The word value is a strong word.
When I think of the word value, I can’t help but also of the word reflection.
Someone or something loses value when we no longer have it be a part of our lives.
When we could longer see feeling it, or even smell, we value those we had in our lives.
It’s difficult to value the unvalued because we are too busy being too greedy.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
Don’t blame anyone for not reach your goal.
Anytime you blame someone for your failure, you become powerless, don’t become Powerless by hand over your power to anyone.
Gain power by doing things that make you whole as a person.
If you allow failure to come knocking on your door is because you choose not to fight and give in to the contrary, people would try to push on you.
Power is strength.
Power is Knowledge.
Power is understanding that none can take anything away unless you decide to give it away.
Power is believing in oneself when everyone else is full of rejections.
Power is who I’m, and I refuse to give up on who I’m.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
It’s true what people say, everything in life happens for a reason & we must hit rock bottom before we can realize our value as a person.
I had to hit rock bottom to realize that I need to stop using my relationship with men to define my life.
Don’t get me wrong, all my relationships have been meaningful in my life, but they shouldn’t have become my whole life.
There is more to me than my failed marriage that everyone keeps throwing at me.
I am someone who fights every day of my life to live a healthy life, just like everyone else around me. Yes, I have done things that I am not proud of, but I am still trying to keep going like nothing is wrong.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis🇩🇴
I have no control over my body because my disability does not allow my ability to shine through.
Other people have control over my body, so I decided to control what I put in my mouth.
That’s when that demon that I had no idea was living inside of me or how quickly it was going to take control of me, just like everything else in my life.
The demon was food. I was looked at food as my biggest inner struggle with myself because I understood mentally I needed to live, but physically, I had other thoughts on how my body should look.
Control, to me, is a powerful thing for me, and food was that power my body could not give to me. So I began starving myself, hoping and praying as I’m physically harming myself. I could finally disappear so I could stop listening to others calling me fat or just not seeing myself in a positive light because of how I have been conditioned throughout my life.
Today I look healthy, but mentally I struggle to see the person looking back at me because I’m not too fond of the body I’m in.
In many ways, I’m conflicted because part of me feels like if I were not in this organization, I would not be pushing myself this hard to prove that my disability has been my ability to do the impossible. The other side of me feels like I would rather not be here because I am in prison in my own body.
No magic dust can or will ever make me a 100% percent cure, but at least I know I can’t allow my dark side to win.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
I don’t want to look back because that might be blurring my future.
I don’t want to look back because I leave the door to relive something ugly that never builds me up but was strong enough to break me down.
Looking back has left me questioning if I can see a future with my future person when I am busy holding on to a past that doesn’t want me.
I have always heard that if people can glaze at their history once in a blue, I would never appreciate the person who was supposed to be my future, but it can’t be because I’m stuck in my past.
How can I not be expected to look back when everything I choose to put myself through has made me the woman I am today, someone reliable, and won’t settle for anything less than what she deserves?
Holding on to my past has left a crazy taste in my future even worse; it has left my lot second-guessing myself if I could have been that person.
Honest to god, I believe that I could have been that person if I could have been truthful with myself and my future. But, instead, I struggle with accuracy and letting go because letting go no return is the biggest struggle because I have to deal with things that I have never wanted to deal with.
If I could be myself with my future, I could have had that unconditional love that everyone dreams of.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Believe in you will achieve is a great quote that everyone should live by.
Instead, we continuously listen to those who tell us we can’t or shouldn’t do those things because it will never happen.
We live in a country where we feel like we need everybody’s approval before moving forward in our goals and dreams, but in reality, we don’t require anyone’s approval but our approval.
If we sit back and wait on someone to say, go ahead and do it because I believe in you, we will never know what we are made of because we’re waiting for someone to tell us it’s OK to go after our dreams.
It’s our dreams, so why should we wait on people to tell us it’s OK to go after them when they don’t share our objectives.
I could only speak personally on my behalf and nobody else’s behalf.
I use the fact that people always say no to me as the motivation to keep going, not to prove anything to them but to prove to myself that I can and should do what I believe in.
One day I pray to make believers out of those who never have and will never believe in me and my abilities.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Right place.
Right person because they can make you feel butterflies.
It’s just like wow, but sometimes we need more than just wow.
To know what’s real and not a figure of our Imagination.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I don’t know how to reach out to him without making him feel like I’m pushing.
I don’t know how to make him feel like it’s okay to allow someone in.
Despite all the pain he might be going through, he doesn’t need to go through it alone.
I don’t know how to get proper to those steel walls he has developed in his heart.
I don’t know the hell I can help him when in all honesty, I can’t even help myself on a day like today, but I understand he’s going through it with a lot more unexplained and identify emotions.
I don’t want to push and pride, but if I don’t, I feel like I will never see the old him again because he has allowed his emotions to continue to swallow him up the way they have for the last couple of years.
I don’t know if I will never see him, and what is scary to me is that I had not seen the old him longer than this before all of this happened.
I understand that everyone has a different way of dealing with things, and I’m cool with that, but when it comes to him, I would love to have the ability to get inside his head or at least inside his soul.
So I may comprehend a little bit better what he has been going through for the last couple of years.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Broken glasses finally help me see what I could not see before because anytime I look at the people around me, I would use my heart or look the other way.
I no longer want to be the type of person that doesn’t see clearly because of my broken glasses.
I want to see those things that so many people have to beg me, but honestly, I have not to force myself to see my truth just because I have always wanted to hold on to imagine I have built in my heart.
Is knowing who I am.
I am not caring what anybody thinks about me because I refuse to live for anyone else but myself.
Becoming myself understands that God created me the way he did because he knows there would not be anyone else like me.
Becoming myself Is excepting all the parts with me, even the parts that I hate about myself.
Becoming myself has always been something that I struggle with. After all, I don’t know what I am like because I always try to please everyone around me and what people expect of me, so I never really got a chance to be myself.
She is captive in the mold.
Hoping to one day break free and reclaim what she knew one day was mine.
She is deathly afraid to see and feel things. She thought she could only handle one time in my life.
The reality of things is that the main things she is run away from are those things that keep her coming back to the same place.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I wear many hats.
I wear the hat of being a daughter.
I wear the hat of being a sister.
I wear the hat of being a granddaughter.
I also wear the of being an auntie.
All the different hats have meant the world to me because I have learned so much about myself & the type of person I’m.
I am not disabled; I can do things differently.
I am also a dreamer.
I am a believer.
I am optimistic.
I have been a best friend.
I’ve been a girlfriend.
I have been a fiancé.
I’ve been a wife.
I’ve been a lover.
I’ve been a mistress.
I’ve also been an ex-wife.
No matter what label anyone in the world wants to see me under, I’ve always held my head up high because I have become a healthy person with each label I have come upon, and I have learned that I need to be so gullible.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Women are amazing creatures.
Powerful.
Givers of life.
Mother’s
nurturers
Businesswomen and entrepreneurs.
Go, Geter.
Smart.
Beautiful.
As women for many years, we’ve been told that we should only be allowed to be housewives and mothers. As women for many years, we’ve been told that we should only be allowed to be housewives and mothers.
Today in the year 2021, we as women are more acknowledge and respected; nothing is 100% perfect, but at least we’re being seen as well as heard, and no one can change that. Also, as women, we were ashamed of our sexuality and how wrong it is to show so much. Still, there’s nothing wrong with being sexy and a businesswoman and being a mom and being a housewife; just because I’m a woman does that mean I have earned all these different titles listed.
I am proud to be a woman because I understand our struggle from not being heard or seen. After all, we are women, and now what is a strength? We are dreamers, and we are believers.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I want to be a better version of myself for myself and no one else.
I can become a better version of myself when I accept who I am and what I am despite what people think of me or feel about me.
My past is just that, my history. So I refuse to live there, and I refuse society to put me there again because people can’t let go of who I was or what I was.
I needed to create a pass to look towards my future, and my future is whatever I want it to be, not what anybody else sees it to be all wanted to be for me.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Whatever will be will be.
Things happen with a purpose and a reason, but we don’t have to know why things happen.
Whatever will be will be.
Questioning things won’t make things happen; what will happen is making things happen is wanting them to happen.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I choose myself.
If I don’t have the strength to choose myself, how else can I expect anyone to choose me?
Choosing me means putting all my needs and wants.
Choosing myself worse is knowing and understanding that nobody else’s opinion about me matters.
Choosing myself is understanding the power of my strength and knowing that people’s words should roll off my back.
Choosing Myself is the best gift to me over the thing and everyone else.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
No one ever has to agree on how I feel, but the way I feel is like I am just a painting on the wall that people have no other choice but to pass by on occasions when they need to go in a particular direction.
I am a painting that no one bothers to move or dust off to make sure that I continue to shine through.
I believe artwork in galleries gets more acknowledgment than I do.
I’m supposed to be a part of something, but I’m nowhere close to feeling a part of anything.
No matter what, I’m over the need to be a part of someone; it has never worked.
I don’t know if it’s because I have not put my best foot forward to make things work or people see me as I see myself, and that is a straight Burden.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Broken
Damaged
I am left questioning my purpose or why I decided to share my thoughts with the world.
I feel like I should be embarrassed about sharing my life and other Intimate things with the world.
Honestly, I’m not because I’m no different from someone writing; all tell books about themselves.
I love sharing myself openly, and I hope that someone can relate to me on some level.
Whenever I find myself with the need to put my feelings on paper, it is therapy, and there’s nothing wrong with the treatment; therapy is like a reflection to teachers on what they need to change or what they need to improve on to be a better person.
Writing has helped me be listened to even if people find themselves laughing at my emotions at the end of things.
I have to do with that whatever I have to do so my emotions don’t eat away at me, and the most important thing that I have to hold on to is people’s opinions aren’t going to define what I’m or what I might never be.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Society has no problems putting disabled people in a box because the community we are worthless and lazy, but that is so far from the truth; we have a lot of successful disabled people that don’t get the extensive management they deserve In society.
I’m not going to lie; sometimes, as disabled people, we do not help ourselves when we don’t motivate ourselves to be a part of this society. We just put ourselves in a corner where nobody could see us; that’s why it’s so difficult for people to believe in us and believe in our abilities to be successful in this world.
I am motivated to be someone, but I can’t talk about it.
I have to be about it, but there’s a catch 22 if I try to work or support myself financially. I lose all medical benefits because that to society means I can take care of all my medical necessities; in reality, I’m not able to do.
My medical necessities are through the roof, and it’s not something that I can take care of on my own, and that’s when my medical benefits come into play because they help cover what I can’t hide. After all, I don’t have that type of money.
I should not fear my ability to work because of losing something for me to get gainful employment.
I’m not willing or able to hide my disability, and I won’t because I’m not ashamed of it’s a part of me, but it’s not all me.
I’m not going to allow society to define my abilities or my worth in this world.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I spoke to you that morning that God decided to call you home.
No clue that would be our last conversation because God had plans for you that no longer had to do with the physical world.
Everyone is always prepared to live life, but no one ever prepares us for death or says goodbye to those we love & love us back.
Nowhere in my wildest dreams would I ever thought that the only way I could speak to you, through pen and paper. I can no longer call you or text you doing my little checks in with you and always ask when would you be able to bring me the boys who are now man.
You would laugh tell me they’re not little boys anymore; they were busy being out and about.
My reply to you would always be there, still going to be my babies, no matter how old they became in life.
The only thing that brings a little peace to my heart is that I got the opportunity to see you twice before being called home.
I had this running joke with you I would always say to you, I know I’m never going to see you unless I was off dying somewhere, and you would always reply, don’t say that; you know I love you, and I’ll see you soon.
The thought of not seeing you or not hearing from you again never crossed my mind because I know you were doing everything you could to take care of yourself.
Most importantly, you knew you have five young men that don’t need a mother and that she will never be replaced. You also understood that you meant a lot to your family and everyone you ever came in contact with.
You were more than just family to me; you were also a good friend, and I hope you could see me as a friend.
Happy Birthday, Bighead
Love You.
P.S. It has not gotten any easier
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
A mother is the real backbone of the family.
