Abandonment
jealousy 
shadowbanned
 betrayal

This-where I am mental; this is everything I feel when I hear the rest of the world laughing and talking.
I want to scream to the rest of the world what about me, but then I think to myself, what the point of screaming it out to the world is?
What about me if I’ve never felt like I had anything good to offer anyone, just my nasty attitude and my way of pushing people away.
I can’t, or I shouldn’t scream.
What about me if I don’t allow anyone to get to know me or listen to me when I need someone to listen to me.
I can’t complain about feeling abandoned when I have emotionally left by cutting myself off from people and family.
My main excuse for cutting people off emotionally has always been that no one understands me or hears me when I try to save something; it might not be necessary to them.
But, still, it’s important to me because it’s whatever I’m feeling or whatever I’m going through that needs to be said.
The feeling of rejection or just being turned away is overwhelming to me.
So that’s why I have emotionally cut myself off from tagging myself to anyone because I don’t want anyone to let me down emotionally.
I cannot emotionally keep abusing myself and blaming it on others and, in the same breath, reach out to the public.
For the public to be primarily connected, they must be at its transparent as possible and be willing to open the door to the hearts.
When I can’t do the same for myself, I can’t open the door and enable people to see me.
I can’t continue to preach to the public about being fearless when I am afraid of being bold about who I am and what I’m feeling, and the things I might be going through emotionally.
Since I turn 40 years old, I’ve been screaming from the top of my lungs this is the newest chapter of my life, but I’ve realized the only way this will be the latest chapter of my life is if I practice what I preach.
If I don’t follow through with what I preach to others, then chapter 40 it’s just like the rest of my life. It’s a circle did never ends.
But I am choosing today to make the circle, and because today, I’m choosing to stop abusing myself emotionally, and I’m going to be more open to the possibility of allowing the public to see me.
So that’s what this whole blogging journey has been about people seeing me.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴

The Memoir Of Ms. Butterfly 