Social media is not accurate social media has become like a smoke and mirror of things.
The people enjoy watching. As an influencer or whatever people want to see me, I don’t put my entire life on social media because I know social media is not accurate.
I understand that social media can be cruel and very mean. If you don’t have tough skin, many people would not be able to handle being influencers or bloggers because society chooses to judge us on what we post on our social media platforms.
But, if you are constantly posting on social media that you’re happy, in love, or whatever the case may be, that’s what people will believe in because that is what we have chosen the camera to caption.
One principle that society forgets or refuses to acknowledge is that just because someone is a caption with a smile does not mean happiness. Social media is a few minutes away from reality.
It’s challenging to disconnect from social media because the media has become a large work market for everyone around us too. Even I can admit that I need to learn to disconnect and live in the moment. Not every moment needs to be captioned or posted on social media because important moments lose value.
I began my blog because I needed a safe space to express myself and my feelings without judgment. I’ve felt physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted in the last few months. I feel like no matter what I do with my life or don’t do with my life, someone has something to say, and I’m just tired. I’m tired of feeling like I have to explain all my actions so that later on, I don’t need to deal with anyone’s reaction.
Sometimes I feel like being a part of this physical world can be overwhelming because I have others negatively beat me down mentally and emotionally beating me. I have taken every negative thing that people have said to my face or have made me feel about myself to make me a more robust and a better writer.
On a serious note, I’m tired of trying to prove my abilities while the rest of the world refuses my growth as a woman. At this point, I’m like fuck everyone who is not with me and who hasn’t been with me in a long time.
I want to live, but I want to live my own life without having the commentary in the background, making me feel like I have no idea what I’m doing? So what if I don’t know what I’m doing?
Part of living is making mistakes and growing from and learning from them, and becoming a better person. Many people say I’m still the same person I was back then; I’m no different, but I know I’m different because I’m older, and I understand a lot more than I did.
I don’t know, but I still have people wanting to stop my growth, and I wouldn’t say I like that. I have earned the right to live a life I can be proud of despite my disability. Whether the world feels I’ve done enough to get out of a particular situation I’m in or not, that’s their fucking problem, not mine.
I know what I’m trying to do for myself, and no one else should matter or get in my way of accomplishing my goals. I also understand that a billion people can stand in my way, but if I genuinely want to see my dreams come to life, I will make it happen.
I’m mad at myself when I allow people’s commentaries to get under my skin when I know they have no idea what type of life I’m living and what I truly desire with all of my heart. Besides good health and a good spiritual connection with God, I want my independence.
However, I understand that I won’t be fully independent because of my limitations. I deserve to have a life where nobody comments about anything I want to do with my life. I turn around, and someone comments or makes me feel stupid for even attempting to have an everyday life.
I wouldn’t trade my disability for anything in the world because I know my disability has opened many doors for me to do different things and reach people in many different ways.
At the same time, the only thing I would change is more mobility so that I could do things independently. If I had the mobility, I would not have to kiss anyone’s ass to have a decent life. What I’m living it’s like a child’s life because my parent refuses to see me as an adult. After all, I have been a wheelchair user, and no matter what is harmful to me, that part of me will not change.
I will always be that child, but deep down inside, I don’t want to be seen as a child. I’m a grown-ass woman if I wish to lay down with someone or have a good time alone. I should be able to do so without feeling like the world will point its finger at me. I’ve been in a very dark place, and I have to deal with a human that doesn’t walk a mile in my shoes every time.
It makes it that much worse, but I get mad at myself instead of them because why am I going to let them get to me. They don’t know what I go through mentally or physically. I’m the only one who understands it, and the only reason why I don’t give up on life is that I love doing what I do. Blogging has allowed me to share my life with y’all, and I hope I’m inspiring others with my stories.
The exact words encourage people as she uses them on me more often, especially when I feel like there’s no way out. When I know there is a way off, I have to be willing to fight for my way out.
I’ve been trying for the last 40 years to get out so I can run free and not feel like a rope around my neck is holding me back.
I don’t apologize for ranting and raving the way I am because my blog is the safest place for me to let myself be who I am. Who am I? Right now am a very pissed human being because I allowed someone to get under my skin instead of being a bigger and better person.
Another school shooting means we lose a considerable part of our future every time we lose our children to school shootings.
Those people that have mental issues have no idea what it’s like to bring a child into this world full of fear full of uncertainty, and just disbelief at what this world has become. When anyone thinks about bringing children into this world, we don’t think about we’re not going to see our child grow up into adulthood because someone is a sick man is going to go into the school building and take the innocent lives that they just started to live.
The woman or woman is told she’s going to become a mother; she becomes overprotective over the next nine months of her life and the child’s life because you don’t want anything to go wrong.
All you know is that you want a healthy baby, no matter the sex.
As a mother fantastic job is to be a nurturer’s guidance. I love you, and I know many mothers wish they could be with the kids 24 hours a day, seven days a week, 365 days a year, so we don’t miss one moment Of their lives.
