Trace of me all over you is what I dream of & desire.
Anytime I find myself with you, I slowly find a piece of myself that I love more than myself.
There is a better me in the world because I am flawed with your time, patience, and understanding.
Those flaws don’t seem so bad but make me more human.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I have so many people in my life.
I had hurt those who genuinely tried loving me for me when I had the strength to be the real me.
I could honestly say no one knew when I was trying to be the real me because I developed such a lair reputation that made it difficult for anyone to trust me.
Now that I have this time of reflection, I can’t help but think how fuck up I am as a person because I was able to lie, feeling no kind of remorse about who I was hurting.
Even though I felt no remorse at the time, I was hurting myself at the time for not allowing myself to be my authentic self. After all, I always thought that people would not like my authentic self because I have struggled to like myself.
So I would project my dislike about myself onto others, not understanding that the only thing they were trying to do was love me if I gave them a chance.
I could be sorry until I am blue in the face; that doesn’t mean that anyone should forgive what it does mean when someone is being honest with you, you should give it right back.
Reflection time has left me wondering what if and wishing I could go back to that one true love.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I need to have this conversation because if I don’t, I will continue to feel like I’m losing my mind.
This conversation should’ve happened years ago, but it’s better late than never. I guess I love someone who doesn’t love me.
Even though I know and I’ve heard that he no longer loves me, I still hold out hope that one-day things will turn around, but the reality is that will never happen.
It will never happen because of my childish mistake of not speaking and not long other to know how I was feeling or what I was missing, what I needed for that matter.
We had our chance to build our life together to build our futures as one. Still, I threw it all away without a second thought, so how dare I now, after so many years, ask for a chance I know I don’t deserve because I threw it away when I had it.
Now that I don’t have it, I know I don’t deserve it as Contradiction as that sounds it’s the truth in my heart of hearts; I know I don’t deserve that chance because not only did I embarrass myself, I destroyed us what should’ve been us forever.
Even though I’ve come to terms with the fact that we will never be the heart wants what it wants, and that’s what I struggle with is my heart.
My heart is still in twine into his because he feels like the home he knows me I can finish my sentence. He knows how I think before I know how I feel.
I know and understand that by everything I’m putting down on this piece of paper, people might think or feel like I don’t love myself because I’m holding on to someone who doesn’t love me the same way I love them. But I do love myself because I do comprehend that he will never love me the way that I love him.
I also understand that I deserve better and that I should let him go because I deserve happiness, and I will never get true happiness if I hold on to something that is not worthy of me.
Understanding all the things that I know, how can I still hold on to him if my life depended on him. In all honesty, I believe there’s something much more substantial than him and I that wall letting us part ways from each other or let me speak for myself won’t allow me to part ways from him; I have no clue what that might be.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
My heart is in a million pieces, but it’s no one else fault but my own.
I need to detach my heart from feeling anything that could be hurting me, like love is pulling me.
If people don’t allow themselves to go through pain, there is no growth within ourselves as humans.
Pain has been a part of me since birth, so people would think how much more pain I would need to continue growing within myself.
I would love to believe that my heart pain has taught me that I need to be selfish with myself and my time.
The pain teaches me how to have a better relationship before dreaming up any future relationship with anyone.
The pain in my heart has also taught me how crazy strong I am to keep believing in love.
Keep love in my heart because if I don’t, that means in some ways I won’t love myself enough to know that most important person I must love myself.
OPEN MIND KEEPS OPEN KEEPS OPEN HEARTS
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
opening
accepting
acknowledging
allowing
possibilities
Endless
It’s a significant transition for me to think about these words when it comes to describing my relationship with my mom.
I can’t pinpoint what has made me feel these words come true honestly, and I’m grateful to know that it hasn’t been too late for us to learn how to explore our mother’s daughter’s friendship.
Our relationship has never been perfect; it’s been a relationship, but it’s been a difficult one because we both struggle to see each other and each other’s roles.
Having the ability to open up has allowed me to see the possibilities of a mother-and-daughter relationship. Not just a mother is her daughter’s caregiver, But a real mother-daughter relationship.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
The only way Positivity will come in my direction is when I learn how to ignore others’ negativity, including my own.
How to push through the negativities? First is going through the darkness until I can create a tunnel, so I’m able to see the bright light of happiness.
Anything that lives in the darkness can come to light when Positivity can fight its way through the night.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
The Memoir Of Ms. Butterfly 