When anyone loses a mother, it’s like losing a nurturing teacher, unconditional love.
The loss of a mother is always unexplained; we want answers, but we never get them; all we know is that they are no longer physically here with us, and we still need that person to mother us no matter how old we may become.
No matter how much time passes by, she is still going to be needed and wanted. So how am I supposed to cope with the fact that no matter how much we might need her, she is no longer here physically?
The only thing that can bring us peace in knowing that she is no longer in pain and that no matter where she is, she is always with us because we carry her in memories in our hearts with us every day that goes by.
Part of us has never been ready to bury the woman who gave us life, and we’re just trying to figure out how to continue life without her but understanding that she is watching over us.
It should be better than nothing.
No child should be prepared to bury a parent, and no parent should bury a child, but life doesn’t work that way.
For life to continue, we have to lose people we love to make room for new life to come into the world, but what we wouldn’t do for one last hug or to hear I love you.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
The bright light she is makes today not so much a nightmare but a true shining light.
The light that gives me strength when I’m beginning to have a weak moment.
She is that light that helps me fight the darkness.
She is that light of peace.
She is light that I will bend over backward to make sure that she keeps shining bright by making sure that I make her proud of me.
She’s that kind of bright light that makes people wonder; life would’ve been like if none of us would’ve ever come in contact with such a bright and forceful light that never existed.
Until heaven needed the brightness of the newest Angel
Ms. Butterfly 🇩🇴
A year has come and passed; it’s unbelievable that a year ago, we all surrounded your bed, hoping that you would give us a sign of hope that you would still be with us fighting to stay with us.
A year ago today, my last words to you were I love you, and I pray that you were listening.
I needed it so bad for you to jump up and respond to that I love you because I felt if you could do that, there was no way you could leave me.
Love is strong love is not supposed to pull people apart; it’s supposed to keep us together, and as long as I kept telling you how much I love you, how would you possibly leave me and be content.
I know and understand that your leaving us was out of your control; it was your time, and who are we to fight against time.
Yes, it would indeed be unfair to get mad with time because I feel like it took you too fast and way too soon. But, yes, you lived 89 years of life filled and struggled not to back.
Yet again, I am angry because you’re not here to make me smile with your silly stories about your upbringing as a young girl or how you would come out of the blue and ask me about my love life. I miss how you would laugh after hearing my response of I’m not checking for no man because they are just too much trouble, and I already have enough problems in my life.
You always made sure to tell me to find good men who Would be willing to love, respect, and take care of me. So my response to you was always; I’ll take care of myself the best I can because I have to learn to depend on myself and no one else.
I miss seeing you.
I miss hearing your voice.
I miss your big personality that would take over your room.
I miss your smile.
I miss having the ability to say I love you and hearing you say back.
I know where ever you are in heaven, you are watching over me, and I hope that whatever it is that I’m showing you, you are still proud of me.
Matter how much time goes by, there will never be enough time to heal the hole in my heart because you are the one that holds the key to my incomplete heart.
P.S. I love you, and please keep giving us the strength to come to terms with the fact that our lives have never been the same since you left.
Instead of saying goodbye, I’m going. I love you because goodbye is final. I understand that I will never have to say goodbye as long as I keep you in my heart. I love you❤️
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
You have been gone for six months & it’s very untrue that I could not see you for mother’s day as I do every year. It is bittersweet. I know that your Birthday is coming up soon, and I won’t be able to see you sitting in your chair.
Bright Eyes
Beautiful smile
A massive heart that filled with a lot of love that you ever came in contact with.
Super cheerful anytime you would see me roll the concern.
I love to listen to you tell stories about your good days and giggle uncontrollably because of who you were and still are going to be because that’s how to choose to keep you with me.
Everyone that says it easier has no idea what they are talking about or has never lost a loved one. I still find it difficult to about you without feeling some knot in the back of my throat, maybe one day it will get more comfortable, but now it is hell no.
I love you and miss you every day that goes by.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
One month’s anniversary is here, and it still feels unrealistic when mom came home from the hospital and sat next to my bed to tell me that you finally left us.
The easiest thing to do when we lose our loved ones is crying, but of course, they told me not to call; who in their right mind is going to cry as someone who loves us leaves us behind.
I cry out of sadness.
I cry with anger because I have no clue if you heard the last time I told you that I love you.
I cry because my heart does not understand how life is to continue without you.
I cry, hoping that you would come to me and wipe my tears away.
Anytime anyone hears the word anniversary, that word celebration would come to mind.
What’s the point of Acknowledged that you have been gone for one month?
I instead celebrate your life, and the times I had to spend with you.
M.B.G. 🇩🇴
Heaven must be the most peaceful place.
That’s why you probably answered your calling when it was time, and you knew you were finally going to run free without any body pain or anything else holding you back.
I am angry that you answered that call, not just because I would no longer see your beautiful face again.
I’m pissed off because one of the many children you left behind happens to be my mother, who had caught herself picking up the phone to call you because she was so used to hearing your voice and laughing about it when you guys talked about the good old days.
I know you could not help but answer the call that we all have to answer one day.
If you only knew the mom I once had, she is not even half the person she left with us.
If the walls could speak, they would be screaming your name; you definitely would get tired of hearing your name all day.
No matter how busy we try to keep her, nothing will compare to hearing or seeing you again.
I pray that you give her the strength to continue to see the days ahead.
As time goes on, I pray that you help her find that inner peace she is looking for when it comes to your passing.
I pray that you help her become the person she was before she understood that you were leaving us behind.
I pray that you listen to me and please help her come back to life better yet just to herself.
Losing you, I have somewhat lost the most significant part, my mom and your child.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
No one should be able to say goodbye because goodbye is such a final word.
Everyone who once loved her was there watching her sleep so peacefully like the sweet angel she had always been.
I couldn’t help myself in the back of my mind and be selfish and cry instead of thinking about how she is no longer in pain.
Finally, rest in peace with her creator and living in his kingdom while the rest of us is struggling with the grieving process when we lose our loved ones, but I don’t know when I Should stop crying.
Tears
sadness
Lost
Missing her is selfish because she is finally at peace and watching over all her loved ones, and that should put all of us at ease with her passing.
She is not here physically, but I understand that she lives in all of us because of the memories that we each hold of her.
Not saying goodbye I’m saying see you later, GrandMa
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
August 4 would have been your 90th that we would have been more than willing to celebrate just to her surrounded by everyone that loves her.
She would have been all smiley, ready to eat everything she could have gotten her hands-on.
We probably would have allowed it because she loved to remind us she had one life to live. If she would ever pass away, she would have had to pass out, knowing that she could eat everything that made her happy.
Not one day goes by that I don’t wish you here, so I can hear you giggle one last time.
It isn’t easy for me to understand that I won’t see you; all I know is that she is running free with no pain.
No matter how bad my eyes fill up with tears, my heart is joyful because I know you are no longer in pain.
Happy 90th Birthday to the most unique, incredible person in the world, MY BEAUTIFUL Grandma
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
When I write, people must know about me because I speak about things I’ve gone through and have conversations with people who inspire me to write the things I put together.
I’m not ashamed of anything I’ve ever posted because it comes from within me, not anyone else.
I may not always write correctly, but I do let out what I have been holding in because I have never bothered to learn how to express myself verbally or just never wanted to learn how to express myself verbally.
Writing has always been a joy and will always be a piece of me floating around somewhere on a piece of paper that someone might run.
I’m not going to apologize for anything I’ve ever allowed anyone to see or read, as I said at the beginning, every single work. What I’ve put together has been a piece of my life.
I never imagined that speaking from the heart meant that I could be bashing someone’s character, and I’m so far from that I don’t believe in breaking anyone down or making them feel less than to make myself feel better about myself.
I know who I am, and I might not go far with my blog, but it gives me a sense of purpose and meaning, and gratitude to those interested in reading what I have to say.
My dream and passion have always been writing, and that’s all that is to me. Oh yeah, I’m 39. I was born with a disability called cerebral palsy, which means I did not get enough oxygen during birth.
That’s why I use a motorized wheelchair to live my day-to-day life. My primary caregiver is my mom, but I also have personal aids that come eight hours a day, seven days a week; if it weren’t for them, I would not do my basic tasks without my team of people.
Ms.Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
She extends herself with kindness.
She extends herself with love.
She extends herself by being that backbone none ever is to him.
How and why? Is she going to continue to extend herself in any way if he is not going to pour the same into her? Everything she once ran into now, she is going to pour it into herself and pouring into someone who will never appreciate. Is sucking her lifeless, wondering if it was ever worth it.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I’m always up, so super late because I still feel the best time to connect with myself and things I might be going through emotionally is when the rest of the world is sleeping.
Late night is time to reflect on how my day was and where I see my life going, and honestly, I see my life going in many directions.
I have never had a difficult time seeing my life in the future; the only thing I have struggled with is how I would get my life in those directions.
The only excuse I can come up with for myself is that I don’t feel like anyone believes in me; yes, it’s a sad excuse to say I would need someone to believe in me or motivate me to follow my dreams.
As long as I believe in myself and believe in what I’m trying to believe in myself, I’m good with who I’m as a person.
I’m not a professional writer, and I probably will never be a famous writer, but I guarantee all my readers one thing: when I write, I write with my heart. I also write about an everyday conversation I have with my girlfriends.
I’m not going to beg anyone to support me or follow me on my blog journey.
I will allow my words to connect with the hearts of those who read my thoughts.
Play the way I am expressing myself right now might be a little harsh, but it’s true I don’t want anyone to believe in me; I need me to be successful enough for me to be part of who I am and who I am is more than the woman in the wheelchair.
Yes, no one can make it because everyone needs help or support to get where they want.
As women, we struggle to make a name for ourselves in a world dominated by men, and it’s time for us to find a way out of that domination and become our bosses.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
ANYTIME PEOPLE TALK ABOUT HAVING A NORMAL LIFE, I QUESTION MYSELF ON WHAT DOES HAVING A NORMAL LIFE MEANS.
DOES IT MEAN I HAVE TO BE ABLE TO BODY for MY LIFE TO BE CONSIDERED NORMAL.
JUST BECAUSE I’M NOT ABLE BODY DOES MEAN I DON’T HAVE A NORMAL LIFE BECAUSE I HAVE A DISABILITY?
MY DISABILITY IS SOMETHING I WAS BORN IT HAS NEVER DEFINE HOW I SHOULD LIVE MY LIFE. So, YES, ITS TRUE I LIVE MY LIFE WITH LIMITATIONS AND BECAUSE OF THOSE LIMITATIONS I MAY HAVE TO FIND DIFFERENT WAYS OF DOING THINGS THAT OTHER PEOPLE Don’t STRUGGLE to DO.
I HAVE A NORMAL LIFE:
I HAVE BEEN ABLE TO GET AN EDUCATION.
I HAVE BEEN LEARNING TO LOVE, AND I WANT TO BELIEVE THAT I HAVE TAUGHT HOW TO LOVE.
I WORK VERY HARD AS A BLOGGER.
I’m a SEXUAL PERSON.
I’m SOMEONE’S DAUGHTER.
I’m SOMEONE’S SISTER
I’m SOMEONE GRANDDAUGHTER
I CAN EVEN SAY I WAS SOMEONE WIFE
If everything I list above makes my life routine, then I guess I have an everyday life. Ordinary life is living life to the fullest and being fearless. However, my disability is not a stop sign.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Sit up that is the story of my life, right.
I understand that everyone is nervous because to have any part of your body split open is no joke.
I know how dangerous things are, but I’m fucking tired of hearing if you would have done this or that you wouldn’t be going through this.
I was born with cerebral palsy; it’s not something someone can catch.
One of the things I’m sure of is my body changes along with my disability.
No matter what I would have done, like sitting up straight, I still would have found myself with some severe back issues because I’m spending more than 18 hours a day in my wheelchair.
I take responsibility for my doing when it comes to my body.
I’m not trying to make excuses for myself.
I should have done better when it came to my body.
Maybe I should have tried to sit up straight, but the people around me will take responsibility for their part of my body falling apart.
Sit up straight.
Do this, do that.
