The Memoir Of Ms. Butterfly

Uniquely
I was born this way.
Just because I look different does not mean anyone has the right to bully me.
I believe that God made me different because he knew I was unique
Maybe I was born this way because I’m supposed to teach others; it’s the best thing in the world when we don’t look like everyone else in the world.
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Please don't bully me at all.

 I ask you to get to know me before passing judgment, and hopefully, by doing so, I hope you all realize I'm not that different from anyone else.
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I was born this way because I’m special, and knowing that I’m unique, I refuse to hide in the shadows.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
August 19, 2021

Love, powerful, Strength
My miracle

She never thought she would ever hear the heartbeat of the little miracle growing inside of her.
Her body never worked well enough to know if she would ever have a little one that I could look just like her.
The only time she felt like her body would not fail her was when she placed all her worries and insecurity into God’s hands.
Yes, we indeed want what we want and when we want. But we can’t go around questioning his actions.
If we question actions, that means that our faith within him is a question as well.

The moment she gave up the control, he was able to bless her with the most fantastic gift of life.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 19, 2021

Blessed, Gift, God, Mystery life
Tired

I am tired of crying.
I am tired of looking like I’m trash.
Tired of taking and not being able to throw back because that’s who I am.
I am tired of being that person who everyone runs over because of it so damn easy.
Just tired of being the one who tries to belong when, in reality, no matter what I try, I’m never going to belong or be loved for who I am.
I am tired of giving a fuck of people’s thoughts about me.
No more tears for anything or anyone.
Push me & I’ll push back.
Ms. Butterfly Genes🇩🇴

August 19, 2021

respect, responsible
Stop Listening

Stop listening behind my walls.
If there is something, you would like to know to open up communication with me.
I’m a woman of my actions, and I have also taken responsibility for every step in my life.
Stop listening behind these walls, and assuming that you have heard will help you figure out what’s going on in your life.
How much longer are you going to listen to these walls? Then, stop using these walls as only you can get information.
Damn, not even in my room, I can’t also have private communication, but I sincerely hope to enjoy listening.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis🇩🇴

August 19, 2021
Fake ass

I am hiding myself to please others who have nothing or have never had anything to do with my life.
It makes me angry that there are so many people against me when I have done nothing but forget about myself as a person so I may have the chance to be there for those I thought could be there for me one day.
Fake ass bitches try to live my life just because they have nothing better to do with their own lives.

It breaks my heart to know that I can give so much of myself to people & those same people can turn around & talk shit about me like if I was trash.

When I know the type of person I’m & who I was to be. I remember when someone needs a helping hand, I should try my best to help because tomorrow, I may be the one to require that helping hand I once gave out.

A smiling face is not a face that anyone should trust because those who smile on our faces are quick to make the most significant & sharpest knife & stabs right in the back without a blink.

What hurts me the most is that these fake ass bitches win again because they got me to trust & believe in them by saying things like no matter what happens, I’m here for you & stupid I fell for those words because I always worry about being accepted.

I must remind myself that I need to stop waiting for people to show me love, when I love myself.

Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 19, 2021

Lost, People, realization
Hate On Me

Judge me when you have become a god.
Judge me when you have walked a mile in my shoes.
Judge me when you have facts, not on things you have made up in the head.

I might not be your flavor, but I have been that flavor that many have enjoyed in their lifetime. I might look impossible to you, but that’s because you don’t have the brainpower to figure out how many other ways you could have pleased me; I guess the dick brain is a lot more powerful than the mind that you were supposed to be born.

People should not hate the body that they have blessed. If anyone wants to hate me, hate that I don’t throw my body on anyone. I respect myself enough to know if anyone wants to see my pussy; it needs to be earned, not just given because you throw attention around.

Attention doesn’t using the phrase I love you, for anyone to unwrap my gift. Attention means feeding my mind, soul, and then my body. Be mad at yourself for not having or wanting the capability to get to know you as a person.

Judge me on the fact that I’m not comfortable.
Judge me that I don’t fall for everything because that means I could fall anything.
Judge me that I don’t have to settle for people who see me as an object but as a person.

Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 19, 2021

Challenge, myself, overnight, Real, realistic, Struggles
My Body

Hating our bodies is wrong because we have always been made to believe that our bodies are our temple. Yes, I agree that my body is a temple, so I should respect it; maybe if I had a somewhat working body where I may do more things independently away from getting assistance all the time.
Then maybe I would care a little more about my body the way I should. But, damn, here I go again crying over something no one else or I have control over & that’s my body. I would like to have control over something without asking for help when it comes to my body.
The change goes hand & hand me one day to help myself with little or no assistance from others. It sounds like a dream come true when I find myself thinking & speaking so positively.
But that’s not my reality because it’s not my life at all. My life right now is feeling stuck in the wrong body & there is nothing I can do to change that.
I need to stop being angry with my body.

Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 19, 2021

Breaking, Broken, Damage, Hating, incomplete, myself, split, Stiff, unknown
Disabled on the Street

Disabled people are human beings & as human beings, we have earned the same or little more rights than people on two good legs.
So how come the majority of the homeless people on the streets are disabled?
I believe it’s because no matter how much time passes, people will never give us the spot we deserve in society, and we are too scared to come together and fight for the things we deserve.
The fear of never being heard stops us from moving forward as a disabled community.
So I understand that we delay our progress with such fearful hearts, and we should not complain about things we can’t get, like a shelter, if we don’t speak up for ourselves.
On the other hand, we have some disabled people who speak up for their rights, and we still find ourselves being under-minded because of our disabilities.
I’m disabled
My disability is cerebral palsy.
My disability isn’t a disease anyone can catch by saying hello or hugging someone.
My cerebral palsy happened during childbirth; my brother and I lost oxygen to some parts of our brain, which is one of the reasons he and I use wheelchairs to get around.
My wheelchair extends my body and everyday activities, but it doesn’t define who I am.
As a person, I can think and speak for myself. However, if people stop fearing the unknown about the disabled community, most of us can work together to be seen and heard by others.
I’m disabled, and I’m here to stay.

Ms. Butterfly🇩🇴

August 19, 2021

Alone, Challenge, Difficulties, homeless, laws, Struggles, Unable
Unapologetic

I’ve never claimed to be a professional writer, but I love what I do because it gives me an outlet, as I said in my previous videos. Maybe some of the things I talk about making people uncomfortable, or they might find it funny and ask themselves why I would talk about it online.

I’m not going to shame myself for anything I want to speak about on my blog. My blog has been a space for me to share my feelings and the things I live every day in my life.
I made a conscious decision to share my life on my blog, knowing that some people would be uncomfortable with the things I speak.
Still, I am so far from trying to make people feel comfortable with the things I write about and what I want to talk
.I’m never going to apologize for being me and being raw and honest. What I talk about on my blog is real, so I’m going to be unapologetic for what I say. I’m not ashamed of talking about sex people have sex all the time and with whoever they want to, so why should I be ashamed of talking about not being fuckable or fuckable, for that matter.

