Venting
Those who have followed me know I am a disabled blogger, and As a disabled blogger, I share my life with the world. But with that comes a lot of criticism. People think my posts are just me complaining, but I’m trying to show people the real me.
This is my life, and no one else is writing it. Let’s get down to the nitty-gritty of this post. I want to hear the words I’m proud of you, no matter what I’ve accomplished.
I want to hear them. I’m proud of you and knew you could do it despite your limitations. But sadly, I’m 43 years old, and I haven’t heard those words from anyone who’s given me life and purpose and pushed me for the last 43 years so I can keep living.
I thought I was here to be as successful and independent as possible, but that’s not the case with my mother-and-daughter relationship. I’m 43, and she’s given up her life journey for me because, like I’ve said before, I’m a burden.
So, she thinks and wants me to believe that, but I don’t because I know I can and will do what I have to do for myself, not anyone else. It drives me crazy that just because I’m disabled, I’m supposed to be a piece of furniture that doesn’t move, doesn’t speak, and doesn’t do anything. That’s not who I am.
I’ve never been that person. She’s always told me out of all my children; you’ve been the most defining child I’ve had because I know I can and will do for myself as much as I can, and the things I can’t do for myself, I will find someone to help me do those things for myself because I know what I need for myself to be me.
As a parent, I’d ensure my child is self-sufficient, regardless of ability. The hardest thing for a parent is leaving a child unprepared for life. I thought our relationship would become simpler as she matured and saw me as an adult. But I’m not a child.
I may need help physically, but I can take care of everything mentally. There’s nothing wrong with my brain. I’m not afraid to learn or teach. I thought I’d told her I’m not afraid to live beyond my limitations. I’m not afraid of my limitations; they’ve become my greatest strength. My strength goes beyond anything anyone could imagine.
Hey, Mom, I have something super important to share with you. I’m so grateful for everything you’ve done for me, but I also think it’s time for us to figure out what we can and can’t do without each other. You’ve given me so much of yourself, and I want you to know I appreciate it.
But I also need to take care of myself and my own needs. I’m not saying I don’t love you, but I need to spread my wings and fly. I know it’s scary to think about being without each other, but I also know it’s time for us to find peace and happiness.
I know you’ve done your part and deserve your time to find out who you are without me. I’m so proud of the amazing person you’ve raised me to be, and I know you’ll always be there for me, even if we’re not always together. Trust yourself, Mom. You’ve done an incredible job, and I know you’ll always be my rock.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
The Memoir Of Ms. Butterfly 