These are things I heard all the time.
On the other side, I hear.
I am tired of helping you.
Why can’t you do this by yourself?
You should have just died, or maybe I should so you can value the things I do for you.
My body is messed up from lifting you for the last 35 years of life.
You are never going to understand how valuable I” m in your life until I’m gone.
Those are the words that I hear in my ears every day.
Take responsibility for making me feel like shit & invisible.
Like I should no longer be here.
I was hoping you could take responsibility for giving me life & me not asking for life to choose life, not me.
The blame game and guilt trip are over because I will not allow you to make me feel like it was my choice to live or die, and I chose to live to fuck up the rest of your youth.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Whenever I see my wheelchair, I see an accessory that I’m an honor to show off.
From this day forward, wheelchair users stop staring because it will not change what it is, or someone staring will not allow me to walk.
A wheelchair user should not give us an excuse not to live life. So many people already count us out as far as being a part of the human race.
We are brilliant.
We love doing the impossible.
We refuse to complain about minor things.
Wheelchair users continuously have to fight to belong to a place where they are not wanted.
Especially in the workplace, because what anyone can do is look at the chair.
If people could only realize that our limitation doesn’t hold us back from working, what holds us back is people not giving us opportunities to prove our ability beyond our physical limits.
Most of us do not mind collecting a month-to-month check because more comfortable being in the outside world is receiving a lot of no. A month to month, no one can survive. Having a job is a real accomplishment because it allows us to feel valuable and open doors for others, just like ourselves.
We can also birth to our children and love them more than someone with two good legs despite our limitations.
Love has no limitations, so no one else has the right to places limitations.
I’m a woman first, and my chair is not going to be a stop sign.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Victim, I am not.
Yes, I have a disability, but I am not my disability.
If I get scared unexceptionable, I will jump out of my chair if I am not strapped down to my seat.
It might be funny to others, but it’s not funny to me because it’s a constant reminder of the things I don’t control when it comes to my own body.
The word victim is for people who refuse to fight back, and anytime I am blessed by God to open up my eyes, that’s a fight in itself.
I know I am far from being a victim of any kind.
When I was able to take my first breath to live, I am proud that I am fighting, not a victim.
See me or someone like me sees strength, determination, and willingness to be proud of being.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Cerebral palsy is not something I could never be embarrassed by; cerebral palsy is something that I have lived with since birth.
I want to believe that the main reason I’m so raw with my words is that my disability has taught me that I must be a stronger fighter.
When I decided to put myself out there as a writer, I also decided no pictures of who I am would take over my blog.
I believe the natural way anyone should get to know who I am is through the words that I can put on paper because anytime I find myself using paper & pen is simply because the emotions are real as hell.
Yes, I am a firm believer in people’s ability to know a lot by looking at someone.
I don’t want anyone reading this thinking I am just full of myself when I say that I already know what most people think of me and that I am beautifully sexy, and most importantly, I am such a BITCH.
Those are some things I can say about myself without posting another pretty picture of who I am on my blog.
I know there is so much to me than just a pretty face.
These are powerful words.
Messages
Relationships
Heartbreak
Divorce
Future
JUST ME.
I just gave you’ll more than what a candid picture could ever say.
Don’t worry about what I look like or assume that I refuse to show who I am on my blog because I am embarrassed about what has made me such a fighter in life. Which has cerebral palsy?
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
My physical disability is not something I’m trying to hide.
My physical disability is not something I’m trying to hide or would hide if I could.
There are times I question why I was born with such a disability, but I believe that I was born the way I was because God knew I would be a handful any other way, don’t get me wrong; I’m still a handful sitting down.
My disability, in a lot of ways, has been a blessing from God because it has taught me not to take the little things that I can’t do for myself for granted.
I have motivated myself to prove that despite my disability, I can be out in the real world, making a name for myself.
Yes, there will always be people who will discriminate against people with disabilities because they believe we shouldn’t even exist globally, but the fact that we do and we’re here to stay.
We want the same opportunities as everyone else, and we’re willing to work that much harder to make sure that we get the same opportunities as everyone else.
I don’t want things handed to me just because I’m disabled; I want to work for everything that I have and everything I want to accomplish in my life.
But for me to achieve those things that I want in my life, I have to make sure the people see me and don’t see my chair.
My chair is a part of me, but it doesn’t make me who I am or the things I want to accomplish in my life.
I am a person first with goals and dreams that will succeed beyond my disability.
Being a woman on wheels mean strength.
Being a woman on wheels means knowledge, the ability to teach others that being different is not a terrible thing; it’s a unique quality about everyone a part of the world.
Being a woman on wheels means fighting through discrimination and being invisible because of the wheelchair.
Being a woman on the wheel means fighting for those others who don’t have to struggle to get and defend myself from those who believe I get things handed to me because of my limitations.
Being a woman on wheels has its challenges, but I am proud to be a woman on wheels, unstoppable and under forgiven.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Yes, I’m beautiful.
Yes, I’m sexy.
Being in a wheelchair leaves me Vulnerable for people to assume the most outrageous things about me.
People are allowed to assume what they want and ask what they want but don’t think just because I’m in a wheelchair that means I’m going to be this gullible person that buys into everything everyone is selling Because I know my worth and my self worth is not between my legs. So people have to motivate me before anyone can get to the prize physical.
I understand that disabled women have a terrible reputation for going with the first thing that says hello to us because we want to feel wanted to be needed to be desired by a man. However, the most crucial thing disabled women must understand is that we expect ourselves before anyone can choose us.
Disabled women are sexy or beautiful or desirable and deserve the same respect any other woman gets.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Moving forward is overcoming things that stand in our way. People that don’t leave the past in the past.
My past is all about me taking on more than I could chew to make people happy.
That includes lying to and cover-up what I could not do.
As a result, I am stuck in my ways without moving in any direction, even though I know I need to move in my head.
Nothing has happened to move forward in my life and get out of this bubble I created for myself.
I need to get out before I lose my mind.
How am I going to find my way out? When I can’t move out of my bubble.
I am scared to move out because I am afraid to see what I can do with all this space that has nothing to do with the life and relationship I was used to being a part of.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I don’t exist
My mistakes overshadow my existence.
As well as challenges my future.
My future is bleak because I am not allowed to live beyond my past.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
No one ever has to agree on how I feel, but the way I feel is like I am just a painting on the wall that people have no other choice but to pass by on occasions when they need to go in a particular direction.
I am a painting that no one bothers to move or dust off to ensure that I continue to shine through.
I believe artwork in galleries gets more acknowledgment than I do.
I’m supposed to be a part of something. But, unfortunately, I’m not even close to feeling a part of anything or anyone.
No matter what to feel a part of something or someone has never worked.
I don’t know if it’s because I have not put my best foot forward to make things work or people see me as I see myself, and that is a straight Burden.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Open heart.
Open wounds need to be closed, but no idea how to approach them.
There’s not a Band-Aid big enough to cover up all the scars she has carried for so many years in so many different stages of my life.
It’s effortless for her to tell herself to get rid of her scars and start fresh, but then the question of how she gets rid of her fault and what’s going to be left when She no longer has these scars to hide behind.
She’s going to be a roar, and those feelings that she was able to hide with a scar, she is no longer going to be able to do that. So to grow and find peace with all her wounds and mistakes, she has to let them go and make one for all the new things coming into her life.
Things have gotten so far to come back.
I wish I could share my feelings with the world to understand better what I’m doing wrong.
How in the right state of mind can I ever stop putting my heart on paper when I know the form is the only thing that allows me to be me without judgment or resentment for what I speak.
I enjoy fighting because that’s the only thing they give me a piece of mine, somewhere I can remove everything that I hold in.
After all, no one Is listening, but this piece of paper is in front of me.
When I put tons of writing, I never think of fame or fortune; I can write.
I’ve always written because I’ve ever had something to say in the best way to express myself in actual words that I can put on paper.
When I begin writing, I just did it. People just came naturally to me, and I couldn’t see myself doing anything else but that writing.
Now that I’m older, I was hoping that my hand could help someone else and show them that just because I have a disability Does not mean I don’t have issues like everyone else. I have good relationships, bad relationships, and obstacles that most people don’t have to overcome.
Having a public play form to share some of my stories with people; would give people a better understanding that someone like me is just like them.
I don’t have many obstacles to overcome the many others don’t have to think twice about it because it becomes easy for them, and before plant planning to go anywhere, I have to plan to make sure that everything I need is going to be in place for when I need it.
A romantic relationship with someone has its ups and downs, just like any other person who is not physically challenged like me. One of the biggest questions I have to ask myself when I find myself in a relationship is this person here for me, or is it just a curiosity thing For that person. The question I have for myself does this person see me before you saw the chair.
I have to concern myself with this person here for me, or just out of pity Something many people don’t have to think about it. But, still, I didn’t because I have a disability that built up all these questions for everyone who comes into my life, and I plan to share my experience.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Trigger words for me are:
You are starting to feel heavy.
You are fat.
You need to talk to someone who can help you.
These are all the things that put me in a lousy headspace because it’s a constant reminder of how little I can do for myself, and no matter how much control I would love to have over my body, I am demanding because of this damn disability.
I’ve always struggled with control because I’ve always wanted control over myself, but I don’t have control over many things that I have to do with me because of my circumstances.
So the only thing I have control over was the food that I put in my mouth and food I’ve never had; another will never have a good relationship.
Food and I have a tolerating relationship because I need food to survive, and I struggle to enjoy food because food makes me feel ugly and unwanted?
Food also leaves the door open for people to make comments that get to me like I’m fat, I’m chubby.
It isn’t easy to move me from place to place food is always a nightmare come true that I wish I can wake up from, but I’m not able to do that because food is not my body’s best friend.
Food is like a battlefield feel field with enemy lines trying against me and not for me, and I have no clue how to fight those enemy lines between me and food.
I don’t want anyone reading this to think or feel that I don’t love myself just the way I am because I do.
I have an internal struggle with myself: I don’t have control over everything in my everyday life. For example, I always felt like I handled food until I was spinning out of control, and I had no idea how to get back to a positive road.
I have found a way to get back onto the positive road, but I’m not going to lie; the internal struggle is 100% real and unbelievable sometimes. I know for me, I can’t allow anyone to get into my head for me to be able to beat my internal struggles.
If we continuously chase the way to make others happy, we could never make ourselves happy.
I am the type of person who needs to be liked by everyone or acknowledge five people.
So that’s why I always kill myself, trying to make others happy before making myself happy.
Still, I can’t continue, And I know I shouldn’t do that if I’m not doing it for myself because at the end of the day, I know nobody would be willing to sacrifice their love or whatever is making them happy for me.
It makes me mad to know that I had to walk away from things because I can’t deal with the stress of having people upset with me or because they know I need them more than they need me.
It’s easier for me to tell people to live your life to the fullest because it’s your life to live; no one else has the right to tell you how to live your life, but it’s so much harder for me to take that advice for myself when I know I depend on so many people for my every day living.
If I’m ever going to live a fulfilled life, I’m going to have to start taking my advice and live life to the fullest and not care about what anyone has to say about the way I am choosing to live my life because it is my life no one else’s.
Yes, my life is dependent on other people, but that does not mean I should not be able to live my life to the complete list of my abilities
I’ve gotten myself into situations that have made me question my faith in God. I don’t want anyone reading this one day to think I don’t believe in God because I do.
I know many people question if God is real because how can you believe something is confirmed when you can’t see you touch it.
I always think to myself, how can God not be real? If he were not authentic, I would not be here today, granted; he did not conceive me, but he made it possible for me to be here today, whether standing or sitting. So I am here, and that is all because of him.
God has given me the strength to overcome the obstacles most people don’t have to overcome and see it as another day, and I think to myself. It’s just not another day for me; it’s another obstacle I must overcome if I want to continue on this crazy journey that is my life.
I’m not going to lie; I have some moments where I feel like whoa is me, and I believe everyone deserves to have one of those days because not everything we think we deserve we shall get. That’s when I have my wallet with me moment because there’s so much I want, but so little I get, and I know I shouldn’t be selfish and want more than what I should have because I haven’t done anything to deserve more than what I have.