I’m a woman just like any other woman; the only thing is that I use a chair to get around in the world while everyone else gets around on two legs, and I get my ass wiped by other people. But, of course, others can clean their ass; that’s why people can’t imagine me being sexually active. Still, I hate to shock people.
I have been sexually active before in my life, so I don’t understand why I can’t talk about sex when I have been sexually active.
Is the reason why I can’t speak about it because I’m doing it on a public platform that everyone can see what I’m talking I know what I signed up for in one of my videos when I decide to put a blog together. I understood that not many people would be comfortable with a particular constant I would put up like sex, but I’m not here to make anyone comfortable I’m here to speak my truth and share my story and share my life. So whether people agree with it or not, I’m not going to apologize for being raw and honest. My blog does not have to be everybody’s cup of tea, but it is what it is, and I am who I am. I’m a woman with a lot of needs. One of those is sexual needs.

When I write is because I feel the need to get my feelings out, and the fact that I choose to share on the blog is because I want people to see and relate to me on a whole different level besides me being the girl in the wheelchair that has nothing else better to do with her time.

What I would love for people to take away from my blog is I have a physical disability. However, I will never allow my disability to define who I am and how far I get in life because of it.

Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 19, 2021

Challenge, expression, myself, People, sorry, Stories, Strength
Muscular walls

Even the most muscular walls have ways of breaking down.

I’ve always been loved as a strong person because I don’t let things bother me or affect most people. Today was a story for the history books.

For the first time, I had no idea how to be strong or if I could be substantial.
My body is damaged, and I’ve always looked at my body as a prison. So I’ve been doing 39 life.

My body has never worked in my favor; I’ve never allowed my limitation to dictate who, when, and how I get through life.

I’ve never seen my disability as an actual disability but as an ability to teach other people and push myself to do things that I thought could never be possible because of the label that disability holds.

Yes, I knew sooner or later things would slow down for me, but what I am living now feels like somebody just hit the brakes Without giving me a second thought.
My reality is I can’t be who I used to be because I don’t have the same support I once had for me to be who I use to be.

Now my life revolves around other people’s free time or the availability to feel like myself again.

I was not crying out of sadness, more or less out of frustration that I can do for myself the way I would like to do for myself.

I know many people reading this or listening would be like, why would I be frustrated that my body cannot do the things I want to do when I lived this way for 39 years. But it’s frustrating to know that my reality is that I’m going to be doing a life sentence that, no matter how much or how little of prepared for it, I’ve never been ready.

As my walls were breaking in front of my eyes, he was there to watch me break down and listen to me when I felt more alone than ever.

It was challenging to be vulnerable uncontrollably, but it was amazing to see him being so concerned and being that shoulder I needed it.

It’s funny how life works itself out. I would never catch myself dead being vulnerable with him because I always thought that being vulnerable would be too much for him to handle.

It took me 39 years to figure out that if you consider Your life partner, your real-life partner vulnerability should be expected and wanted it.

I guess every lesson has a purpose and every purpose has a task. Being trapped has forced me to do a lot of reflecting on friendships, relationships, and family. And the biggest thing I’ve gotten out of all of us is that if you don’t show your vulnerable side, how can people understand or know what you need or desire to have.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 19, 2021

find, found, mentally, progress, strong
Failing System

I’m living on a system that is failing me every single day that goes by.
By telling me that as much as I am fighting for my independence, I will never have it because all I am to this system is money in someone’s pockets.
The system is clueless on what it takes to be me.

Every day brings a lot of planning; it will never be me jumping out of bed getting my day started without syncing my schedule with someone else to ensure that everything I have planned is okay and will get done.

My caregivers become everything my body can’t become for me.
So I don’t particularly appreciate when the system tells these women what they can and cannot do for me because if I solely depend on myself, I would not need the services for my everyday living.

I don’t think anyone has the right to tell someone who requires home care what exactly they need unless they live their everyday life.

Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 19, 2021

Challenge, myself, Strength, Struggles
Untimely

How does she stop being a burden to others? I don’t want to be a burden, and I don’t even want to feel like a burden, but I do. I’m not sure if people understand how much I hate depending on others for every little thing that I desire to do independently.

I’ve always seen my disability as a fantastic thing because it has made me strong in many ways; in other ways, it makes me hate it because I know I can’t, and I won’t ever be able to take care of myself 100%. Still, it’s made me strong because it made me more determined to prove that anything and everything is possible no matter how we come into this world.

The back-and-forth about me not being a good advocate for myself is genuinely I wouldn’t say I like because I speak up for myself. Is it my fault that no one is listening?

It’s easy for people to say you need to learn how to advocate for yourself. Those people are telling me I should become a better advocate for myself. But, unfortunately, I Will never genuinely understand my struggle or understand how to prove that I need certain things to live.

For 39 years and 365 days a year, I always depend on someone for everyday tasks or just a simple shower. Whatever it is, I am dependent on someone, not myself. It’s difficult for me to comprehend that I still can’t go to the bathroom independently. What I found more challenging to understand is that despite my limitation of overcoming a lot of bullshit, whether people want to believe me or not, I fight for the things I believe in myself. I can honestly say but I hate the prison that I live in, which is my body. I hate knowing and understanding, but as long as I have air in my lungs, I will have to rely on someone for my regular care that privacy that I’m so desperate to find. I will never have because I need someone with me at all times. I’m not writing this so people can feel sorry for me.
I’m writing this because I need people to know that despite my disability, I am a person who goes through ups and downs, which have bad days and good days. Still, make it through those days because I know there is something worth fighting for at the end of the day, and that’s me, but if anyone feels like I’m not fighting enough for myself, then fuck you. I’m doing the best I can with what I know and how I know speak for myself.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 19, 2021

Broken, Challenge, misunderstandings, Struggles
Independence

Everyone with a disability looks for independence in many different ways.
One way I am looking for my freedom is by having my place where I can call home.
It’s hard for someone with a disability to find a place to call home because many apartments are not build up for people with different abilities.

That shows how little we matter to a world that doesn’t work except indifference from others.
No matter what the world feels or thinks, we belong just like everyone else.

Many people might think, why would you want to live on your own if you need so much help, but why wouldn’t you? I deserve the chance that everyone gets as they get older; they want to leave the nest, and I’m almost 40, so it’s time.
To leave the nest & discover newfound freedom for me.

My chair should not define my independence; I should do what my heart desires as long as I want for myself.

Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 19, 2021

belong, discovering, do it, freedom, knowing, knowledge, Stop
The Grip Is Tight

I live in a place where everything gets done for me from the time I open my eyes until I close my eyes to sleep.

Many people reading this would be like, I am living the life many wish they could live.

I only complain about my life because I have a beautiful mother who does not mind doing anything and everything for me.

She feels that no one else will carry the cross of caring for me.

I believe it’s time for my mother to stop carrying the cross of caring for me and allow me to show her that I can care for myself despite my disability.

I have always known and understood that my disability is going to be a part of my life.

I wish everyone could be more relaxed with the terms of my disability.

I don’t fear my disability because even though I am limited in many physical ways, I know I have other abilities in other ways.

As much as I love my mom, I need to be honest with myself, and I guess the rest of the world; she has hurt me by always keeping me sheltered and still making me feel that I could never be on my own because of my disability.

I have never believed that my disability could ever stop me from doing anything my heart desires, even though she has tried to put fear in my heart about being on my own.

I know that it will not be easy to be on my own, but nothing anyone wants should come easy to have.

