The Little Girl Inside Me

Through therapy, shadow work, and my inner-child healing workbook, I’m learning something about myself.

There’s still a little girl inside me who didn’t always feel accepted.

She grew up too fast.

She thought she had to be perfect.

She believed that if she did everything right, maybe she would finally receive the approval she wanted.

And now, at 45, I’m learning how to love her.

I wish I could say it’s easy.

It isn’t.

Sometimes I struggle to be kind to her.

Sometimes I don’t understand her.

Sometimes I look back at who I was and wonder why I doubted myself so much.

But Lisa reminds me that she needs love.

And I’m beginning to understand that healing doesn’t mean pretending that little girl never existed.

It means learning how to care for her.

It means telling her that she wasn’t responsible for making everyone else happy.

That she didn’t have to be perfect.

That she deserved to be loved exactly as she was.

Learning to Enjoy My Own Company

Today, something simple happened.

I woke up, listened to my Rosary, spent some time in silence, and enjoyed my music.

My social media posts were already scheduled.

I didn’t have to rush.

I didn’t have to prove I was productive.

I stayed in bed a little longer, took a shower, put on fresh pajamas, enjoyed my coffee, and watched television.

For once, I wasn’t trying to accomplish something.

I was just Erica.

Erika sitting with Erika.

And you know what?

I enjoyed her company.

For someone who has spent years trying to be everything for everybody, that meant something.

I wasn’t looking for approval.

I wasn’t performing.

I was simply living.

I Am Learning to Be Proud of Both of Us

I still have work to do.

I still go to therapy.

I still struggle with my inner child.

And yes, I still wish my mother could see the woman I’ve become.

But I’m learning that I cannot wait for someone else to recognize my worth before I begin recognizing it myself.

I can love my mother without living inside her expectations.

I can accept my disability without allowing it to define the limits of my happiness.

I can acknowledge my mistakes without using them to punish myself.

And I can learn to love the little girl I was while giving the woman I am permission to live.

I’m not completely there yet.

But I’m getting closer.

The little girl I was deserves love. The woman I am deserves freedom. And neither one of us has to be perfect to deserve a beautiful life.

Until next time,

Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🦋

#TheBecomingOfMsButterflyGenesis #InnerChildHealing #HealingJourney #LivingWithDisability #SelfAcceptance