God never gives us what we want; he gives us what he believes we need at a particular moment in our lives. So we should never complain; we should never whine. Instead, we should be grateful for the things he’s blessed us. He knows that in time we will receive what we deserve as long as we put our faith in him, and he puts his trust in us.
Ms. Butterfly
God, please wrap your arms around her and let her know that she’s not alone.
God, I’m asking you from the bottom of my heart, please shield her from her gloomy thoughts. Prove to her that you’re listening to her even when she’s crying.
Of course, the more time she loses faith in herself, she’s going to lose faith in you. But, still, you are the only one that can show her that losing faith in you is the worst thing anyone can do because you always put us on this earth with a purpose even though we may never know what the goal is but there’s a purpose to why everyone is here or the people we end up.
She believes that you have placed her on this earth to suffer nothing more, nothing less, but I know differently, and I also know she has to hit rock bottom and stop questioning your actions so she can get what she deserves better yet what she needs and not what she wants.
God doesn’t leave her, so she doesn’t let herself go in your name. I pray, amen.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
Children are a real blessing from God because God has chosen us to be his givers of life as a woman. Having something grow & moving around inside a woman’s body is a real blessing because only then do I believe women understand what it takes for another life to come into this crazy world of ours.
Why do we abuse or kill the little angel God has chosen for us as our children?
As adults, we decide to have kids & make them a part of their lives. So our children don’t have to pay for the choices we make in our lives.
In life, we have choices & we have to make the best ones that best fit our lifestyle.
As a woman, if we feel that a child will slow us down, we should do everything in our power to do to protect ourselves or, better yet, keep our legs closed until we feel prepared to take care of another human life other than our own.
Honestly, as a woman, we need to stop bringing children into this world, thinking we can use them to prevent the man in our lives from leaving us. A man will go no matter the situation & that being said, we should never place that kind of pressure on a child to keep a family together.
A child deserves to be a kid.
A mother who takes a child’s soul is not a real woman and never really felt there could be a connection to motherhood.
How can we abuse an unborn child? As if we couldn’t feel them move within us or contact a real connection as if they weren’t even there. A child is a gift from God that no woman has the right to take for granted.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
Cancer is a battlefield that no one believes they’re ever going to step on until one day they wake up and realize that the word cancer is going to be a part of their lives for a while until we find a cure for this nasty disease that takes our loved ones from us.
Cancer eats away at people’s bodies but never their souls.
Cancer is feeling sick all the time but finding the inner warrior within themselves to fight for themselves.
Cancer is treatment after treatment, not knowing if anything will work but having faith that God is bigger and more durable than any disease taking over the body.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
I pray for myself and the ability not to lose who I have become, just
because of the person I have chosen to add to my life.
I pray for true happiness within myself before I can become that true happiness for anyone else in their lives.
I pray for self-discovery.
Self-want.
Most importantly, I pray for myself.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
Sorry is such an easy word to say.
The world uses the word sorry as a band-aid to cover up wounds by people we never thought would hurt us.
If you are going to use the word sorry as a cover-up, so you continue to make your mistakes, or that could buy you more time until you figure out your following way.
I would rather not hear the words sorry leave your lips because that will allow my eyes to cry again over someone. Sorry but not sorry about their actions, just a pathetic person—a sad person who does not understand the pain they’re causing someone who loves them unconditionally.
Say I’m sorry, but because you know that your actions and words are wrong, don’t say I’m sad because you feel that’s what I need to hear to continue with this lie that I trust you with my heart of gold.
Saying I’m sorry, it’s not a cover-up if you don’t understand what you’re embarrassed about. Instead, say I’m embarrassed with actions to stop using the word I’m sorry. Actions speak louder than words.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I have always been a nice girl because I have a hard time saying no to people, and I find it difficult to say what’s on my mind.
Perhaps this is because I don’t like hurting anyone’s feelings, but the people around me don’t have a problem hurting me at all, just because they know I won’t say anything to defend myself.
I’m tired of being the nice girl, but I know I was not born a bitch in my heart. I know that if I keep being a friendly girl, people will always find different ways to get over me because I am so lovely to everyone, even those who don’t deserve it.
I guess the real reason why I am such a nice girl is that I want to feel like I fit in or belong somewhere in this world. So I’ve always tried to find a little place that I can call my own.
Despite all this, I’m smart enough to know that being a nice girl will not get me far in life.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I’m smiling because I refuse to show anyone my sadness to anyone.
I smile because I’m tired of crying.
I smile when the thought of him comes into my mind, but I can’t help and be angry at myself because I have many unanswered questions.
What Happened?
Why did he choose to go M.I.A?
I don’t want things like they use to be because I know we can’t relive what used to be.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Some people choose to run from their scars.
I refuse to run from anything that shows that I made through a battlefield of things.
My scars are a reflection of things that have made me a healthy human being.
Being ashamed of these scars is like I’m ashamed of myself.
I refuse to be ashamed of myself because these scars have taught me to be fearless of anything thrown into me.
My scars are my batches of honor.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Patience has always driven me crazy and has never been part of my strong suit.
Patience is something that I’ve had to learn and be taught, and I’m glad that I’ve been able to be patient.
Patience has taught me that waiting for things or someone special is always worth the wait as long as we have it within ourselves to understand that anything worth having is worth waiting for it.
We never know how far we can go in life until we try our very hardest to go as far as possible, but with all the labels the world puts on us, it’s hard to define how far we can go.
Time doesn’t wait for anyone, but I guess all we can do is wait and see what happens in some instances.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Fight with the person who will fight for you.
Fight for the person who believes in something and makes it difficult to fall for anything.
Fight for the one who said I love you and does not struggle with your success.
Fight with the one that will see you fall but does not hesitate to give you a hand to hold.
Fight for the one who knows every scar and what each spot represent
Fight for yourself before anyone else could fight for you.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
The pink ribbon is a representation of the battle. That many women face today doesn’t matter the age, race, or where we come from, it’s just something that happens.
Sometimes we don’t even have time to wonder why it happens.
We know it’s a part of our bodies, and we must fight it with all we have, including the mental strength it takes to battle breast cancer.
Pink ribbon 🎀 means
Strength
Powerful
Life
Living
Faith
A woman’s breast doesn’t make her a woman. Instead, it’s the strength that she carries within herself to fight to live.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
Too much to say, but if I say anything, I’m wrong, and if I don’t say anything, I’m just a coward hiding. I’ve never known myself to hide from anything or anyone.
The only time I feel free to be who I want to be is when I’m writing, and the fact that I leave my blog open to the public it’s my decision.
Decision it’s just that my decision is no one else’s, so no matter how open I choose to leave myself, no one should use what I put on my blog against me or anyone else that’s close and dear to my heart.
Too much to say, but is it worth saying anything when people will come up with a whole conclusion?
I understand that anytime I post anything on my public blog, I leave myself open for anyone to say anything and everything that little heart desires. But at the same time, I feel like I shouldn’t have to water down my thoughts because they’re ignorant people to take what I say out of content.
There are so many things being taken away from us nowadays; sadly, self-expression is something else that they will be taken away from us. Because of people’s ignorance and not truly understanding what I was trying to convey at any time, I decided to put my thoughts on paper.
I am brace everything that I have shared so far on my blog because my blog is pieces of me, whether wrong or right. I love communicating with people because I feel like I could be helping someone without me knowing it. I’ve been off of social media for a while, contemplating if I should stop writing or not.
I know, but if I stop writing, I’ll just be giving in to what everybody else thinks about me or perceives me, but I’m not going to lie since my blog is my safety zone. I would hate to stop doing something I love because of the ignorance of others.
The biggest lesson I am trying to take away from this is I shouldn’t let the ignorance of others influence what I should or should not do with my own life; for 39 years. I’ve had plenty of people dictate where my life should be where my life should go. But, there is something I don’t want anyone to dictate what I should be doing with myself or, better yet, what I should be talking about on my blog, which is supposed to be my safety zone, whether it’s public or private, it’s still mine.
Yes, I’m very aware that I leave myself open to ignorant people that instead of learning from my blog, people rather take what I am sharing about my life out of content. The ignorance of Others pushes me away from the I’m trying to educate people with everything I have gone through as a woman of Hispanic descent who is also a wheelchair user.
I should not have to shame away from specific topics because others’ ignorance doesn’t allow them to see that I am venting and educating.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
The only way Positivity will come in my direction is when I learn how to ignore others’ negativity, including my own.
How to push through the negativities? First is going through the darkness until I can create a tunnel, so I’m able to see the bright light of happiness.
Anything that lives in the darkness can come to light when Positivity can fight its way through the night.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
I am a firm believer in speaking everything someone wants to do into existence.
Suppose people want things to happen in their life besides talking about it. Then, people have to make it happen for themselves with determination and the will to believe in themselves.
Most people believe that things should magically happen for them because of who they are or the type of background they have, but life doesn’t work that way.
We will never understand the value of anything that we haven’t worked for or achieved on our terms.
The most rewarding part about life is achieving something on your terms, and no one can take credit. The person’s hard work is what got them where they are today and that they don’t owe anyone a damn thing for it.
Determination is more than just words about doing what feels right and Doing things that make you happy and no one else.; it’s achieving the impossible when no one ever believes.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
Don’t waste time fighting.
Don’t waste time arguing.
Don’t waste time trying to fix something or someone who is not fixable just because it seems like the right thing to do.
Don’t waste your time being someone you’re not just to please others.
Don’t waste your time giving excuses when you’re going to be doing what your heart desires.
Don’t waste your time giving love to someone who will never love you; give yourself that love you would be wasting on someone else.
Don’t waste your time with the unknown.
Please don’t waste your time because you want to be naïve and believe that the time will always be when droopy told us we don’t know anything about time.
The main thing we should be doing with our time is spending all the time we can with our loved ones and making sure that they know you love them as much as they love us.
Time is a gift, and it’s a precious gift, so make the value of the gift that is time and make memories as long as we have time.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
Why do we have to wait for a memorable holiday to be thankful?
Anytime God blesses us with the ability or grand to grant us another day.
We should always be grateful without having to wait for a holiday to thank you or give grace to those who are still with us.
2020 has been a nightmare for a Country that knew Or understood that fighting as one is better.
As a country, we find it difficult to be thankful, but I would like to think that besides all the tragedies that we’ve been through, there are little things that we can be grateful for. One of the biggest things I am thankful for is the growing family I had lost, but I also gained new family members.
Most importantly, my mom is still here, so watch her family grow and enjoy the newest part of each of our lives.
I am also grateful for the unforgettable love that I have and don’t want to share, but I’m glad to know there is there even when I think or feel it’s not.
I am grateful that 2020 has allowed me to push myself to be me, whether you love me or hate me.
It’s challenging to be grateful for all the tragedies we have been through, but we should find small things to be thankful for, like family friends, helping those who drive us crazy, but we can’t see ourselves.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Impossible; that's how I see my life right now because of the many obstacles I have had to overcome this past year alone.
I had to overcome being someone’s leftover by showing myself how much I am worth as a woman and putting myself first.
By putting myself first, everyone who was important in my life is now taking a back seat to me and my happiness.
Everything in my life seemed impossible because I was always worried about making others happy and not myself.
After all, I always thought that my true happiness was making others happy. The reality is a different story, yeah I was making all of them happy, but I was thinking about myself in the process.
Since I was not thinking about myself, no one has thought of me, not even me.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
A song brings a smile to my face.
Past thoughts of you can make me uncontrollably or make me relive a moment in my head.
A specific scent of his can place me back to the last time I was in his arms, feeling like a little girl.
Photography helps me relive those moments I could only wish to be living with him, but for one reason or another, it’s just not that simple anymore.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
He was the one person that gave her world because that’s what she meant to him.
So he poured everything he had and even the things he did not have to give her.
She soaked as much as she could because she had no idea how long it could have lasted.
That’s why people should not go into situations with any expectations because the led-down is a lot more challenging to deal with.
The biggest challenge for her is understanding that the main reason her expectations never came true for her was that she destroyed them before those dreams became a reality. Expectations are enormously led downs; that’s why people should live the moments and don’t worry about tomorrow.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
Don’t judge.