I desire my own life despite my disability; unfortunately, she struggles to give my own life because of my body’s physical limitation on my life.

My limitations do not mean I should not have my own life. On the contrary, that means that I should fight harder for myself and not allow my limits to speak for me.

It would be wonderful if she could support me and not struggle so much to accept me the way I am.
As the new year comes in, I will stop talking about what I would like and do it even though I know I will break her in half. I know if I don’t break away from it, I will never be seen as anything more than just a disabled female & I know I am so much more than just that. But how can I be seen as more? When everyone is busy pointing to my limitations.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 19, 2021

believe, Cerebral palsy, exploring, Health, Marked, possible, reach, reasons, scared, Struggles, touvh
Determination

Someone asked me am I completely comfortable with who I am? Honestly, I always find myself saying yes because I know that’s what people expect me to say, but I struggle, in all honesty.
I struggle with the ability to be comfortable with myself because my family, in a lot of ways, has never made me feel like they are satisfied with the way I am as far as my disability goes.

I’m not trying to turn this into a bashing session for my family because I know I wouldn’t be anywhere if it wasn’t for them.
Still, I also have some intense struggles because of how they choose to throw things back in my face because I need them more than they could ever possibly need me in any way.
Whenever people talk to me or see me on the street, I know they must think, wow, she is well put together.
That’s because of the family and how her family makes her feel as normal as possible despite her disability. Still, I have a big secret; I know how to fake a smile when needed it.
The only way I am truly comfortable with myself is when I’m around my girlfriends, and writing is number one because I can be myself without being judged or criticized for something I can’t do myself.

Yes, I’ve indeed been disabled all my life, so there’s no way I should not be comfortable with who I am and what I am. However, I’m almost 40 years old.

I should be there already with comfort, but I’m not because I wish I could physically do a lot more for myself. Still, I’m also very grateful for my disability because of it; I have something to say and the determination to live every day to the fullest, whatever every day looks like to the world.
My everyday life is full of struggles and a lot of determination to make it through the day with a smile on my face.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 19, 2021

Cerebral palsy, myself, Strength, Struggles, Teachable
I rolled in my wheelchair

To understand how someone lives, you have to live in their shoes before passing judgment on their lives.
Everyone thinks that I don’t worry about everything because I have around-the-clock care. After all, it is taken care of.
That is far from the truth.
One of my biggest worries is when my aide doesn’t come to work because the whole day is incomplete. After all, I struggle to find a way to manage my day without proper help.
Yes, I live at home with my mom, but she is a woman up in age, and she can’t do the things that she once was able to do for me.
Don’t get me wrong; she’s still my superwomen in many ways because she is still holding me down as a mother should, and there’s nothing better than knowing a mom is holding things down, and she is going to be there for her child no matter what.

My care requires a lot more than her body and age can handle, such as:

getting out of bed.
I am getting lifted into my chair.
I am getting into the shower and getting washed up.
Then getting into my adult pull-ups because my mom is no longer able to lift me onto the toilet, so I have to use adult pull-ups when my aides go home.
If I don’t go out, I get placed in pajamas all day long because it makes no sense to wear clothes at home.
I get up to brush my teeth as well as my hair.
Then I go back into bed to get into my back brace, which I’ve been in most of the day until my aids get ready to go home.
I’m not a breakfast person, but there are times that I need help with feeding. My aides help me with that as well.

That’s why I struggle with people who take their life for granted and what they can do for themselves or are not motivated to do things for themselves because the things I just listed that I get to help me I wish I could do on my own.

Don’t get me wrong; I’ve been blessed to have the same person for the last 28 to 29 years of my life, so she knows me better than anybody else, and she loves me like if I was her child, but there’s not one day that I don’t wish I could do those things on my own, but that was in the card I was dealt.

Despite all my limitations, I’ve been able to live a whole life but with many adjustments just because of my burden. Only the Strong can survive, and I’m a survivor despite my limitation; my name will be out there as a writer And anything else I want to do with my life.
My life is only difficult when I choose to make it difficult for myself, but in all reality, my life is just like everyone else’s life. I live it very differently from everyone else.
Ms.Butterfly Genesis🇩🇴

August 18, 2021

Challenge, myself, Real, Struggles
Breonna Taylor

She is Breonna Taylor, a black woman who had no idea that the last time she went to bed would be the last time she would be alive.
She went to bed, not knowing that she would be murdered. Breonna Taylor is and should not be just a name.

She should be a moment for change and responsibilities for those who killed her life as an animal.

I believe her only crime was being a woman of Color who was sleeping in the home.

She was murdered in her home and those who took her life because they had the power to. Get a slapped on the wrist because of who they are and the Color that covers their skin.

All lives matter, We as a country need to stop dividing ourselves into these individual groups that show one group matters more than the other groups.
We should stop losing lives and start fighting for lives.

Her name is Breonna Taylor, and she matters.

Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 18, 2021

death, history, justice, laws, Lives
Colorists

If people asked me how I see myself, I would have to say I see myself as a human being; my skin color should not define.

It’s sad and difficult to believe that as a country, we are still being looked at by the color of our skin and nothing more, and what’s even worse is that sometimes even the color of your skin doesn’t matter.

What matters is someone needs to get the job done, and as long as it gets done, no lives matter.

Wrong is wrong no matter how anyone tries to paint it; it’s wrong to be looked at just by someone’s skin color and not being looked at as a human being but as an animal because of the color of your skin.

We as a country have fought long and hard, so we as people could and would not be looked down on upon our skin color or because we are minorities in this country.

It seems as if we have forgotten the struggles that we have gone through to be seen as human beings and nothing more because now we are seriously digressing back to colorism instead of just being human beings to one another.

Color is not who I am.
Color only covers my body, but it does not define who I am or who I should be in this world.
My color means strength, not discrimination.

Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 18, 2021
Reliving

I saw what I wanted to see.
I felt things that I never thought I could feel again.
The best feeling I have been able to feel in a long time is that school girl crush.
I could smile without someone making me feel like I should not be.
Texting for hours gave me a reason never to go to sleep because the moment I allowed my eyes to close, I would miss something that could be important.
Worked days seem longer than ever.
I could not wait to see messages that would bring butterflies to my stomach.

Even with all the beautiful things that he has to make me feel incredible unique unforgettable came a lot of resentment and many unsolved problems that always have a way of sneaking in but never sneaking back out.

I guess it’s true what people say you fight the most with the people you love, but then again, you have to know within yourself when it’s time to say goodbye to the one love you could never see yourself without me just because we are afraid to see love turn into hate.

Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 18, 2021

Challenge, expression, Love, myself, Strength, Struggles, women’s
Heart Giveway

Someone, please give her the cure for love.
She is desperate to find a cure to love because if she doesn’t try and find a cure for this damn thing called love, she will die a slow death over having no remedy for love.
Love can and should be a fantastic thing when people are in it for the right reasons.
The only way love can become painful is to make the right choices on who they give their heart to.
So the people’s defense is they don’t get to choose who they’re going to give their heart away to their heart’s do the choosing for them.
Granted, verbal, we have to say yes, but if our hearts don’t tell us what to say, we wouldn’t have any way to respond.
Our hearts choose what we follow because many believe that our spirit will never lead us in the wrong direction.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 18, 2021

happiness, Love, possibilities
Resurface

She prayed for many years for the ability to make peace with a part of her life.
She felt that she would never make peace with it because it was never the right time or place in her life.

