Tag: Family

Dear You,

I don’t know where to begin, but I must say something.
Something is better than nothing.
And this—this is everything I’ve been holding in.

I miss you.
Unbelievably.
More than my heart can contain.
Yes, life keeps moving, but it’s harder now.
Harder to start the day.
Harder without our girl talks, the ones that made everything feel lighter.

I never wanted to disappoint you.
But I know I did, while you were still in the physical world.
Still, my intention—always—was to make you proud.
Proud of me.
Proud of the relationship we built, year after year, moment after moment.

And even now, I feel you.
In every step I take.
In every decision, good or bad.
You’re still here, in some strange, beautiful way.

I know there’s only one thing you’ve ever wanted:
To see your family grow.
To watch love expand in ways you never got to witness.
And I know you’re watching.
I know you’re still hoping.

So this is my apology.
To you.
To the version of me that let fear win.
I’m sorry for disappointing you.
I’m sorry for not taking the opportunity you gave me on the other side.
I’m sorry for self-sabotaging something I wanted so deeply.

But maybe everything happens for a reason.
Maybe the reason is love.
Maybe the reason is growth.
Maybe the reason is that we all want the same thing:
For him to become the best version of himself.
For him to find his person.
And he did.

So as you look down from wherever you are,
Please—make sure his dreams come true.
Please—keep guiding me, even when I stumble.
Please—know that I love you.
And I miss you more than anything in this world.

Always yours,

August 1, 2025

Angel, Conversation, disappointment, Family, grife, Life, Lost, Love, Mental health, No Answers, special, Writing
Eleven Years Ago

ELEVEN YEARS LATER

OMG, I HAVE SOMETHING TO HOLD THAT MAKES OUR DIVORCE REAl

MENTALLY, I HAVE ALWAYS HAD AN UNDERSTANDING I HAVE BEEN DIVORCED FOR ELEVEN BECAUSE I WAS THE ONE WHO SCREAMED THE WORD DIVORCE AND THREW THE SYBLOM OF OUR LOVE ON THE FLOOR.
THEN, I CONTINUED TO PULL HIM APART AS IF HE WAS EMIEM. Instead, I PROMISED TO LOVE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
AT THAT POINT, I WANTED OUT BECAUSE I FELT LIKE I WAS CHOKING, AND I NEEDED THE ABILITY TO BREATHE AGAIN.
I KNOW I WAS HELL WRONG, PASSING OFF A SMOKING MIRROR OF HAVING EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL WHEN I HAD NO IDEA HOW WE WERE GOING TO MAKE IT.
THE ONLY THING I HAVE BEEN SURE OF IS HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM.
ELEVEN YEARS AGO AND HAVING THESE DAMN PAPERS IN MY HANDS ARE BREAKING ME IN THOUSAND PIECES.
WISHING I COULD HAVE A TAKE-BACK BACK, BUT IN LIFE, THERE IS NO TAKE-BACK. WE HAVE TO LEARN FROM OUR MISTAKES.

Ms. Butterfly Genesis

January 31, 2024

Broken, DONE, DREAMS, Family, FINAL, Marriage, UNREALSTIC, Years
Prepare

Damn, the worst thing anyone can hear is I must prepare myself to deal with her. So I want to ask, what does that mean you must prepare yourself to deal with her?

I already feel like I’m a burden to everyone around me. So when I hear someone say, I must prepare to deal with it.
What the fuck is that all about. We live in a world where we don’t have to deal with people we don’t want to. We choose to deal with people we don’t want to deal with because either we don’t think highly of ourselves, or we just genuinely can put our differences aside for moments and see them as humans.

I’m over the top.
I require more than most people and what I mean when I say I need more than most people is that their hands become minds their legs become mine as well.
My body works differently, just like every other body works differently than mine.
I sit in the seat that I sit in with pride.
It might not seem like it all the time.
Still, I’m very proud of sitting in the seat that I sit in every day because people’s ignorance pushes me to continue to do my very best and continue to wish those who see me as something they have to prepare for nothing but the best in their lives.

Ms. Butterfly Genesis

July 6, 2022

Damage, exposed, Family, firework, sadness
Guilt Trip

Family is supposed to mean unity but unity means different things to different families.

My family is like a popularity contest of who’s the favorite and who is the family’s black sheep, and guess where I fall in my family’s line.

I am the black sheep of my family because I don’t have a bond like everybody else does with each other. I don’t have a bond with the family because they’ve made me feel like an outcast.

I can’t be trusted by saying things about my character like I am big or a liar.

On top of all the character bashing, I feel like the most significant burden on everyone.