Don’t point.
Don’t speak.
The only time people should speak on anything that has nothing to do with them is because either they have walked a mile in your shoes before, and they are coming from the best place in their heart to warn people from going through what they have gotten through themselves.
We are not living in a country where we should tear each other apart; we should be together as a unit to make this country safe once again and people to start trust each other again. But, no, we are busy tearing each other apart because we have nothing else better to do in this challenging time that our country is under.
Speak only when spoken to and the truth; people don’t have to assume what others have heard. Even if what people heard is right, they should not be the ones to put it out there, so others have a chance to pass judgment. The only one that can influence decisions who knows the truth is God himself.
She is not hiding.
She is not being manipulated. Her truth is simple She doesn’t want to be judged by anyone but the higher power, which is God, because he sees everything from where he is, and he is the only one with authority to judge.
People hide when they are ashamed of something that has gone wrong in their lives, and many things have gone wrong in her life, but she has always faced them head-on and headstrong because She is not ashamed regardless of what people might say behind her back.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis🇩🇴
Social media has its good things as well as bad things.
One of the good things about social media is that everyone can stay connected; The world has found a way to make social media work for people as a source of income.
Social media’s downfall is that anyone can become who they want to be behind a screen and say what they want because it’s behind a screen.
Everyone who has ever been on social media has dealt with those who become brave behind social media and feel the need to say whatever’s on their mind without thinking about the consequences of their words and who they are affecting.
Social media has become a platform for many bullies. Those are people who have too much time on their hands or suffer from their insecurities and tried to pass it on to others by making others feel worthless about themselves.
We cannot allow others to pass on their insecurities to us. The only way we can pick up ourselves back from those insecure people is by showing them how strong we are by not lowering our standards.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
Addiction
darkness
loneliness
withdrawn from the world.
When things fall apart, so do you.
Trying to speak, but no one is listening.
Ashamed.
I was embarrassed because everyone’s moving, and I’m standing still, just watching and wishing it was me.
Men have been programmed not to show emotions because showing emotion is a sign of weakness.
Men are supposed to be strong and protectors.
We as women also have to remember men have a fragile ego, and we have to let them know it’s OK to break down when they need to; they don’t have to be superheroes all the time.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis🇩🇴
I always believe in things that are better unsaid if no one has anything good to say. That’s why I have never bothered to say anything because I’m not trying to hurt anyone’s feelings.
Fuck it; this needs to come out because I’m just choking & there are times I want to hang myself for the stupid shit I keep doing to myself. But, I have opened myself up to a stranger & because I have allowed myself to be like a book, we have managed to become friends.
Anytime I have needed a shoulder to cry upon, he has been that shoulder.
Upon meeting him, I lived in a bubble that sheltered me away from the world I didn’t know existed.
With time & patience, he made me feel safe enough to venture out of my bubble to learn how to live in the real world.
I thank him for showing me the real world, but I always thought he would still hold my hand no matter what, but I guess I was wrong.
Our friendship or relationship, whatever people would like to see us, was never perfect, but it was ours to keep safe & to go on.
Then a year ago, our undefined relationship became physical, which was great for me because it had been a while since I had been touch by a man the way he did.
I also understand that no relationship would come out of me just sleeping with him & I was okay with that because I did not give myself any false hope on the type of relationship I had with him. If any time of involvement were to be it would have been
He pushed her into someone else arms.
She finds those things that never came through him but someone else.
She finds that laughter that she never thought she could ever get back.
She finds the peace that she would ask for every day.
She finds it more comfortable to breathe because she no longer has to feel the weight of someone else for the first time in her life.
She has also felt comfortable enough to be herself with herself.
She finds that safety blanket.
Most importantly, she finds a friend.
Even though everything she was able to find never replaced who she wanted those things.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
BEING HUMAN DOES NOT MEAN WE SHOULD ALL LOOK ALIKE.
BEING HUMAN DOESN’T MEAN; WE SHOULD NOT ALL BE THE SAME COLOR.
BEING HUMAN DOES NOT MEAN WE SHOULD SPEAK THE SAME LANGUAGE.
BEING HUMAN DOES NOT MEAN WE SHOULD HAVE THE SAME BELIEF SYSTEM AS THE REST OF THE WORLD.
I AM ME, BUT NO ONE CAN SEE ME BECAUSE PEOPLE ARE BUSY POINT OUT MY INDIFFERENCES.
MY INDIFFERENCES ARE:
I USE MY WHEELCHAIR AS MY LEGS.
I AM IN PAIN 90% PERCENT OF MY LIFE.
MY VOICE SOUNDS LIKE A CHILD, BUT I AM A 36-YEAR-OLD PERSON.
I CAN’T SHOWER OR DRESS MYSELF.
PEOPLE SHOULD NOT BULLY OTHERS INDIFFERENCE BUT USE OTHERS INDIFFERENCES FOR STRENGTH.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis🇩🇴
I’m alone in more than one.
I’m alone in the sense that I feel crazy trapped in my feels.
Anytime I open up my mouth, it turns into a battlefield of everything that comes out of my mouth.
I’m alone even though I come from a large and what is supposed to be a caring family.
I feel the only time they care is when they want to point out my mistakes or stick their nose where it doesn’t belong, making me feel incapable of thinking for myself.
I’m alone because no one has bothered to know me with all my flaws and still find it within themselves to say I love you. I understand for anyone to know I have to be transparent with me, but at this point, I’m like, for what, it’s a little too late. There was this one person I thought I could trust because the conversations were so easy flowing that I became so blinded with trust. But, once again, I was proving I can’t and shouldn’t trust even my damn shadow.
I’m alone, and sometimes I wish I was not because the bag of loneliness gets too heavy for me to carry.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
Besides all the pain that my heart is feeling, I feel more alone with each day that keeps passing me by.
I am trapped in a place that has never felt like home to me because I am not myself and, I feel the need to be withdrawn from those who think to may know me.
I have no clue who I am. After all, I believe there are days I don’t even know myself because I have so many different struggles; it’s become harder to keep up with everyone and every battle.
My struggle is not everyone else’s struggle, but there are times I wish they could be so people could better understand me and give a moment of weakness without asking me and looking at me like an I should never have another weak moment in my life.
My struggles are and overlooked every day of my life and, they are I constantly struggle to be happy, so no one has the chance to ask me anything about looking sad or just not feeling a part of them.
The biggest struggle of them all is being stuck in a body that I hate. I wish for a different body every day of my life.
This body has been my prison for the last 30 years of my life because I depended on someone every day.
I know I should be grateful that I am alive even though I have been placed on living the rest of my life in a wheelchair, and, honestly, I am thankful and very thankful I am alive because I have a brain that works very well.
My brain has the power that my legs will never have.
The biggest struggle I carry within me is seeing a prominent person who should not be around other humans who do not look at me every time I see myself in a mirror.
Whenever I see myself, I see a big girl who will never be except for how long I stave myself; I will never be perfect.
If I am not perfect, no one is ever going to love me.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
If we try to live as transparent as possible, we must understand what transparency is all about; what other things are true. My truth is this I’ve always felt like I’ve never been late or wanted unless I will give me something back in return to be warranted or to be needed; other than that, people never gave me a second thought. This whole year has been a journey for me; some fantastic moments, others not so unique in those not memorable moments, have taught me to see people for who they are.
No matter what I do to try and be a part of them, I’m never going to be a part of them because I’m just me and have to be good enough for me; love is the only real when it comes without condition or rules.
Don’t look for me because I might be lonely.
Don’t look for me because you finally got a conscience, and you want to make yourself look good, pretending to love and care about me.
Don’t look for me because we have the same bloodline running through our veins. The same heritage does not mean anything anymore because if you did, you would see my pain without me telling you that I’m hurt, and I feel abandoned by those who are supposed to love me for who I am.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
It’s natural to break someone’s heart.
The challenging part of dealing with someone who has been torn apart is knowing that you were The Who broke it.
I’m left wondering how I can make him whole again when I’m still struggling with putting myself back together because if he wants to take any responsibility for anything, I’m broken too.
I broke us by not being able to be transparent with him.
Being transparent means being vulnerable, and I hate being seen as a weak person; I have always been the one to protect my heart from any harm because no one knows better what my heart needs but for me.
I know honesty is the main focus of any relationship. I have always felt the absolute need for anyone to know about our past. My past defined if we would be in a relationship.
I don’t believe it would have, but I will never know because I could not and did not want to be that open book he wanted me to be.
I wanted to focus on the now and not the past.
I lied because I felt the need to protect myself.
By lying, I broke him, and I broke whatever future we could have.
I hope that he can be whole again with this time apart because no one deserves to be broke but love.
TODAY IS ABOUT LOVE, BUT IN THE FORM OF A BUTTERFLY, THE BUTTERFLY IS A BEAUTIFUL CREATURE OF GOD BEYOND MEASURE.
SO LIGHT, GENTLE, AND THE WAY SHE SPREADS HER WINGS FLYING IS THE TRUE BEAUTY.
THE Multiple COLORS OF EMBEDDED INSIDE ITS WINGS.
THE COLOR OF THE BUTTERFLY SHOW HOW FRAGILE.
A BUTTERFLY NEEDS TO BE A TREASURE BECAUSE OF THE COMFORTABLE SOUL INSIDE.
THE LIFE OF A BUTTERFLY IS VERY PRECIOUS. I NEED TO BE LOVE AND ADMIRED, AND RESPECTED.
SHE WANTS TO FLY FREE TO HAVE THE ABILITY TO EXPLORE HER SURROUNDINGS.
I LOVE HER EVEN THOUGH SHE IS A DAMAGED BUTTERFLY. SHE WANTS TO HEAL HER BROKEN WING BY SHINING OFF COLORS SO IT MAY BE BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AS WELL AS THE OUTSIDE.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Broken
Shattered
Blinded by what she thought was love but turned out to be a reality that she had lived just without the large bank account or whatever her heart desires like a shopping spree.
Spiritual broken because she finally thought she would have it all & finally be proud of the woman she felt she had become with all the unbelievable mistakes she had made throughout her life.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I finally did to myself; my life has ended; I’ve overdosed. No, not on coke, crack, or even ecstasy. I overdosed on love, or at least what I thought was love, but it was nothing more than a desire or feeling. The feeling of being in love, and the desire to be loved, that’s what killed me!
I overdosed, thinking I had enough self-control to realize when I had enough of this lousy drug that had me under its control.
But then, I did not care how bad things got; I just wanted enough so that I wouldn’t feel empty inside.
After the high was out of my system, I felt more alone than when I started, and even then, I still did not feel strong enough to get up and kick the habit; instead of love ruined my life, and I overdosed.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
The visit was not about jumping into bed with him.
It was about pure desire out of feeling wanted about him again instead of feeling the hate. She has been getting from him for almost a year that we have been broken up.
Nerves
Out of place
She was asking herself, what is she doing here? But in the back of her mind, she knew that there was no better place she could have been with him because that’s the only time she felt comfortable and happy.
As happy and comfortable that she was with him.
She could not but think about how somebody else had been lying in the same bed she laid down.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
Cleaning leads us to find things that we probably never thought of finding until I found myself cleaning.
It took 11 years to find the papers that were supposed to be my forever but became a lesson learned that did not come out of a princess book.
Princess books have stories of love, honor & respect that are always there no matter what happens.
Finding my marriage license was like seeing a ghost that showed up with no warming but, after the shock wore off, I could not help myself and go back to that day full of nerves and Happiness, Happiness because for once, I was doing something for me and no one else.
That day represented so much for me like I stopped being the girlfriend
and crazy enough became his wife.
Then reality came knocking, and that was marriage was not all about the papers but more about hard work that he and I were clueless about.
I was genuinely naïve and thought we were going to be forever.
When secretly, I was just in love with the idea of being in love.
Eleven years and the only thing left to show for that chapter in my life is a piece of paper.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
How can you sleep with yourself or live with who you are as a person?
Living in one truth and be honest with yourself.