When she least expected it, her prayer of making peace came true because that part of her life that she desperately needed to make peace with came looking for her instead of looking for it and trying to make peace with it herself as always.

Making peace means revisiting old wounds, Forget-given but not forgotten. As she looks for peace, other emotions that have been buried for years accidentally resurfaced.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 18, 2021

Love, myself, Relationship, Strength, Struggles
You better

You better tell her that you love me.
You better tell her the nights you don’t come home is because you are home with me.
She needs to know that karma is slapping her in the face like it once did me.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 18, 2021

Learning, long-term, required, space, speak
No guarantees

I want to love.
I want to make sure that you will be there to catch me if I fall in love.
When we take the chance to fall in love, there’s no guarantee that there will be someone there to catch you when you fall, but when you have suffered so many heartbreaks, People begin to look for some validation that they’re not alone in falling in love.
Nothing in life has been guaranteed, but we have to be willing to fake until we find a way to make it.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 18, 2021

Challenge, Love, myself, powerful, Struggles
Partnership

She wants a partner.
She wants a partner that she can grow with and know that she can be herself.
She wants a partner that shares the same common goal as a Couple.
She wants an encouraging partner to see the best in her when she can’t see in herself.
She wants a partner to love and fight with and knows that everything does not have to be perfect.
What might work for others might not work for us, and that’s what partnership is all about.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis🇩🇴

August 18, 2021
The Cover-up

Love is patient.
Love is understanding.
Love is growing together and becoming one.
Love is fighting and knowing when it’s time to let go.
Love is a four-letter word that should not be used as a Band-Aid to cover up underneath the surface that abuses the word love.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 18, 2021

Challenge, Love, myself, powerful, Strength
Temporary

Temporary people always find a way to teach you long-term lessons.

Temporary people are not meant to be long-term people, no matter how bad we would like to make them long-term people.

Temporary people can give us what we want for the moments or make us live unforgettable moments that we may never be able to live again because those moments were meant to be lived with those temporary people.

Temporary people are like seasonal weather; they don’t stick around long enough for anyone to get comfortable or get to know them better.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 18, 2021

Challenge, Education, happiness, Strength, Struggles
inter-able relationship

Inter-able relationships are not something people discuss because it’s strange for many to see a disabled person with a non-disabled person.

I have been on both sides of the spectrum of dating non-disabled people and dating people with disabilities.

I could honestly say that I had more stares with the non-disabled person than with a disability like myself.

I’m sorry to say that society was shocked when they would see me with someone walking, and I could only assume that they were shocked.

They probably felt like the non-disabled person was with me because they felt sorry for the girl in the wheelchair.

It’s like saying the girl in the wheelchair shouldn’t or couldn’t pick up an able body guy without saying it.

Who or why would someone bother with the girl in the wheelchair.

The most insulting thing to me was other women not acknowledging me as another partner because of my wheelchair.

Opposites attract, and people can see beyond on the chair, and love can unconditionally love.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis🇩🇴

August 18, 2021

Education, learn, Love, Normal, People
Unattractive

Let me start by saying I’m not a relationship expert, but I was having a conversation with one of my girlfriends, and she inspired me to put this piece together.

Just remember what I said in the first line; I’m not a relationship expert.

I’ve been in good and bad relationships to know that no matter how much a woman can love a man more than anything else in the world, that still won’t be enough to keep him.

As women, we become so consumed in relationships with men that we forget about our own identities and the things that made us happy before we became a unit.

As women, we also try to be the man in everything possible, so they feel catered to.

No matter how much we want to cater to them, there are no guarantees that that man will be your be-all, just like a woman wants, a man to be her be-all as well.

Like I’ve said many times before, I’ve been married before.

One of the main things that I learned being married is I was trying to be his superwoman by taking care of things that we should have been doing together because we were supposed to be a unit.

I guess I never pushed him to take on a husband’s role because I did not want to seem weak.

I made it seem like I had everything under control because I wanted to keep him happy.

Still, I did more damage than good because I wasn’t honest with him by letting him know that I couldn’t do everything myself that I needed his help.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that everyone comes into your life for a season, and with the purpose, whatever purpose that is, it’s up to that person to find out and determine if that person is willing to stick around find out what the purpose was.

I continuously tell my girlfriends that they need to love themselves before love can find them.

My divorce taught me how strong I was as a woman and as a person. But, of course, that divorce alone was hell.

I never thought that I would make it through it. But, I did, and I became a stronger person because of it.

Of course, people hate when I thank my ex-husband for filing for divorce.

Still, I thank him because, going through such a traumatic divorce, I learned that the one person I could rely on always was me because everybody else was busy saying I told you so while my heart was breaking.

If I could have a moment of honesty, I honestly didn’t think I could make it through that and still want to find love or allow love to see me.

Love found me, but I had no idea how to appreciate it until I no longer had it.

Being single for two years has taught me that I can’t lose focus when I’m in a relationship with anyone.

I am at my happiest right now because I’m doing things I never thought I would do.

Even though I might not have all the recognition I desire to have, I am at my happiest right now because I’m doing things I never thought I would be doing.

The stuff I have going on with myself right now might not be essential to people, and they might not believe in me, but I believe in me.

I am my main focus right now, but I’m not going to close the door on love.

If love happens to find me again, I would be willing to listen and do many things differently, but the main thing I would do differently is no forget about me and things that make me happy, whether my partners believe in me.

Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 18, 2021

happiness, Love, powerful, women’s
Love

I wish I could run, but where would I hide.
I would love to hide from my heart because my heart has the bad habit of playing tricks on me.
I don’t want tricks because it’s difficult to see the magic in love when love has a hard time showing its true self to me to give my all to love.
It’s terrifying to know the love has so much power over people, but it’s so rewarding to know that someone out there is willing to take the same adventure that you are as long as we do it fearlessly and with no doubt.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 18, 2021

Challenge, Love, myself, Strength
Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is the date of showing love to that special someone in your life.

No one should need a day like Valentine’s Day to say I love you to someone or need such a date to show people how you feel about them.

Every Day is a chance for someone to tell that person that they love them as long as they’re here on earth; even after they leave, this earth that loved one should know that we still love them.

Don’t get me wrong; I’ve always been the type of person to be into special days like Valentine’s Day and any other holiday, even though Valentine’s Day is not a holiday.

Any day they can get me spoiled, especially Valentine’s Day. I’m all for it because that one time in the year that, as women, we feel unique and catered to by the man that loves us.

I should say I love you without having to have a special occasion like Valentine’s Day to say I love you to someone.

Even when couples go to bed mad, they should say I love you because you never know if that might be the last I love you you hear again.

The state but we’ve been living in as a nation should be able to say I love you with no hesitation because, like I just said, no one has a clue if we’re ever going to hear from our love again.

So let’s not hold onto pettiness and say I love you every chance we get.

Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 18, 2021

expression, happiness, Love, myself, powerful, Strength, Struggles
A Far

I loved as hard as I could.
I also enjoy every moment for what it was, not for what I tried to make it.
I never questioned how far we could have made it if we had done right by each other.
We could have made it farther than those who were waiting for us to fail.
We had nothing to prove to all eyes on us, but we did fail each other with no real excuse. The absolute truth was I was checking for my past instead of reinsuring you that you were everything I wanted and more.
When it’s all said and done, I will always have a love for you, but now I must learn how to love you from afar.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 18, 2021

failed, goes, hearts, learned, Life, matter, Strength, Struggles
flaws

When we decide to make changes in our lives, we have to make sure we are doing it for the right reason, but most importantly, we are doing it for ourselves.

The change should only happen when we need to improve ourselves or see something we might not like ourselves.

We should never change who we are to fit someone’s mounding of who we should be for them. Compromising is a give-and-take situation.

If anyone has to change who they are, then the person they begin to love is not who indeed are, and if anyone is going to love me, they will need to love me for me and all my flaws.

When people can love me for who I am, that’s real love because love is unconditional love.

Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 18, 2021

better me, educated, flaws, Growth, Learning, make up, understanding
Heart

The heart has a mind of its own & no one should ever go against whatever the heart might feel because the heart wants what it wants.

We as people hate being controlled by things & people &; her heart is no exception.

Her head is quick to say no more like nothing, but the real battle is with the heart that struggles to see or feel anything without him.

She feels that without him once again, she will become invisible also because all that she was is now all about him.
She gave her all, not knowing that she would be left alone to figure out who she was without this relationship or this person she lost herself.

An equal playing relationship will never allow either party to lose who they are & the things that they have brought into this relationship. The minute anyone begins to disregard who they are, it’s no longer an equal relationship.

Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 18, 2021

Blind, Choose, desire, Enough, follow, longing, Loved, needed, strong
Open Heart
Invisible

unheard

unseen

unwanted

unneeded

Unloved

These are all the feelings that I feel anytime I feel ignored by anyone around me, or maybe it’s just all in my head.

I’m not looking for sympathy or pity, but I want some acknowledgment that I’m here.

Maybe it’s my fault for feeling how I do because I haven’t allowed anyone to get close to me, or I open up to people as I should.
I have always been scared to open up pandora’s boxes because people have always try to tell me how I should feel and think instead of listening to me.

Everyone has their own opinion about me and things that have happened in my life.

I feel unseen as always more comfortable than being surrounded by people that have made me feel like I should not even be a part of them in any way, shape, or form.
```
 Unwanted, because I've always been the black sheep that has never followed the rules.
```
Unloved because no one can take a minute away from their little world to notice that I’m rolling around like a zombie.

Unneeded because people know how to make me feel like a furniture piece; anyone can move around whenever they feel like it without feeling pain or emotion.

At this point in my life, I know that I should not care about anything that anyone thinks, says, or does, but I am the type of person looking for peace, love, happiness, and acceptance.

It’s invisible because no one sees me, they know who they want me to be, and I have no clue who that might be.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis🇩🇴
August 18, 2021

Challenge, Hate, myself, Struggles
Blind

Blind no more.

I‘m no longer using my heart to see anyone for who they are and their real purpose in my life.

My eyes showed me that the person I have been looking at was a smoking mirror.

I struggled to see through the fog what I thought was real and wanted them to be authentic.

The authenticity never came even when we both said I love you; saying I love you was supposed to be everything, but it was never enough because we both know or understand the word I love you.
Love is no longer going to blind me because I know the power of love.

Ms. Butterfly Genesis🇩🇴

August 18, 2021

Change, Love, Strength
No Settling

She does not confuse the physical relationship with love.

Yes, a physical relationship is a part or should be part of any healthy relationship between a man or a woman.

The most crucial element to any good relationship is love, respect, honor, loyalty, honesty, and friendship.

Without any of these things, it would be challenging to carry on a relationship.

If we lose any of those things that make up a positive relationship, we would need to reevaluate our relationship and who we have become as a person.

Also, understand that relationship evolves, and if we don’t try to evolve along with our relationship, what ends up happening is we grow apart.

Growing apart makes it easier for us s to settle for a physical relationship than having no type of love.

Loving someone else seems so much easier than loving ourselves.

Let’s always remember to love us first and never settling to be that chick who uses sex for love.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 17, 2021
No more love

I don’t want to fall in love.
When I fall in love, I fall in hard.
By loving as hard as I do, I’m able to love him with his scars, even with the broken heart he walked in.
I don’t want to fall in love because I forget who I am anytime I find myself in love.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 17, 2021

Faith, Fighting, Giving up, God, Gone, Hand, Home, Hopeless, mistakes, optimistic, unreal
Testing Love

She Will never know what real love is until she is willing to test it.
Testing love by arguing and knowing that we will be saying I love you by the end.
Testing love is compromising & understand that when we compromise, not one person won over the other, but what it means is their growth within us.
One of the most significant challenges of testing love is when the world feels the need to test the strength of what others think real love should.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 17, 2021

expression, happiness, Love, Love me, myself, self-esteem, Strength, Struggles
Love

I love hard.
I love fearless.
I love with strength.
I love with faithfulness.
I love knowing that love can conquerors all as long as we will put our best foot forward.
Love is used as a band-aid to cover those things we don’t want to show.
If we are not willing to love without conditions, then we can not enjoy it.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 17, 2021

Faith, Love, myself, powerful, Strength, Struggles
Conflicted

My heart hurts always, and the sad part is no one realizes it.

I want to stop mistreating. But I need to stop hurting most of all.

There are so many things causing me pain right now. It’s hard to pinpoint which one is causing me more pain. Is it the fact that he is no longer a part of my life?

Is it that I feel imprisoned in myself, and I am desperate to find a way out of myself?

I need to get out of my way to accept my wrongs before I can make them right.

I would love to believe that the only thing I have ever done wrong is love people that have no clue how to love me back or that I love way too hard.

Right now, it might just be all in my head, but I believe people believe the worst when I have a gold heart. But, still, it’s complex or challenging for anyone to see that because of all the pain that I’ve caused people around me and the fact that people don’t have a problem understanding me like crazy.

I can’t blame them because that’s the only thing that I have shown people. After all, I’ve so many times it’s so much easier for me to show them that other side of me. Instead of showing them that woman with a heart of gold.

I love someone no one will ever approve of or want around, and I’m OK with that because it is my choice to live my life.

They are far from perfect and very strong-tempered.
But they don’t give a fuck what the world thinks of them or even what I think of them either.
I sometimes wish people could see past their macho attitude and realize they are very passionate, loving sexual beings, making it very difficult for anyone not to share their lives with them.
They might not be as forgiving as I would like them to be, but they give themselves to whoever needs them with no questions asked.

Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 17, 2021

Love, process, progress, stagess, stairs, Struggles, understanding
The Gift

The most fantastic part of any woman is how she can use her body to bring new life into this crazy
world that we are all a part of.

What has been bugging me about being a life-givers is that we as woman don’t appreciate the fact
that God blessed us as a woman to have the ability to use our bodies for human life.

Sometimes as woman, we can be selfish and think about being a woman before being a mom to
another human being.

Giving birth to another human is the most incredible thing that a woman could do.
I was a woman who desires to be a mom one day.

