Tag: Marriage

• Eleven Years Ago

  

  ELEVEN YEARS LATER

  OMG, I HAVE SOMETHING TO HOLD THAT MAKES OUR DIVORCE REAl

  
  MENTALLY, I HAVE ALWAYS HAD AN UNDERSTANDING I HAVE BEEN DIVORCED FOR ELEVEN BECAUSE I WAS THE ONE WHO SCREAMED THE WORD DIVORCE AND THREW THE SYBLOM OF OUR LOVE ON THE FLOOR.
  THEN, I CONTINUED TO PULL HIM APART AS IF HE WAS EMIEM. Instead, I PROMISED TO LOVE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.
  AT THAT POINT, I WANTED OUT BECAUSE I FELT LIKE I WAS CHOKING, AND I NEEDED THE ABILITY TO BREATHE AGAIN.
  I KNOW I WAS HELL WRONG, PASSING OFF A SMOKING MIRROR OF HAVING EVERYTHING UNDER CONTROL WHEN I HAD NO IDEA HOW WE WERE GOING TO MAKE IT.
  THE ONLY THING I HAVE BEEN SURE OF IS HOW MUCH I LOVE HIM.
  ELEVEN YEARS AGO AND HAVING THESE DAMN PAPERS IN MY HANDS ARE BREAKING ME IN THOUSAND PIECES.
  WISHING I COULD HAVE A TAKE-BACK BACK, BUT IN LIFE, THERE IS NO TAKE-BACK. WE HAVE TO LEARN FROM OUR MISTAKES.

  Ms. Butterfly Genesis

  January 31, 2024

  Broken, DONE, DREAMS, Family, FINAL, Marriage, UNREALSTIC, Years

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• Vague

  I did not have to look back.

  I want to look back because I felt I could get that incomplete off my heart, and all I believe I received was a sense of a stupid woman.

  Stupid woman because I choose to feel inadequate about holding on to the vague feeling over what was once my marriage.

  Now that I have realized that feeling of incompletion is or was going to be a part of my life, I need to find peace within myself and understand that everything doesn’t need to be complete.

  I will never fix my past, but I can grant myself a fantastic future.

  The only way I can have a future with myself is when I begin to forgive myself for all my bad behavior and not accept myself just the way I am.

  If I’m going to be my authentic self, I have to let go of being perfect for the world. When being perfect is not being genuine.

  Ms. Butterfly Genesis

  January 13, 2022

  Ability, accountability, Challenging, discovering, divorce, incomplete, Marriage, Strength, Wow

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• The Light

  It’s incredible what happens between two people when there’s no real conversation. It’s taking me 14 to 15 years to realize this person will never be my person because of my unruly mistake.

  I mistake I regret every day of my life, and I punish myself for every single day because instead of living my happily ever after, I’m still looking and wondering if that could’ve been with him.

  I don’t know if my final words to him were that anger or out of pure frustration because I’ve prayed for a very long time to God to bring him back into my life.

  I guess God finally got tired of hearing my prayers that he brought about, but the only thing is that it wasn’t the same, and I understand it never be the same.

  So I don’t know what I was hoping for when he came back into my life, or maybe I know what I was hoping for, and I am 100% disappointed but not surprised how things came about.

  The light finally went off in my soul no matter how sorry I may be or how much I believe I’ve changed; he will never have the ability to see that because he hasn’t been able to forgive me for my biggest mistake and my biggest regret ever in life.

  I know I was the one that changed the course of both of our lives, but I never thought that things could not get better one day; I wasn’t asking for the same item or the same person; I was asking for an opportunity.
  End up with me to show my growth as a person and a woman, but he always knew that the chance would never come.

  So I stayed around because I’m a firm believer that only the strong survive, and I’ve always considered myself a strong person, so I thought, and I believed that one day that he slowly open and allow me in some ways.

  I’m not worthy of him loving me the way he was dead, but I am worthy of him trying to forgive me so we can figure how to move forward without forgetting where we came from because, in life, you can’t move forward if you don’t know where you came from.

  He and I went from a very dark place in our lives, but we both became strong people because of where we were and what happened to make us the strong people we are today.

  Ms. Butterfly Genesis

  December 14, 2021

  divorce, Heartbreak, Marriage, myself, realistic, Regret, Relationship, Struggles

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