My truth is simple: I never wanted us to be the best friend or break bread with you at the same table, but I wanted to prove that I can better the women since I could not be the best wife to my ex-husband.
I’m standing in my truth by admitting that my marriage failing wasn’t all your fault.
I take ownership for my marriage falling apart. But, I guess what I’m trying to say is any real woman would have given herself self-respect to have waited for the ink to be dry on those papers to proclaim her love to a married man.
Even with all that & people still find themselves asking me why I am so quick to give you the benefit of the doubt.
All I have ever said to that question is I believe she deserves to get to know me by speaking to me & not by second-hand information.
I opened the door to someone I thought was a real woman, not some high gossip girl.
Yes, she is brilliant.
Beautiful women.
Hard-working
A very independent woman.
Has her place
You are very accomplished in your own right.
If I’m going to live in my truth, I have to tell you that you are a horrid person from inside if you can still find the timeout to lousy mouth me like I’m taking something from you when honestly I don’t want anything you have.
All I can assume is that she is mad that you never got Mrs.’s title.
Even if you have had the title of Mrs., you would have never been #1. Just like I knew where I placed in the timeline of the woman held that last name.
Live in your truth.
Stand in your truth.
I would respect you more if you called me a bitch to face or called me a liar.
I can’t & won’t respect anyone who can talk shit behind my back.
Since you are interested in knowing the truth about my personal life, I’m going to help you by saying my life is nobody’s business. Just like when you were with my ex-husband, nothing happened; between two grown adults.
Single life is beautiful, but you could not know that because instead, of you forcing on enjoying your life. You are busy wondering why or when God will bless you with the chance to be someone Mrs.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
I don’t mind when people find themselves talking about me and the kind of person I am because people don’t mind wasting their time on little me, and my fanatic passed.
I guess the real-time I must worry about it is when people stop talking about me because it means I no longer matter if people choose to put my dirty laundry out.
I might as well come clean about things my way.
Also, not allowing my pride not to ask for help when needed. Marriage is no regret, but I was in love with the idea of love when it came to him.
He was tough love.
That open ear.
That voice of reason.
My safety blanket when the world was beating me up.
He was my laughter.
He was my all-nightwalker, anything from our worldview to teach me how to love myself before loving anyone else.
Most importantly, he was able to save me from me.
I fell in love with my best friend because he never gave me the chance to pretend to be someone else,
He got me.
I know it’s hard to believe that I can be friends with someone of the opposite sex for many of my haters. But, I don’t have to sell my soul to the devil or spared my legs open like most haters.
Picturing forever is hard work that comes with that forever.
That forever begins the day both parties say I do.
When they do, ‘s are finally said & done, the hard work of getting to know each other as a husband And wife begins.
The first way is to understand that the roads ahead will not be secure, but marriage is all about creating their own rules as they go along.
Not one wedding is the same; we should never go by anyone else laws but their own rules.
There might be one rule that everyone should follow, and that keeps holding on to each other, no matter how rough the waters might seem at times.
Wild waters are always around, but the essential part of dealing with these waters is coming above or understanding that everything worth having Is Worth working on?
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
She played into his hands like a game of blackjack.
She was desperate to know if he would not be like everyone she has shared in her life.
He knows all the right things that will get her heart without making any significant moves.
Every little girl or women dream about what the perfect relationship and marriage should be in their eyes; that’s how
he was able to play her heart like a guitar.
Now she sits back, wondering how or why he would play her like a musical instrument if he never made her his first lady.
It’s easier to sit around and blame him for her heart, not playing the romantic melodies.
Her heart has been looking to play for years. But, she has to look at the hand she has been playing and. Realize her side has been all wrong since the beginning of the game.
Only because she is wishing and dreaming about him being everything she desires he should be.
When in reality, she should be molding herself to be the right person to herself.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I can’t say I know you.
You can’t say you know me either, but I pray that with this new journey we are about to take part in, I hope our hearts and souls can and will become one as time goes on.
The journey of discovering who we are as married will differ from the people we were as a dating couple.
The most exciting part of becoming husband and wife, he and I can’t run away from each other because it feels like it’s the easiest thing to do.
We can’t and won’t run away from each other because marriage is one of the most significant commitments that we made to each other, and we owe each other to see it through.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
Thirteen years later, still running through hoops and chains just to be seen acknowledge by someone who has no idea what the other person has been through since Departure
from each other.
Feeling the need to prove anything to anyone but still Finding little ways to justify or prove the difference between whom you were back then and who you are today.
The woman she was 13 years ago is not the woman she is today. The old virgin of herself was taken back by love; she saw through his eyes, not her own.
Now she knows or understands that no woman should become a prisoner of love; loving someone is a part of everyone, but it should not be your entire being.
As she tries to show who she is 13 years later, she struggles because the reputation of her not being any different than she was 13 years ago follows her sincerely into what she wants to turn into reality can’t.
She’s done everything she could to run away from those feelings; she’s even been in other arms hoping and praying that she could forget that one love she gave everything up. It has never happened she could bury long enough for her to feel something for other people, but that feeling of love always lived inside of her, especially for him no idea why, but it does.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
7 PM in my bed watching a movie million and one thought running through my head.
I can’t make sense of one single thought that is running through my head.
Today marks a historical moment in my life, and that was the day my unwanted divorce was finalized because one night, I decided to explore like a Volcano.
Finalizing things between the two of us never made the pain any easier for him and me, but it did help me realize that one night my life could change in a heartbeat without anyone excepting how much or little.
Finalizing things made me not ready to deal with so much more natural stuff.
The only thing I can take away from finalizing the day was that I’m stronger than I ever gave myself credit.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
How does she go from feeling like his wife to feeling like the other women?
When it comes to staying on top of his business, she is his wife that only a wife should know about her husband.
She also finds herself becoming his slut when he remembers having a free pussy that he can play with when they felt like it or when other pussies would turn him down just because he was not worthy.
When it comes to pleasing him, she holds her own, but the only difference is that the same fire they once shared in that bedroom is now dying in the rest of the relationship.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Anytime things get tough, she finds herself contemplating when things were pretty not smooth but smooth enough to make her feel like she was at home.
She finally was able to say something that she hasn’t been able to communicate in years, and that was the fact that she never knew true happiness until things Disappeared, and she’s never been the same since.
She wants to be that girl that loved it loved harder than anything else that she ever did in her life.
She contributes to where she’s at today, and she acknowledges it. Still, it’s not enough to Acknowledge her wrongdoings when the other damage part can’t see I can’t recognize that she is taking full responsibility for contributing to her not feeling like herself or feeling safe.
She wants to go home, but she knows she doesn’t deserve to go home because once there’s a crack in the foundation of what you try to build, there’s no rebuilding; this is moving forward.
No one should want to rebuild on a broken foundation; everything built on should be brand new, so we know and understand that everything we are about to put on this foundation can over stand all the weight we are trying to place on this new foundation.
Home is safe.
Home is laughter.
Home is Love.
Home isn’t about being judged.
Home should have been wherever he was because he held her heart.
Home takes time to build it doesn’t happen overnight home takes time to make it doesn’t happen overnight, so be patient and work your most complex, so neither one misses out on something significant like a beautiful home within each other. So be patient and work your hardest so neither one misses out on something meaningful like a beautiful home within each other.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
He knows me better than I know myself.
He can finish my sentences before I can spend thinking about what I’m going to say.
All he has to do is look at me to know something is wrong, even though I keep telling him nothing is wrong.
It’s terrifying that he knows me even more than the people I have been around all my life.
When I thought no one was paying attention, he was in the shadows making sure taking note of every little thing that was me, or they could be me.
When I thought he was busy with other things and other people, he will be busy paying attention to me, but I was busy trying to destroy what I thought was no good because I was terrified to see all the way through.
Anytime things seemed way too good, of course, I had to fuck it up because I felt like I wasn’t worthy of anything good happening in my life, including him. After all, no one ever made me feel worthy of anything good happening to me or having anything good in my life.
Years Worthiness. Later, I’ve come to terms with the fact that no one could ever make me feel worthy but myself I have to convince myself and tell myself that I’m worthy of the good things out of life, and then I don’t need constant praise from people because that’s the only way I’m going to come to terms with mine Worthiness.
I am angry within myself for letting him go when he is the only one who knows me.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
A piece of paper is just a piece of paper with no words, but anytime I find myself with a bit of paper in my hand, I can see myself in every single word I use because every word I use describes some part of me.
Trust is an essential piece of any relationship people can have with each other.
A relationship needs a base to stand on; no support means no foundation to hold it up to build as a united.
When building a relationship, no piece of the foundation can be missing because no one will feel safe doing a simple walkthrough.
No trust means no relationship,
No confidence means no real love or strong enough foundation to build on something we can both be proud of.
Ms. Butterfly 🇩🇴
A lifetime is simple forever.
A lifetime is a chance to grow together. Also, understand that it’s okay to be our person outside of our forever.
Lifetime should be something that no other human being besides God can pull apart.
Lifetime is the commitment that someone should make only in their lives because they know they found the one.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
When building relationships, there are steps to follow:
Such as let’s start as friends.
Let’s be transparent as we can be. I want to know that I’m looking at my best friend.
Knowing that the person, I’m sharing a body with respect enough to understand there is more than sex that holds a relationship together.
Communication
Trust
Honesty
Growth as a couple and individual people, so the two parties involved can become a more robust unit.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
What hurts the most is a title to one of my favorite songs. That song has always brought me to a happy place anytime I need a comfortable position.
There is a specific line in this song that has always caught my heart & that line is being so close and watching you walk away.
That line catches my heart because I thought I was clear on what I needed from someone who was my best friend and knew me better than me.
There were times when words were unwanted because useless to us; all that was required at times was a simple touch of some kind; everything was better.
If I must be honest, what hurts the most today is that I don’t have the comfort of that simple I Contacts with my best friend anymore and wishing I did.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
She falls in love with her best friend.
Friendship without expecting anything in return made that much easier for them to fall in love.
Falling in love with him came to nature, and later on, that friendship foundation was the one thing that helped her discover if it is love or was it just a friendship that she was lusting over and nothing more.
Late-night conversations.
I was laughing for no reason.
Knowing who she was without trying to find out what she held between her legs was the most powerful statement of their friendship could ever stand.
Being vulnerable and not being judged spoke volumes of the type of person he was. He gave her strength when she didn’t have any.
He gave her his arms so she could feel safe in them, and those arms never hurt her, and most importantly, those arms were there to protect her.
We will fight until the sun came up, but we would never go to bed without saying I love you, and crazy enough, he knew she loved him before she dared to tell him.
The best part of having him as her best friend was she never needed to pretend with him because he knew her and knew what she needed and what she needed was not anything store-bought but just someone who is always going to keep a smile on the face and accept me as me.
Her best friend constantly challenged her but never made her feel like the crap on the bottom of the shoe he taught her instead of talking down to her, and he also gave me strength when she was weak.
He made her better when she couldn’t make herself better; he taught her that we would be good as long as they were right.
Loving her best friend was not easy, but it was worth the fight because we wanted to win and never lose; what brought us together one day was our friendship.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
It hurts to be the bigger person, but it needs to be done, especially if I want his friendship.
Friendship is better than not having anything at all.
Being just friends is a new role for everyone in this Playing field, but I know we can make it happen if we both want it.
As a couple, we tried to make things work, but it just didn’t happen, so now we are in two different places in our lives. We know, The next best thing is to be each other’s cheerleaders and watch each other succeed career-wise and in the love department because everyone deserves it.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Breakups are unavoidable.
We need some pain so we can build ourselves into better people.
When it comes to matters of the heart, there’s no better reason to rebuild when your heart has been broken 1000 times over.
Anyone can rebuild their hearts; we have to through a checklist of questions of why me how when, and even sometimes where was I because sometimes we don’t even see those breakups coming, or we just like turning a blind eye to it because it would hurt too much too fed up to separation.
Whatever the case may be and you break up is difficult, but we have choices that we can make; we can give ourselves time to wallow in our self-pity because we know what happened and we know where we went wrong, or we take can take our break up as a learning experience.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
I don’t want to look back because that might be blurring my future.