All I bring myself to say is that we should never taken someone life for granted.

I feel like a hypocrite talking about not making a living like a child’s life allowed.

When I laid down and had life ripped out of me because we felt we were not ready to be parents, we
felt prepared to have sex.

I’m guessing the advice I was hoping to get before getting involved in a sexual relationship was that sex
is a huge responsibility that should not be taken lightly because our bodies might be talking two
different languages that our brains are.

Let’s remember that all children are blessed and should not be treated like toys that we can put away
when we don’t feel like playing mommy.

Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 16, 2021

Challenge, Love, Struggles
Mommy & Daddy

Daddy and I always think about who you would’ve been and who you would’ve become.

As long as I have a clear mind, I’m still going to think about the day I decided not to give you life because of my selfish reasons and his maturity.

I always think about if we were ready to take our relationship to an intimate relationship, we should’ve been better prepared for you, but we weren’t.

We were not prepared for you, and thinking about it, I don’t think you would’ve been prepared for us either, but that doesn’t make me feel better about the choices we made when it came to you.

You were human life.

That deserve to live and earned to see what the world had to offer and what we had to provide for you as parents.

To know that I could have you inside of me was crazy because I never thought it was possible, but it was possible.

There’s not a moment that I don’t feel guilty for making the choice that I made without thinking about the outcome and how I would feel as I continue to live my life wonder what if.

I understand as long as I wonder what if I am not really living or along my path to move forward, but I am at a point in my life where I wish I could go back and Choose you Because having you would have meant that anything was possible.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis �

August 16, 2021

Build up, commication, decide, frustrated, incomplete, Love, Strongly, Tough
The Heartbeat

The heartbeat was a gift from God himself.

The heartbeat that would change my life because that’s when I understood a tiny human lived inside
of me.

The moment your heartbeat came through, we became this unbreakable team because we needed
each other from that day forward.

Now that you are here, I can’t believe that I ever questioned if I could be your mom, but as long as I
have you by my side, I know anything is possible, and as time goes on, we will be growing together.

I know we will make mistakes along the way, but I am grateful that you have chosen to be your mom.

Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 16, 2021

Babies, Growth, happiness, Heart, Love, UNCONDITIONAL, unit
Only God Knows

Can we start over?

If we do start over, how do we even know where to begin.

Those questions can & only be answered by God as long as we place our faith in him.

Anytime something happens to alter our lives, trust that God has a lesson that needs him to teach in
his way and help us grow or help understand things that, in other ways, we would not be able to
understand ourselves.

So at this point, God is the only one who knows where and who will join us. Don’t question God, allow
him to do what he does best, and challenge us anytime he blesses us with a brand new day.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis

�

August 16, 2021

ask, Challenge, Faith, Love, powerful, prayers, questioning my faith, Strength, Struggles, true
Religion

Religion is known as the higher power to believe in.

Faith.

Strength.

Peace.

Unconditional love.

Excepting.

Forgiveness.

Understanding.

I don’t have to go into a church to believe in God or know that God is real.

God is everywhere, as long as we believe in him and in his actions.

Please don’t question my faith; God is the only one who can pass judgment on how much I believe in him.

Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 16, 2021

believe, Faith, Gord, trust
ALS IS NOT THE DEATH

No one ever thinks that as they are coming into this world, they could one day find themselves
trapped in their bodies. Entirely depend on others because, unfortunately, every single muscle in
their body begins to deteriorate.

The only thing that stays sharp like a whip is someone’s mind.

ALS is a fuck up disease that takes over the person by trapping them inside themselves.

Muscle is dying while the mind understands everything that is going on around them.

Watching this disease rob the person that has to live with this disability, but it also has the strength
to protect their loved ones agonized waiting on the person they once knew disappear into
themselves.

Anger is one of the many feelings set in with the people, and then the why’s your scenario also
plays a considerable part in trying to play with the hand they have dealt.

But on the other hand, we don’t have time to cry over spilled milk.

Anytime we find ourselves
complaining, it’s a waste of time we should have spent fighting.

As of right now, there is no cure for this disease, but that doesn’t; we should take off our boxing
gloves that continue to rob people every day of something they were able to on their own.

Fight until we find a way to breathe on our own again.

Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 16, 2021

Barrier, Blessed, Bodies, mind, questionable, Strength, Teachable, unexpected, unexplained, Unfair
How many Times

How many of us say that we won’t look back?

Not looking back is because how can anyone grow when we are busy looking back for something we believe is missing.

Missing it because we never got what we deserved from the person we thought we should have arrived.

I guess that’s the main reason we become curious and give ourselves the chance to look back because we don’t want to live with the what if in our lives.

The moment we begin to live out the look back, the curious becomes a feeling of what I’m doing and a feeling of emptiness, looking for a way to fill it by looking back for that one thing we didn’t get the first time around.
M.B.G. �

August 16, 2021

Challenge, happiness, Love, memories, powerful, Strength, thoughtless, unforgettable, women’s, Wondering
Trial & Error

I’ve been going through some changes in myself; a wrong decision has me questioning myself, but I don’t want anybody to pity me because I don’t need anybody to help me.

So I’m going to deal with the hand I was sold.
Unfortunately, trial & Error is something that happens throughout life.
But, to find that special something in life, we must be strong enough to go through trial and Error. Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 16, 2021

blame, Challenge, Game, happiness, powerful, Strength, Struggles, women’s
Body Shaming

Hoe is a disrespectful word.
It’s a word to describe a woman that has no self-respect for themselves.

I’m the complete opposite of a scraper. I respect myself cause I’m not throwing myself to the highest bitterness about getting anything I want.

I define who I’m as a woman.

I believe my clothes and consent of my body I decided what to show doesn’t make me a hoe.

A wheelchair under my ass gets me looked at because, after all, Americans like to pretend like they have not seen someone in a wheelchair.

I choose to show off what God has blessed me with because half the world believes we should not be heard or seen because of our disabilities.

As a disabled woman, I have not always been comfortable with my body.

Still, honestly today, I can say I have slowly become pleased with myself and what my body has become today.
With all that said, I’m not going to hide anymore or allow anyone to body shame me. I did too much body shaming to myself, so enough.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 16, 2021

belong, happiness, Love, myself, powerful, Proud, Sassy, sexy, Strength
I deserve

I know what I deserve.
I deserve respect.
I deserve to be a queen.
I deserve understanding.
I DESERVE YOUR ATTENTION.
I deserve support.
I deserve love.
If you can’t check one of those things on my list, you will not be worthy of my time. So until then, I will continue to feed myself those things on my list until someone is willing to check consent off all the boxes on my list.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis �

August 16, 2021

self care, self love, self pleasure, self worth, self-determination, self-esteem, Self-respect, self-sufficient
Dear Self

She wants to speak for herself through my own words, but no real clue how to do so because she has blocked herself from emotionally feeling anything.

She has become terrified.

To scratch open those feelings can be overwhelming, and who knows if she can handle the aftermath.

She struggles with writing to herself because she has no idea how to open up to herself.

The only thing she can hope for as she sits down with this pen & paper in her hand is that she has a significant breakthrough with herself.

The first thing she would need to tell herself is to stop looking for people’s approval.
The only consent she needs is herself.

