brains are.
Let’s remember that all children are blessed and should not be treated like toys that we can put away
when we don’t feel like playing mommy.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Can we start over?
If we do start over, how do we even know where to begin.
Those questions can & only be answered by God as long as we place our faith in him.
Anytime something happens to alter our lives, trust that God has a lesson that needs him to teach in
his way and help us grow or help understand things that, in other ways, we would not be able to
understand ourselves.
So at this point, God is the only one who knows where and who will join us. Don’t question God, allow
him to do what he does best, and challenge us anytime he blesses us with a brand new day.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
�
How many of us say that we won’t look back?
Not looking back is because how can anyone grow when we are busy looking back for something we believe is missing.
Missing it because we never got what we deserved from the person we thought we should have arrived.
I guess that’s the main reason we become curious and give ourselves the chance to look back because we don’t want to live with the what if in our lives.
The moment we begin to live out the look back, the curious becomes a feeling of what I’m doing and a feeling of emptiness, looking for a way to fill it by looking back for that one thing we didn’t get the first time around.
M.B.G. �
I’ve been going through some changes in myself; a wrong decision has me questioning myself, but I don’t want anybody to pity me because I don’t need anybody to help me.
So I’m going to deal with the hand I was sold.
Unfortunately, trial & Error is something that happens throughout life.
But, to find that special something in life, we must be strong enough to go through trial and Error. Ms. Butterfly Genesis
She wants to speak for herself through my own words, but no real clue how to do so because she has blocked herself from emotionally feeling anything.
She has become terrified.
To scratch open those feelings can be overwhelming, and who knows if she can handle the aftermath.
She struggles with writing to herself because she has no idea how to open up to herself.
The only thing she can hope for as she sits down with this pen & paper in her hand is that she has a significant breakthrough with herself.
The first thing she would need to tell herself is to stop looking for people’s approval.
The only consent she needs is herself.
To scratch open those feelings can be overwhelming, and who knows if she can handle the aftermath.
She struggles with writing to herself because she has no idea how to open up to herself.
The only thing she can hope for as she sits down with this pen & paper in her hand is that she has a significant breakthrough with herself.
The first thing she would need to tell herself is to stop looking for people’s approval.
The only consent she needs is herself.
To scratch open those feelings can be overwhelming, and who knows if she can handle the aftermath.
She struggles with writing to herself because she has no idea how to open up to herself.
The only thing she can hope for as she sits down with this pen & paper in her hand is that she has a significant breakthrough with herself.
The first thing she would need to tell herself is to stop looking for people’s approval.
The only consent she needs is herself.
How can anyone approve of who and what her options might be if she can’t recommend me as a person?
She shouldn’t hate the body because everyone around her has always found something negative about it.
She knows that she must uplift herself & treat her body like a temple and not abuse it by having a love–hate relationship with food.
She put all the responsibilities of hating her body on others.
However, she also must realize that she has never been strong enough to tell those people to shut the fuck up when they say she is fat.
She smiles and plays it off like it never bothers her. Or take it out on herself by starving herself and throwing up, hoping the pain would go away.
It took her a long time to figure out that she has a horrible relationship with food, which doesn’t hurt them because they never have to go through the motion of hating or starving themselves as she does.
She guesses that for them, it’s a lot easier to say if she would kill herself, go ahead and do it because it’s one less person they need to worry about.
Starving herself has never been the correct answer to her problems, but it’s always been her way of dealing with her pain.
She has always been able to preach to people how they should stand up for themselves and how no one should have the power to bully them.
She is such a pretender because she pretended to be this healthy person who doesn’t allow herself to get intimidated.
When in her heart of hearts, she has constantly been bullied by people and the things they say about her body and her as a person.
Just a smile on her face and pretend that it doesn’t bother her until she finds herself alone with her thoughts & feelings.
Instead of telling them to shut the fuck up, she places a smile like nothing is wrong.
She struggles to stand up for herself because she knows that she is invisible so that no one can see or hear.
Suppose she was going to stand up for herself. She would tell herself it’s not her fault that people feel or see her, and it’s not her job to try and change them.
She needs to accept herself, no matter what anyone might be thinking of her.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Whatever you saw in me one day, I wish you could still know that about me.
So I could believe in what we once had just because I don’t want my heart holding on to anything that might not be there.
I want to feel like that woman who caught the man’s eye that she could not stand because he thought he had so much swag.
You need to make me feel like that woman who was able to feel a billion butterflies; the only way she could handle being around him was to look away from him once in a Blue Moon.