I don’t want to look back because I leave the door to relive something ugly that never builds me up but was strong enough to break me down.
Looking back has left me questioning if I can see a future with my future person when I am busy holding on to a past that doesn’t want me.
I have always heard that if people can glaze at their history once in a blue, I would never appreciate the person who was supposed to be my future, but it can’t be because I’m stuck in my past.
How can I not be expected to look back when everything I choose to put myself through has made me the woman I am today, someone reliable, and won’t settle for anything less than what she deserves?
Holding on to my past has left a crazy taste in my mouth even worse; it has left me second-guessing myself if I could have been that person.
Honest to god, I believe that I could have been that person if I could have been truthful with myself and my future. But, instead, I struggle with accuracy and letting go because letting go of no return is the biggest struggle because I have to deal with things that I have never wanted to negotiate.
If I could be myself with my future, I could have had that unconditional love that every woman dreams of.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
I don’t know if we will ever get things on track.
Getting things on track is letting go of the old stuff and building on new chapters.
Those chapters have to include being each other’s best friends and understanding that we both came in with not so innocent past before our first hello.
I know that if I’m not ashamed of where and who I have been with, I should have no problem sharing my history with someone who will be a part of my life.
I could never be ashamed of my past because my past has made me & has also helped me grow into the person I’m today.
I have never been the type to expose myself because my past is just that of my past.
Why should my past play a part in my future?
My future is being with someone who could be my best friend.
My future is being able to grow old with someone.
My future is about not letting outsiders’ influencers influence what our love should be.
My past marks my future should have been not by an outsider. But by the one who states to love me.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
Close the door before allowing another door to open.
Closing the door on something like your past makes sure that the person closing that door is ready for something new.
If not, we can find ourselves with a messy front door, asking ourselves if everything we are doing is for the right reasons.
We should only open another door when we have worked on ourselves well enough to know that we are not trying to open the door for anyone to make us whole to have someone add something to our lives that we have never had in another relationship.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis🇩🇴
Anytime a relationship comes to an end, it’s difficult for both parties involved.
When both parties understand everything they have put in the relationship, it hasn’t been enough to keep them happy
What has been for so many years?
That’s why I can’t help but have a confused look on my face as I take pen to paper.
I am confused because this hasn’t been any relationship for me; this has been life-saving.
How can I say goodbye to someone who has saved me from myself?
Someone who has put aside their life activities to show me I have more to offer the world than I credit for.
So with all that said, I decided to open up my mouth and share my feelings, hoping it would open the conversation lines.
Communication is a true blessing to those who believe in it.
A relationship is an opportunity for people to get to know each other as friends first.
Friendship allows people to discover the little things that others will never know.
A relationship is knowing and understand that both parties have a passed & before anyone can move into something new that gave as to stay just that a passed.
Old bags can drag down the best relationships in the world.
A relationship is all about building together and discovering the possibilities of one day being one.
A relationship is also understanding there is no such thing as being perfect.
Being perfect is not and something we should not strive to be. But, being who we are on a day-to-day basis?
A relationship is also knowing each other weaknesses and strengths. Not playing on those emotions is an essential part of any good relationship.
A relationship should never be about losing oneself but gaining a better understanding that someone should not make you who you are but add to the person we know you are.
A relationship is not about changing people; it’s about accepting them for who they are. If we have to change who we are or our partners, then what’s the point.
A relationship is the work of two people, not just one.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
Feeling wrong about what anyone has to say about me should no longer make me feel bad about myself since I have heard bad things about myself since I can remember.
It’s not new stuff. It is the usual something like, damn, she means or why she has to ask me instead of someone else?
When people say that I am mean or even call me out of my name, it hurts but, I believe what gets to me the most is when people try to make it seem like I rather bother them than get off my ass and do things myself.
I wish I could tell them you fuck off, and you should try to rely on someone 24 hours, seven days a week, and have the same person that you depend on, making you feel like shit just because they can.
The rule of life is no one should bite the hands that feed you, but, in my case, I shouldn’t bite the hand that feeds me or helps me with my daily life task. So I don’t say anything.
I swallow things like garbage disposal, hoping that one day I can forget things.
The sad thing is no matter how much I try to tell people that they have hurt me, they will never get it because they have no idea what it is like to live trapped in their bodies.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I felt things that I never thought I could feel again.
The best feeling I have been able to feel in a long time is that school girl crush.
I could smile without someone making me feel like I should not be.
Texting for hours gave me a reason never to go to sleep because the moment I allowed my eyes to close, I would miss something that could be important.
Worked days seem longer than ever.
I could not wait to see messages that would bring butterflies to my stomach.
Even with all the beautiful things that he has made me feel incredibly unique, unforgettable came a lot of resentment and many unsolved problems that always have a way of sneaking in but never sneaking back out.
I guess it’s true what people say you fight the most with the people you love, but then again, you have to know within yourself when it’s time to say goodbye to the one love. We are afraid to see love turn into hate.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis🇩🇴
I’m not trying to question his motives, but I can’t help myself.
Doubting myself in and doubting someone who wanted me has always been easy.
The most challenging part of getting close to someone is not feeling like someone’s experiments or a charity case.
I’ve been through such difficult times in my life; that’s why everyone around me is questionable, including myself, because I’m not sure if they accept me for me or not. So secretly, I’m not sure if I allow myself or stop looking at myself like in experiments because that’s how everyone has ever treated me.
I want to allow him into my life without the fear of feeling like it will blow up in my face again. I know better than to judge people because people are always judging me, but it’s tough not to sit back and think of all the negative things that have to me. I know it’s easier to fear the unknown than to worry about what she knows.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Every pain is different.
I’m in so much pain I can’t, and I won’t name it.
Besides the pain, I feel right now, and I think so, I’m so unlucky.
I am unlucky because I sit on the sidelines, watching everyone around me find or be in love with those who love them.
I was sitting on the sidelines, wondering when, how, or why is it not me?
I don’t envy anyone who is or who is looking for love.
The number one relationship she has always worked on is the one she can hold with herself.
She can’t hold a relationship with anyone if she can save the most important relationship with herself.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
A bad day just because it was only one of those days.
Then I believe god plackets my lost & found in my hands to take me back to the happiest moments.
Many people, including myself, have been caught out there saying there is no time to look back, always look forward but, I could not help myself and go through my lost and found.
Going through those things made me realize that I have lost my smile and my playfulness side.
Everything that I found was magical because I could place myself back to where, when, and how of each moment that happened.
I want to be that fearless female that I found in those cards and letters. That Erika that was loved unconditionally and I loved so hard it felt like Bonnie and Clyde nothing could break them but, truthfully, life happened, so things slowly disappear.
God works in mysterious ways. All I can say is thank you.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis🇩🇴
I never quit on you because quitting on you would have been like leaving myself.
I have never been a quitter.
I’m too strong of a person to quit.
I also know when it’s time to let go.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis🇩🇴
She never thought she would lose people she thought were her friends over a man but the lack of respect between people.
When we tend to lose our Friendships is because things begin to change within that friendship or relationship.
To put in black and white people grow apart and have no
room in what is supposed to be your new happy life.
We are supposed to keep it accurate with our girlfriends without being disrespectful to our girlfriends or partner.
As women, we need to understand we don’t have to get along with whoever our friends are dating. Yes, girlfriends have the right to look out for each other but, the thing is, let’s do it in a respectful way that would not put a strain on the friendship.
Your friends don’t have to like your partner but need to try and
respect who that person represents in your life.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis🇩🇴
I’m not smart enough for you.
I’m not beautiful enough for you.
I’m not even sexy enough for you.
I’m not enough woman for you.
She feels broken anytime she hears those words coming out of the person’s mouth supposed to love her the most.
Those who love us the most end up hurting our souls the most.
With every nasty word that comes towards her, she begins to believe in those words and begins questioning herself.
She will take her power back to her spirit and soul by turning all those negatives into positives.
I‘m smart.
I’m beautiful.
I’m strong.
I’m sexy.
I’m woman enough for myself.
She does not receive confirmation from anyone who feels good about themselves when making others feel bad about themselves.
She stands strong alone than with someone who won’t see her.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I have many walls that stop people from getting to know me or how I am feeling.
Breaking down these walls means letting go of all the negative things that have held me back from moving forward like I know I should be doing.
Letting go of things that have always been with me is scary to let go simply because I don’t know if I will stop myself after opening the door to my closet.
Breaking down these walls always seemed impossible because I have never felt ready to deal with my past because I have a hurtful past, and to face that has brought me much pain and is like asking for a slow death.
Breaking down these walls is like stripping myself naked and allowing my soul to show so everyone can see what I have been holding in for so many years, and by doing that, people might understand why I have never felt like I belong to anyone in my life.
I‘m scared to strip myself naked with no walls to hide behind, so I can feel safe and protect myself from other things that might hurt me or hurt my soul.
Breaking down these walls would mean leaving me open to feeling the pain that I have been able to lock away for so long just because I never felt like I had to deal with the hurt or the problem.
Leaving myself stripped away might bring my death simply because it is too much pain for me to handle.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
Why keeping cutting myself?
If all I do is cover my body with unnecessary scars, relieve the pain running through my body.
Watching the blood run down my arm feels good because that’s the only way of letting go of the pain that chokes me every day of my life.
I feel I am choking because I don’t know how to open & allow the pain inside me.
Cutting helps for the moment, but then I’m left wondering when it will all stop for me.
Is it going to stop the day the blood in my veins stops running through my body?
Ms. Butterfly Genesis🇩🇴
THE GREAT THING ABOUT LOVING ONESELF IS ACCEPTING ALL THE GREAT THINGS & ALL NOT GREAT THINGS ABOUT WHO SOMEONE ELSE IS.
LOVING ME IS UNDERSTANDING THAT I WAS BORN TO BE A BITCH.
LOVING ME IS UNDERSTANDING THAT I LIVE IN MY PRINCESS WORLD WITH DIFFERENT PERSONALITIES.
LOVING ME IS UNDERSTANDING THAT I HAVE A NASTY HABIT OF SPEAKING WITHOUT THINKING BECAUSE I FEEL LIKE I AM ALWAYS GOING TO BE RIGHT.
LOVING ME IS KNOWING I’M ALWAYS GOING TO DO WHAT MY HEART WANTS NO MATTER WHO AGREES OR WHO DISAGREES &, THE REASON I FEEL THIS WAY IS BECAUSE MY DISABILITY HAS SO MUCH CONTROL OVER MY BODY.
I HATE WHEN PEOPLE FEEL LIKE THEY SHOULD DICTATE HOW I’M GOING TO MOVE THROUGHOUT THE REST OF MY LIFE.
LOVING ME IS UNDERSTANDING I LOVE HARD BECAUSE I FALL IN LOVE WITH THE IDEA OF BEING IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE.
LOVING ME IS UNDERSTANDING. LOVING ME IS NEVER GOING TO BE EASY.
LOVING ME IS UNDERSTANDING THAT THOSE WALLS THAT I HAVE BUILT THROUGHOUT THE YEARS MUST COME DOWN SLOWLY WITH LOVE PATIENCE.
LOVING ME IS NOT TRYING TO CHANGE WHO I AM AS A PERSON. BUT TO ADD TO THE PERSON, I AM.
LOVING ME IS KNOW I’M FEAR TO FAIL AT THOSE THINGS THAT PEOPLE TELLING I AM GOOD AT, SUCH AS MY WRITING SKILLS, LOVING SOMEONE & HAVING THEM LOVE ME RIGHT BACK.
THE BIGGEST THING I FEAR OF FAILING AT IS FAILING MYSELF BY PUTTING SOMEONE ELSE NEEDS & WANTS BEFORE MY OWN.
THE BEST THING I HAVE LEARNED ABOUT LOVING MYSELF REALIZES WHEN LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH FOR ME.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
Understanding the first real relationship anyone should have is with themselves. The reason is that we can define real love in ourselves, so when someone else decides to join our lives, we don’t get stuck encompassing love through them.
Self_love has the strength to put ourselves first and know that everything will be okay with the people around us if we stop catering, and they learn how to become self-sufficient.