To scratch open those feelings can be overwhelming, and who knows if she can handle the aftermath.

She struggles with writing to herself because she has no idea how to open up to herself.

The only thing she can hope for as she sits down with this pen & paper in her hand is that she has a significant breakthrough with herself.

The first thing she would need to tell herself is to stop looking for people’s approval.
The only consent she needs is herself.

To scratch open those feelings can be overwhelming, and who knows if she can handle the aftermath.

She struggles with writing to herself because she has no idea how to open up to herself.

The only thing she can hope for as she sits down with this pen & paper in her hand is that she has a significant breakthrough with herself.

The first thing she would need to tell herself is to stop looking for people’s approval.
The only consent she needs is herself.

How can anyone approve of who and what her options might be if she can’t recommend me as a person?

She shouldn’t hate the body because everyone around her has always found something negative about it.

She knows that she must uplift herself & treat her body like a temple and not abuse it by having a love–hate relationship with food.

She put all the responsibilities of hating her body on others.

However, she also must realize that she has never been strong enough to tell those people to shut the fuck up when they say she is fat.

She smiles and plays it off like it never bothers her. Or take it out on herself by starving herself and throwing up, hoping the pain would go away.

It took her a long time to figure out that she has a horrible relationship with food, which doesn’t hurt them because they never have to go through the motion of hating or starving themselves as she does.

She guesses that for them, it’s a lot easier to say if she would kill herself, go ahead and do it because it’s one less person they need to worry about.

Starving herself has never been the correct answer to her problems, but it’s always been her way of dealing with her pain.

She has always been able to preach to people how they should stand up for themselves and how no one should have the power to bully them.

She is such a pretender because she pretended to be this healthy person who doesn’t allow herself to get intimidated.
When in her heart of hearts, she has constantly been bullied by people and the things they say about her body and her as a person.

Just a smile on her face and pretend that it doesn’t bother her until she finds herself alone with her thoughts & feelings.

Instead of telling them to shut the fuck up, she places a smile like nothing is wrong.

She struggles to stand up for herself because she knows that she is invisible so that no one can see or hear.

Suppose she was going to stand up for herself. She would tell herself it’s not her fault that people feel or see her, and it’s not her job to try and change them.

She needs to accept herself, no matter what anyone might be thinking of her.

Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 16, 2021

Challenge, expression, happiness, myself, postive, powerful, Strength, Struggles
I wish

Whatever you saw in me one day, I wish you could still know that about me.
So I could believe in what we once had just because I don’t want my heart holding on to anything that might not be there.

I want to feel like that woman who caught the man’s eye that she could not stand because he thought he had so much swag.

You need to make me feel like that woman who was able to feel a billion butterflies; the only way she could handle being around him was to look away from him once in a Blue Moon.

So it would not be so apparent that she was into him and that he could have a standing chance if he played his cards right.

The only way she could feel that way was to find it within himself to become that person; my eyes once became glued too.

So I understand that it takes two to go and come back from what we were.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis�

August 16, 2021

Challenge, expression, happiness, lifetime, Love, myself, powerful, Stories, Strength, Struggles
Thank You

Thank You
Thank you for loving me.
Thank you for pulling me apart when you did.
Thank you for allowing me to find the strength within myself that I thought I never had. Because of the man you were in life, I am the woman who I’m today.

The woman I am today is.
Strong
Smart
Independent,
I also understand that falling in love with the idea of being in love is the wrong way to love someone.
Most importantly, I want to thank him for teaching me that I deserve better and that a better person is who I’m today.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis �

August 16, 2021

Blessed, Faith, graceful, gratitude, Power, women’s, words
Inadequate

Wrongdoing
Who has not done them, and the one thing that follows behind that is a big sorry, so only a few days later, the cycle would repeat itself like nothing ever happened.
He was tired of hearing the words I’m sorry, and she was tired of being inadequate.
She was clueless about what else she could be besides being this inadequate person she used to be.
She is used to being inadequate; she could not value a good thing when she had it in front of her face.
She pushed until the word I’m sorry could not be held on to.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis �

August 16, 2021

Band-Aid, Fix, Gone, Missing, not allowing anyone to change who I am
Tough Ties

Our relationship has become like an ocean filled with weaves that keep going up and down.
She got herself pinned against some rocks hoping to try to find a way to unpin herself, but how can she free herself?
How can she attach her heart to any of these weaves that have her pinned against these rocks?
The ruff weaves are hurting my heart, and she needs to break from these robust ties.
Every relationship will have some robust ties, but the real strength behind every sturdy link is how we can get through these ties together.
If we can’t make it together, she wants to break free without too much of a damaged heart.

Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 16, 2021

Build up, Couples, discovering, explore, free, learn, Love me, Strength
What is it going to do for me?

When are others going to think of me?
I have always talked a great game about how I’m a grown-ass woman and always do things my way.
I’m only living my half-truth, and that truth is that I’m grown, but I’m continually thinking of other feelings and happiness.
I ignore my happiness and the things that I need in my life because I hate disappointed everyone around me.
If I’m ever happy with myself, I need to stop being scared, and I can’t please everyone.
I can’t worry about people who won’t give me a second thought at this time in my life.
So I’m going to put myself first.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 16, 2021

Struggles, Stuck, Tired, Trapped
Unhappiness

She understands happiness & love don’t come from a man but her loving herself first.

She also understands that she must value who she is, including all her flaws.

She is unhappy with herself at this point because she is too busy running from herself.

After all, she is scared about what she needs from those around her.

She loves herself because she has a heart of gold.

She loves giving back to everyone.

She loves herself because she knows that she matters while others are busy, making her feel trash.

If she did not have these qualities, how could she love who she is as a person?
She hates that she is a people pleaser.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 16, 2021

Challenge, expression, Love, myself, Strength, Struggles, women’s
Pen & paper

It’s been a while since I have taken pen to paper to say how I feel.

I made it to my 35th birthday with more blessings & love than a girl handle, but I made it.
God heard when I said I was not ready to go anywhere yet.

Every day I open my eyes; it is a struggle, but I have been blessed to open my eyes for another crazy day.

Thirty-five years old & I am still learning about life as the days go by
I didn’t have to ask for anything as I blow out the candles because I am not missing anything in my life for the first time.

I’m whole as a person because I can finally put myself first without feeling guilty that I should go.
Wow, it took me 35 years; that’s oh okay if I care for myself first, but will I ever indeed be understanding?

Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴

August 15, 2021

Challenge, end, happiness, Love, myself, powerful, Truth
The rebirth of Ms. Butterfly

People shut me down, Ms. Butterfly, for a While, not because I’m afraid of losing anything but because I have respect enough not to involve anyone with nothing to do with what he and I use to be.

I swear on everyone I love and loved that the rebirth of Ms. ButterfIy will happen again, and she is coming with a vengeance.

It’s a shame that you have to tear people down to feel good about whatever you want to do with your life, Or you Fear anyone else succeeding over you without using the method you use to stay on top.

If no one wants to hear or read what Ms. Butterfly has to say, they don’t have to support me because that will not kill my writing passion.

Any time anyone has tried to cut my wing is because they are afraid to see what I made of because I’ve never shown what my true colors could be because that is so far away from my character.