But mothers know that that’s not realistic that we do give birth to our children, but they don’t belong to us for the rest of our lives; we have to allow them to fly and explore the world for what it is and will enable them to make their own choices and their own mistakes because that’s part of growth.
The terrifying thing is that nowadays, you want them to get the best education in the world, so you send them to school hoping and praying that they are getting the best education in the world, not assuming that will be the last time you see your child is when you send them to school.
So it’s terrifying to know that nowadays, it’s scary to think about sending your child to school because you never know if you will ever see your child again or if you’ll be able to say I love you and ask them how their day was.
School is supposed to be a place where kids are going to learn, interact with one another, and learn from each other they shouldn’t have to worry about if somebody’s going to come moving in, kill them, and then I’m going to be able to see their mom and dad.
Kids should be kids with no worries, no fear, the most important, just never being loved. I know I’m old, and I’m not denying them, but when I was in school, I was never worried about whether I would return home to see my mom and my other siblings. I knew at 3 o’clock then I would be home with my mom and the rest of my family.
It’s shameful and scary to think about sending your kids off to school and Always having that lingering thought that you might never see your child again because someone lost their mind.
As a parent, you play the blame game with yourself because you’re like, damn, I should’ve kept them at home, but if you keep them at home to keep them safe, you’re stopping them from living, but then again if you send them to school, you don’t know if you’re going to get them back for the catch 22.
Then after playing the blame game with yourself, you go into grief mode. I do not understand why your child? When your child was learning about life.
Now, your kids, all of that is gone because of someone’s stupidity and selfish act against other human lives. That had no when they woke up that morning; that could be the last time they would see their loves.
I know a lot of us to have problems showing emotions or even saying I love you, but if you can say I love you and show your children that you love them while being there for them and being the best parents, you can be in that waiting for something so horrific to happen.
Being a parent is a gift from God that we should not take for granted. Hence, any chance we have to tell our kids how much we love them, how proud of them we are, and how amazing they are, and they can change the world because of their perseverance, let them know every second of every day before it’s too late.
I’m good. I’m OK. I”m fine. I am happy. A smile so no one wonders about my unwanted tears in my eyes constantly crying every night because I fear to say I’m not OK because in society says it’s not okay to say it’s not okay Please don’t make it OK within ourselves to say we’re not OK, so that’s why when people ask, are you OK? The quickest response we can say is yes; I’m OK even while the world around me is caving in, and I’m looking for a way out of me not being OK. Mine not being OK has nothing to do with people; it has to do with me and maybe not strong enough to say I’m not OK, But here now I’m permitting myself to say I’m not OK so anyone finds some self not being OK it’s OK not to be OK what’s wrong is not saying I’m not OK.
I have no control over my body because my disability does not allow my ability to shine through.
Other people have control over my body, so I decided to control what I put in my mouth.
That’s when that demon that I had no idea was living inside of me or how quickly it was going to take control of me, just like everything else in my life.
The demon was food. I was looked at food as my biggest inner struggle with myself because I understood mentally I needed to live, but physically, I had other thoughts on how my body should look.
Control, to me, is a powerful thing for me, and food was that power my body could not give to me. So I began starving myself, hoping and praying as I’m physically harming myself. I could finally disappear so I could stop listening to others calling me fat or just not seeing myself in a positive light because of how I have been conditioned throughout my life.
Today I look healthy, but mentally I struggle to see the person looking back at me because I’m not too fond of the body I’m in. In many ways, I’m conflicted because part of me feels like if I were not in this organization, I would not be pushing myself this hard to prove that my disability has been my ability to do the impossible. The other side of me feels like I would rather not be here because I am in prison in my own body. No magic dust can or will ever make me a 100% percent cure, but at least I know I can’t allow my dark side to win. Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
I have many walls that stop people from getting to know me or how I am feeling. Breaking down these walls means letting go of all the negative things that have held me back from moving forward like I know I should be doing. Letting go of things that have always been with me is scary to let go simply because I don’t know if I will stop myself after opening the door to my closet. Breaking down these walls always seemed impossible because I have never felt ready to deal with my past because I have a hurtful past, and to face that has brought me much pain and is like asking for a slow death. Breaking down these walls is like stripping myself naked and allowing my soul to show so everyone can see what I have been holding in for so many years, and by doing that, people might understand why I have never felt like I belong to anyone in my life. I‘m scared to strip myself naked with no walls to hide behind, so I can feel safe and protect myself from other things that might hurt me or hurt my soul. Breaking down these walls would mean leaving me open to feeling the pain that I have been able to lock away for so long just because I never felt like I had to deal with the hurt or the problem. Leaving myself stripped away might bring my death simply because it is too much pain for me to handle. Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
If all I do is cover my body with unnecessary scars, relieve the pain running through my body.
Watching the blood run down my arm feels good because that’s the only way of letting go of the pain that chokes me every day of my life.
I feel I am choking because I don’t know how to open & allow the pain inside me. Cutting helps for the moment, but then I’m left wondering when it will all stop for me. Is it going to stop the day the blood in my veins stops running through my body?
The Memoir Of Ms. Butterfly 