They can smile at me like the rest of the world does but talk shit behind my back, but when I tell them how I feel, I’m wrong because I shouldn’t feel that way.

I’m not allowed to feel that way because of everything they’ve given up to take care of me.

I’ve always said this, and I stick by my statement, I never asked to be here.

That was a choice that was made for me before I was even thought of, and I’m not going to feel bad for speaking my truth, just like when they talk about me being a liar, me being a bitch me being difficult. As much as I would like to be a part of my family, why would I want to when they have such a dark perception of who I am as a person.

The main reason I can be who I want to be with my friends is that my friends have no judgment of me and don’t make me feel indifferent to them.

My disability has never defined me, but my family has allowed my disability to determine how far I can go in life.

I’m not about to do that to please them. I want my own life. I deserve it; I have earned it.

I’ve given them 40 years of my life; I’m not about to give them another 40 years. I became an adult, mind, body, and soul; the god blessed me at 21 years old. I did not use marriage to become emancipated.

Honestly, my mother forgets that marriage is emancipated in every way possible in the state of New York City. So I feel like whoever reads my following statement will feel some way about me, and I can say I don’t give fuck.

Yes, true, my mother has dirty hands; wiping ass broke her back; caring for me like no other person would give me the best years of her life. Caring for who everyone sees today, and I am blessed and grateful.

If I may be truthful, I am sick tired of the constant guilt of how grateful I should be because she chose to put her life on hold for me when it is my turn to live without feeling like I am stopping everybody else from living there extraordinary lives.

Ms. Butterfly Genesis

April 11, 2022

bloodline, Difficulties, emding, Family, Hardship, Learning, Life, Love, split
Two years

It’s been two years since the last time we said goodbye I have no idea what to say or how to feel that you don’t already know or haven’t seen for yourself since you’ve left us.

Two years and it seems like it was yesterday that everyone that you ever loved or ever touched in the special he was there saying their goodbyes and me whispering, I love you hoping that you would’ve heard those words coming from me.

I needed you to listen to those words coming from my mouth because I didn’t want you to feel like you were alone.

As your body was getting ready to leave the physical world, my only concern was letting you know how much I loved you and how much I was going to miss you.

I know you have no choice in how or when you decide to leave us.

But, still, I do want you to know something our lives will never be the same because you were the glue that held a lot of us together.

Now that we no longer have you, it feels like it’s time we fall apart because you were. I will comment denominator, but now we don’t have a common denominator that was you.

Two years and I’m still wondering if that hole that you left in my mother’s heart will ever be filled again, and will she ever be the same person she was before you left.

She puts on a brave face because that’s all she’s knows because she refuses to show pain.

What can I tell you about myself in the past two years that you haven’t been here? My personal life is a hot mess, but knowing you would smile and giggle and tell me when you will get a boyfriend.

As you laugh, my only response would be Guy, way too much trouble; I’d rather be alone, and Knowing you, you would have agreed with me and told me not to waste my time to focus on walking.

Of course, I will smile back and say I will, and you were Giggle.

My personal life is not something to be spoken for.

But, still, everything else that I wanted to do as far as blogging YouTube being it’s going pretty well, and I’m proud of myself, and I know you would be proud of me too because I’m finally doing something for me I wish you were around to see it all.

I miss you every day, every hour, every minute. I no longer know how to say I miss you.

Grandma 👵

Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴

January 23, 2022

Family, glue, incomplete, Time, unbelievable, unforgettable
Bold

I have tried to be Bold but couldn’t be because I always worried about hurting someone’s feelings.

All my life, I have been taught or Intimidated by the fact that I always need someone for the rest of my life.

Therefore, I should not try to bite the hand that feeds me or cleans my ass.

So what that meant for me was to suppress a lot of my feelings internally into myself and blame myself for a lot of the things and a lot of ways people would make me feel because I was not allowed to bite that hand.

So keeping that in mind, I learned how to walk on eggshells with people, including my own family, because I understood I needed Them more than they needed me to be around.

Holding back my emotions has limited me from communicating with others.

I don’t always communicate in a way where I am understood right away, and sometimes I feel like I try my best to speak; I get lost in my communication.

I lack the most in contact is the wrong wording and how I phrase things to people.

bold

outspoken

fearless

unbothered

understanding

opinions

disagreements

These are the steps that anyone, including myself.

It needs to go by anytime we need to communicate our feelings to the world.

Stop feeling apologetic anytime anyone’s feelings get bothered by my Opinion just because of the fear of not having my back up to help me with my need every day.

I already have so many things in my life that intimidate me; why should I speak up for myself or share an opinion about something?

It should scare me as well.

So no way I have a voice, and I’m not going to use it if people want to join the ride; please do, but if you don’t get off before I ride off.

Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴

January 9, 2022

Challenging, destructive, egg shells, Family, Hopeless, intimidation, powerless, struggle, voiceless
Merry Christamas

Christmas, I believe, has been very much commercialized. I also think that everyone has lost the true meaning of Christmas. I’m 40 years old. I was a little kid; I had everything about heart desired more.

Thinking back on those times, I can’t believe how lucky and how blessed we were as children coming up in those times because right now, there’s nothing more that I wish but to go back to a time, So I meant to enjoy my innocence and enjoy building more memories with everyone around me.

Nowadays, it’s all about the latest technology, the latest clothes, and just everything up-to-date what’s the most expensive thing you can get a child, instead of teaching our children about building memories making memories.

But, one day, what does having the latest technology and the latest clothes mean? If the people that genuinely have one’s heart are no longer here with us to enjoy those things, nothing.

I guess what I’m trying to say with this piece is that we have lost a tremendous number of people who had no reason to lose their lives for almost two years now. I’m no longer here with us; this is why I say Christmas should be about the family.

Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴

Merry 🎄

December 25, 2021

Challenging, Family, Gift, Love, memories, photograph, Promising
CALLED TO HEAVEN
Heaven must be the most peaceful place.

That’s why you probably answered your calling when it was time, and you knew you were finally going to run free without any body pain or anything else holding you back.

I am angry that you answered that call, not just because I would no longer see your beautiful face again.

I’m pissed off because one of the many children you left behind happens to be my mother, who had caught herself picking up the phone to call you because she was so used to hearing your voice and laughing about it when you guys talked about the good old days.

I know you could not help but answer the call that we all have to answer one day.

If you only knew the mom I once had, she is not even half the person she left with us.

If the walls could speak, they would be screaming your name; you definitely would get tired of hearing your name all day.

No matter how busy we try to keep her, nothing will compare to hearing or seeing you again.
```
   I pray that you give her the strength to continue to see the days ahead.

   As time goes on, I pray that you help her find that inner peace she is looking for when it comes to your passing.

     I pray that you help her become the person she was before she understood that you were leaving us behind.

     I pray that you listen to me and please help her come back to life better yet just to herself.

 Losing you, I have somewhat lost the most significant part, my mom and your child.
```
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
August 31, 2021

daughter, Family, Friendship, Granddaughter, sister-in-law
Single Mother’s

(I have no idea what it’s like to be a single mom, but I feel like they need recognition for all their hard work and sacrifice.)

A mother’s job begins when she decides that she is ready to share her life with another human being grown inside of her—not knowing that they will be growing together and fighting together.

It’s effortless to make a baby; the difficult part is knowing that you’re in this alone because the person you decided to have a child with doesn’t feel the need to share the responsibilities with you.

The job of a single mother never ends.
Being the mother and father is the most challenging job because we must play both roles simultaneously.
We can’t force men to become fathers if they don’t want to and if they can’t realize that the gifts that God has given them are the best gift they can ever receive from God.
That’s why, as women, we all have to be careful of who we choose to share ourselves with and want to become parents with because the kids are the ones that suffer.

As single mothers, we have to become superwomen.
After all, we don’t have time to break or think about anything else but need and then one because we have to make up for what they’re losing by not having a male figure in their lives.

This last part is for the men who believe that making a baby makes them a father.
I hate to break it to you just because you can make a baby does not make you a man; what makes a man is the one that sticks around to watch his children grow up and become something better than their fathers.

That’s why I believe God gave the gift of bearing children to women because he gave us the strength and the power in the knowledge to become mothers and fathers.

Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 19, 2021

backbone, Family, Love, powerful, Strength, Struggles, women’s
Blogging

I love knowing that I can write my feelings away on paper.

I have never claimed to be a professional writer, but I have a passion for it because it lives in my heart.

When I have a blank sheet of paper, it’s like a place for my heart to open up without judgment.

The judgment of others has always made me question if I should be exposing myself by trying to share pieces of myself with others.
This is not the first time I have tried to put a blog together to have an outlet.

I will be completely blunt; I was told to take down my blog because some people defamed their character.

My blog has always been about what I am going through; the weather is about my struggles with my family, friends, and personal relationship with my exes.

I also expose the struggles I have with myself.

The main one is excepting my body for what it is.

If I genuinely care about what anyone thought, I would shut down because I would not see the purpose of being me if I could not write anymore.

I’m not trying to hurt anyone, but I don’t want to be a cookie-cutter writer who paints pretty pictures when that’s not always the truth.

Life is real.
I’m real as well & I am not going to apologize for that.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴

August 15, 2021

Challenge, Family, Love, powerful, Searching, women’s