I have a passion for words. No matter what anybody feels, that is my passion, and I’m not looking for fame or fortune.

I want to have a place to put my feelings in.

Regardless of who or what tries to hold her down, she understands that she deserves To succeed just like everyone else in the world.

Ms. Butterfly will follow when her time comes, and only God knows when it’s the right time for her to shine, but she is not going to sit back and wait; she’s going to find her shine because she knows that God helps those who help themselves.

The rebirth of Ms. Butterfly will happen because that’s what she wanted, and she knows that that’s what she deserves, and no one will give it to her, so she’s going to take what she deserves.

As the rebirth of Ms. Butterfly, she knows she can’t see what she can’t control; the only thing she knows is she has to continue to be as transparent as she has been through her writing.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis🇩🇴

August 15, 2021

Feelings, I, lifetime, lifting, myself, Writing
Passion, not a job

Blogging is just like home because it’s the only place where I can become one with myself.
When I write, I write from the only real place I have, which is my heart.

Sometimes I fear what will come out of my heart because I know my heart has no filter.

With no filter, I have no control over what comes out; writing to me is authentic as it is, and the only way I can be true to my craft is to be as rough as possible.

Often, I can be too rough, which makes people question my writing ability, and what I mean by that is do I have what it takes to call myself a writer, let alone a blogger.

Truthfully I have always had a passion for words and just writing in general because I feel that’s the only way I know to connect with my feelings and different things going in my life and conversation with my friends.

Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴

August 15, 2021

Can’t, explain, exploring, exposed, won’t
Blogging

I love knowing that I can write my feelings away on paper.

I have never claimed to be a professional writer, but I have a passion for it because it lives in my heart.

When I have a blank sheet of paper, it’s like a place for my heart to open up without judgment.

The judgment of others has always made me question if I should be exposing myself by trying to share pieces of myself with others.
This is not the first time I have tried to put a blog together to have an outlet.

I will be completely blunt; I was told to take down my blog because some people defamed their character.

My blog has always been about what I am going through; the weather is about my struggles with my family, friends, and personal relationship with my exes.

I also expose the struggles I have with myself.

The main one is excepting my body for what it is.

If I genuinely care about what anyone thought, I would shut down because I would not see the purpose of being me if I could not write anymore.

I’m not trying to hurt anyone, but I don’t want to be a cookie-cutter writer who paints pretty pictures when that’s not always the truth.

Life is real.
I’m real as well & I am not going to apologize for that.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴

August 15, 2021

Challenge, Family, Love, powerful, Searching, women’s
Non-verbal

When I write, people know about me because I speak about things I’ve gone through and have conversations with people who inspire me to write the things I put together.

I’m not ashamed of anything I’ve ever posted because it comes from within me, not anyone else.

I may not always write correctly, but I do let out what I have been holding in because I have never bothered to learn how to express myself verbally or just never wanted to learn how to express myself verbally.

Writing has always been a joy and will always be a piece of me floating around somewhere on a piece of paper that someone might run into.

I‘m not going to apologize for anything I’ve ever allowed anyone to see or read because every single piece I’ve put together, as I said at the beginning, has been a piece of my life or a simple conversation that might have happened between me and someone.

I never imagined that speaking from the heart meant that I could be bashing someone’s character, and I’m so far from that I don’t believe in breaking anyone down or making them feel less than to make myself feel better about myself.

I know who I am, and I might not go far with my blog, but it gives me a sense of purpose and meaning, and gratitude to those interested in reading what I have to say.

My dream and passion have always been writing, and that’s all that is to me. Oh yeah, I’m 39. I was born with a disability called cerebral palsy, which means I did not get enough oxygen during birth.

That’s why I use a motorized wheelchair to live my day-to-day life. My primary caregiver is my mom, but I also have personal aids that come eight hours a day, seven days a week; if it weren’t for them, I would not do my basic tasks without my team of people.

Ms.Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴

August 15, 2021

complete, expression, happiness, Home, identity, Joy, myself
Who is a writer?

Who is a writer?

What makes someone a real writer?

Is someone who has been writing for years?

Is someone who has made it on the bestseller list?

Please don’t tell me I am not a writer because people have never seen any of the words I have put my heart into published anywhere important.

Please don’t tell me I am not a writer because I misspell words, or sometimes as people are reading my stuff, they realize I miss a word or two.

Who I am is a writer & one of the most important things that make me believe that I am a great writer is I can strip myself from the layers that protect who I am.

When I have a blank piece of paper in front of me, I don’t have to be scared of what comes out because whatever shows up on this piece of writing is mine, and no one is allowed to take my words from me.

I am a writer because I have a passion and desire for words.

Just no one believes in me as a writer.

I believe in who I am, which is a writer for myself.

Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴

August 14, 2021

expression, Life, Love, powerful
Just Me

Hi, my name is Erika M. Santana
My brother & I were born on 09/04/81

Besides being the youngest of four older siblings, we were born with cerebral palsy, which meant that our brain didn‘t get enough oxygen to many different parts of our minds during childbirth.

I have always been told that I was the most vigorous twin out of my brother & me because I didn’t need so many machines to keep me alive; unlike my brother, he needed a lot more assistance keeping himself in check. Anyone reading this must keep in mind that my twin and I were born at two a half pounds each.

As our life counties, I realized that I wasn’t the strongest out of the twins anymore, and our family is from a different country from the United States; our family did the best they could do with our disability.

Whatever else was unfamiliar to us as a family, we tried our very best to learn as we kept going so our family could make the right decisions for my brother and me.

This is me

I‘m someone who needs someone from the time my eyes pop open for the simple things that most people take for granted: getting up and getting into my wheelchair alone.

I entered the bathroom and washed my Purse because my hands were not strong enough to scrub her down the way she deserves. Imagine a grown-assertion doing number# two and then having someone wiping them because they can’t do themselves in life. That’s only a tiny part of my crazy life.

Dressing me is a lot of fun, too, because the only thing I can do is decide what I’m going to wear, while others get me dressed as if I was a newborn. Yes, I can brush my teeth and food myself, depending on my hands themselves.

I want people to understand that I’m not too fond of the relationship I have with food because if I get fat, no one will want to help me if I allow myself to enjoy eating the way everyone else does.

Food is a control thing for me. After all, it’s the only thing I can decide because everything else in my life is a dictatorship.

Now that I have listed all my crazy negatives, let me see if I can list some positive things that I can or have done for myself.
I‘m smart and not afraid to learn new things, whether in a book or life.

I love opening myself on paper if my sentence structure can sometimes make no sense because missing words is a lot of the time. After all, my head can be a little faster than my hands.

I have also managed to fall head over heels in love with some fantastic people who have taught me so much about myself.

Despite my physical limitations, I engaged in my first sexual experience at 21 with someone who saw me as a person, not my chair.

I also had the willpower to become someone’s wife, even though the whole world was against my decision because my marriage was going to fail. Of course, people will assume I regret my decision with a failed marriage, but I don’t because I did it myself.

My limitations have never defined me because I know I am more than the wheels I use as my legs. I’m a human being first.

Ms. Butterfly Genesis

August 14, 2021

Cerebral palsy, Challenge, lifetime, Strength, Struggles, women’s