So it would not be so apparent that she was into him and that he could have a standing chance if he played his cards right.
The only way she could feel that way was to find it within himself to become that person; my eyes once became glued too.
So I understand that it takes two to go and come back from what we were.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis�
She understands happiness & love don’t come from a man but her loving herself first.
She also understands that she must value who she is, including all her flaws.
She is unhappy with herself at this point because she is too busy running from herself.
After all, she is scared about what she needs from those around her.
She loves herself because she has a heart of gold.
She loves giving back to everyone.
She loves herself because she knows that she matters while others are busy, making her feel trash.
If she did not have these qualities, how could she love who she is as a person?
She hates that she is a people pleaser.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
It’s been a while since I have taken pen to paper to say how I feel.
I made it to my 35th birthday with more blessings & love than a girl handle, but I made it.
God heard when I said I was not ready to go anywhere yet.
Every day I open my eyes; it is a struggle, but I have been blessed to open my eyes for another crazy day.
Thirty-five years old & I am still learning about life as the days go by
I didn’t have to ask for anything as I blow out the candles because I am not missing anything in my life for the first time.
I’m whole as a person because I can finally put myself first without feeling guilty that I should go.
Wow, it took me 35 years; that’s oh okay if I care for myself first, but will I ever indeed be understanding?
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
I love knowing that I can write my feelings away on paper.
I have never claimed to be a professional writer, but I have a passion for it because it lives in my heart.
When I have a blank sheet of paper, it’s like a place for my heart to open up without judgment.
The judgment of others has always made me question if I should be exposing myself by trying to share pieces of myself with others.
This is not the first time I have tried to put a blog together to have an outlet.
I will be completely blunt; I was told to take down my blog because some people defamed their character.
My blog has always been about what I am going through; the weather is about my struggles with my family, friends, and personal relationship with my exes.
I also expose the struggles I have with myself.
The main one is excepting my body for what it is.
If I genuinely care about what anyone thought, I would shut down because I would not see the purpose of being me if I could not write anymore.
I’m not trying to hurt anyone, but I don’t want to be a cookie-cutter writer who paints pretty pictures when that’s not always the truth.
Life is real.
I’m real as well & I am not going to apologize for that.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
Hi, my name is Erika M. Santana
My brother & I were born on 09/04/81
Besides being the youngest of four older siblings, we were born with cerebral palsy, which meant that our brain didn‘t get enough oxygen to many different parts of our minds during childbirth.
I have always been told that I was the most vigorous twin out of my brother & me because I didn’t need so many machines to keep me alive; unlike my brother, he needed a lot more assistance keeping himself in check. Anyone reading this must keep in mind that my twin and I were born at two a half pounds each.
As our life counties, I realized that I wasn’t the strongest out of the twins anymore, and our family is from a different country from the United States; our family did the best they could do with our disability.
Whatever else was unfamiliar to us as a family, we tried our very best to learn as we kept going so our family could make the right decisions for my brother and me.
This is me
I‘m someone who needs someone from the time my eyes pop open for the simple things that most people take for granted: getting up and getting into my wheelchair alone.
I entered the bathroom and washed my Purse because my hands were not strong enough to scrub her down the way she deserves. Imagine a grown-assertion doing number# two and then having someone wiping them because they can’t do themselves in life. That’s only a tiny part of my crazy life.
Dressing me is a lot of fun, too, because the only thing I can do is decide what I’m going to wear, while others get me dressed as if I was a newborn. Yes, I can brush my teeth and food myself, depending on my hands themselves.
I want people to understand that I’m not too fond of the relationship I have with food because if I get fat, no one will want to help me if I allow myself to enjoy eating the way everyone else does.
Food is a control thing for me. After all, it’s the only thing I can decide because everything else in my life is a dictatorship.
Now that I have listed all my crazy negatives, let me see if I can list some positive things that I can or have done for myself.
I‘m smart and not afraid to learn new things, whether in a book or life.
I love opening myself on paper if my sentence structure can sometimes make no sense because missing words is a lot of the time. After all, my head can be a little faster than my hands.
I have also managed to fall head over heels in love with some fantastic people who have taught me so much about myself.
Despite my physical limitations, I engaged in my first sexual experience at 21 with someone who saw me as a person, not my chair.
I also had the willpower to become someone’s wife, even though the whole world was against my decision because my marriage was going to fail. Of course, people will assume I regret my decision with a failed marriage, but I don’t because I did it myself.
My limitations have never defined me because I know I am more than the wheels I use as my legs. I’m a human being first.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
The Memoir Of Ms. Butterfly 