Value who we are before demand anyone else to value who we are or who we are becoming.
RESPECT
HONESTY
LOYALTY
JUST LOVING US & NOT CHANGING TO PLEASE ANYONE ELSE BUT WHO WE ARE IS SELF-LOVE.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
Saying that she doesn’t care about me would be very unfair because I have seen with my own eyes what she has given up for me.
I have to be honest with myself and her. She has made me feel like I can’t get anything done for myself if she is not by my side.
That’s far from the truth because I believe in myself like I would love for her to believe in me.
For once, I don’t want her to see my chair or my physical limitations; I need her to see me as a person first.
As a person, I know right from wrong, and I also know that life is not easy for anyone to live, but it’s extra challenging because of my disability.
I understand that I am not considered typical for many people out in the real world. & I shouldn’t want my independence from my family, but I guess what I have struggled with most in life is not being seen or heard by the person who has had the strength to bring me into this crazy world.
I have always accepted the unexpected from strangers, but my mom is strict because I have seen her push my other siblings to want a better life.
As much as my disability plays such a big part in my day-to-day life, I would one day look behind me & see her push me to succeed in my own life & become that independent woman striving to be.
My limitations need to stop being seen as a life sentence and my motivation to show myself that anything is possible as long as I believe in who I am.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
Love can’t break anyone unless we give someone the power to crush us with love.
Love is a feeling that most of us fear because love is a blind game that people struggle to trust.
After all, love is an emotion that can’t be seen; people can feel what’s going on when happy or broken.
Don’t give someone the power to break us because no one Can make us whole.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
So emotionally, and I can’t help but think of you today because today was the day you made your debut into the world.
You came into my life much later, and you were an absolute blessing because you gave me a new way to look at the world. After all, I was able to see the world through those innocent eyes of yours.
I can honestly say that was the most relaxed experience ever because you didn’t see the bad in anyone, and you trusted everyone around you.
The innocence and colossal heart you hold within yourself made falling in love with you that much easier.
I’m so glad that you & your beautiful mom gave me the chance to be a part of your life for as long as you and she did. But, I don’t want to speak about sad things.
Today is a day of celebration of life, and you become a young man. I have many wishes for you.
The first wish is very obvious. I wish that God continues to bless you with excellent health and more love than you can handle.
My second wish for you is that you know how much everyone you have ever contacted loves you because even though there’s a distance between us, I still love you like crazy.
My third wish is that everything you wish for yourself comes true because you are one of the most deserving human beings, but I know in the world.
So as you blow out your candles, the third wish is that everything you wish for yourself comes true because you are one of the most deserving human beings, but I know in the world.
So as the blog you, I hope and pray that all your wishes come true today and tomorrow, and forever. I hope and pray that all your wishes come true today and tomorrow and forever.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I have so much stuff on my mind; I am surprised that I have not ended up in the crazy house with the rest of the stupid people.
I know being a part of this world, I can’t be everything to everyone. So all I can try to do is be that support system I did not have while growing up.
How can I be wrong for trying to be someone’s supports system? What’s crazy to me is they cannot see the same blood running through me is running through them, and before jumping down my throat, please realize my blood runs through you too.
Friends and relationships come and go, but family is the only thing that will forever have your back for the rest of your life.
I know I should be the last to speak about guys coming and going, but I learned my family will always be there. Once I chose my husband over the people I could count on, I was sure that he was still there for me.
So I thought I would never need them because I had him, or at least I thought I did.
So I understand how you feel; trust me, I’ve been there.
That is the only reason I don’t want you to go down the same road as me because that road is lonely and dark.
I also know that you need to fall before walking straight into life and growing as a person.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
She is a little girl that only knows a mother’s love.
She has no clue what a father’s love should be because there is no imprint of what a father is.
As a young lady, she begins to look for love to fill that space that only a father can supply for a daughter.
I never understood that a father is supposed to be protected, not an abuser.
She begins to find herself in situations that make her believe that as long as her body is cover in black & blue, that means that she is loved.
Fatherless Daughters
Black & Blue has never been a sign of love.
The sign of love is & should always be red.
The only way our fatherless daughters are ever going to learn about true love is by learning self-love; self-love respects one’s body as a temple.
Also, understanding that giving our bodies away doesn’t always mean love.
Fathers are the first relationships we have as little girls & young women we have & use those relationships to help us choose someone like our fathers.
Stop making us fatherless daughters & become the man that we should dream of.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
I know his name.
I saw his face whenever he was home.
There were a few times where I
would have some insurrection with him.
Even with minor Insurrection between us, I still find myself with daddy issues.
I have a daddy to say I have a daddy.
I never got to know a daddy because it felt like he was not around even when he was around.
A Daddy that never got the chance to know who I was as his baby girl & now the adult woman who stands before him.
She is no longer looking for her daddy because she would be looking for something she has never had.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
When a man has their first daughters, they learn a different language of love.
Daughters know how to melt any man’s heart.
At least that’s what we are supposed to do to our daddy’s heart.
My situation was different; my father was around for a while, at least physically, but he was like a ghost emotionally.
Until he disappeared for good, I had no actual role model of a man to treat women.
Every little girl wants to be daddy’s little girl.
To feel protected by her daddy as well as love by her daddy.
All I got was my daddy back, wondering if he would turn around and face me for the last time.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
Humble
Humility
Gratitude
Unconditional Love
Unselfish putting my needs before her own.
Having the feeling like superwoman, even if that means dragging herself to care for me when I understand that she should not be caring for me anymore, I should be making sure that she is being taken care of as the queen that she is.
I know that she has always tried to show me that no matter what, she would always be my #1, but I never truly understood that until our relationship of her being my caregiver completely changed.
We always struggled to have that mother-daughter relationship. I have always felt like my mom has never seen me as me. My mother instead continues to see me as her disabled daughter. She is on this earth to protect. So I struggled to understand that she is a mom who wants more for her offspring than she could have, had for herself as a mom.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
When women decided to become mothers, it was an honor that god blessed.
Being a mother is a gift that should not be taken for granted, even though many of us take it for granted because we don’t always do the best for everything for that tiny human that has grown inside us for nine months.
It takes more than someone calling us mommy for us to be acknowledged as mothers.
A mother is supposed to be a nature.
A mother is supposed to be a teacher.
Most importantly, the mothers are supposed to be protectors.
Unfortunately, some women choose to be women first over being mothers to their children.
His body was violated by someone that was supposed to handle his daily care, and she was just busy being a woman to notice that there was something wrong with her son.
How could anyone be so dam busy for someone who lived inside them without a care in the world? A mother’s job is to protect, and she failed him as his protector.
MY PERSONAL OPINION IS ONCE WE BECOME MOTHERS BEING A WOMAN SECOND TO HER FIRST JOB.
NO MATTER HOW SORRY SHE MIGHT BE, HE WILL NEVER GET HIS INNOCENCE BACK.
IF YOU RATHER BE A WOMAN FIRST THEN, YOU SHOULD HAVE MADE A BETTER DECISION FOR YOURSELF AND THAT OTHER LIFE.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
I want to raise a daughter to believe in herself.
I want to raise a daughter to know she can be whatever she wants to be as long as she puts her mind to it.
I want to raise a daughter to understand that being a female is incredible.
I want to raise a strong daughter.
I want to raise a daughter who understands that her self-worth doesn’t mean laying on her back.
I want to raise a daughter to know that her body is a temple, and not everyone deserves it.
I want to raise a daughter who knows that she does not need a man to define her.
I want to raise a daughter who knows how she is powerful because she is a woman.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
It’s crazy; it doesn’t matter how old I get or how much time passes; her words always seem to affect me in the worst way possible.
I had a bizarre awakening moment today. That moment was that no matter how much time goes by, I’m always going to be the target that she shoots that I don’t know or understand the purpose of her shooting at me, but the fact that she able to do it and it still affects me it drives me crazy.
The second moment of clarity that I had today was that you should never tell your child specific things, no matter how old your child gets. No matter how upset you might be or the pain your body might be going through.
As a child and now as an adult, it’s tough for me to believe those words that flow out of her Mouth.
When she gets every chance, she must remind me that her body is breaking down because of all the things she had to do to take care of me as far as lifting, bringing up, and down four flights of stairs so I may go to school every day.
Many people reading this piece might not believe that I am grateful for a superwoman. I know how lucky I am that she chose to have me, but I can’t help and question how doesn’t she ever want me to feel like a burden When the words that come out of her Mouth make me feel more than just a commitment to her and everyone else around me?
There are certain things that, as a mom, I could never tell my child, like my body is the way it is because I gave my very best to you, and now I can’t function well enough to do my everyday task. I’ve been in many pieces before. I never chose to be here; that was A conscious decision that she took upon herself; if it were up to me, I probably would’ve decided not to help me, but she did, so why should I be blamed for something that I have no control over and she knows this.
I have never felt like a blessing but a burden To her.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
Who is going to speak for that little girl who has no voice?
Who will make that little girl feel like she belongs no matter what anybody else might have to say?
Who will protect and keep this little girl safe?
Who is going to teach that little girl she is enough?
The only way a little girl will understand she is enough is when we take it upon ourselves as a unit to build that little girl up to understand the powerful human being she is; the main reason is powerful is that she has a voice that matters.
As moms of little girls, we have the right to teach them how to love themselves, respect themselves and their bodies. Little girls always want to feel loved and wanted, and one of those ways we can teach them to love themselves is by reminding them every day that they’re beautiful, powerful and trustworthy, and independent.
Let’s stand in front of a mirror with our daughters and repeat every day how beautiful and intelligent they are and how loved they are no matter what, no matter who they are.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
I wish I could speak to her without getting upset, but I just can’t because of all the things that come out of her mouth.
My whole body feels like it’s on fire, and that’s why anytime I begin to talk, it sounds like I’m fighting.
I’m not trying to compete with the woman who has given up her youth to make sure I had the chance to live.
I know I should think about how or what I will say to her before saying things that could break a mother’s heart.
A mother who has forgotten about herself to become the best mom she could be to all her children.
My mom is the iron fist that keeps us together as one & the day God calls her to be with him; I’m seriously going to feel it the most because I know I’m no longer going to have her here asking me 50 times a day if I had something to eat or to treat me like baby me when I’m sick.
I understand the biggest reason I could see my 35 years of life is that I have a superwoman as my mom, and I genuinely thank God every day for my super mom.
I find myself frustrated with her in the same breath because I feel like I don’t have the proper communication to tell her what I would love out of life but, most importantly, what I would enjoy out of myself as a person.
The main thing I would like for myself is to find my strengths and weaknesses and understand that I’m so much more than just the limitations my disability has placed in my life.
I feel the only way I can discover these things is if I break away from her.
Knowing that I get my strength from you because you have shown me there is no time to be weak.
Knowing that I find the most comfort when I can put my soul & heart on paper.
It’s also about no longer being a burner to her & also giving her life back to enjoy what’s left of her life before it’s too late.
Knowing that I am trying to find my independence from her will not lay in a man’s arms.
It’s about having something that’s mine & no one else has a voice in that place but for me.
Knowing me is knowing that she is my everything, and even though I struggle, showing her that she is the most important person to me.
I would love to show her beyond words how important & grateful I’m to her.
I feel the only way I can show her just how important she is to me is by showing her that I can stand on my own two feet & there is no need for her to worry about me if something were to happen to her because she got a chance to see me put things together for myself.
She knew that I use to live in fear of saying & doing things I wanted to do for myself because I was not too fond of the world judging me.
As I start to live for myself, I learned that I have the right to decide for myself, and no one else has the right to judge me.
God is the only one who can pass judgment on what I might want to do with my life.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴
People would say that the hardest thing for any woman is knowing that something is growing and moving inside.
It has been a fantastic experience to feel that a piece of her moves inside of her, letting her mom know that she is very much alive and ready to take this crazy journey together.
The tricky part of this journey is if She can go through this journey simply because she knows that she wants more than she can give this little person living inside her.
Feeling every movement is a gift.
What makes these precious moments more difficult is knowing that she has to make a decision that no one should make in their lifetime, but it needs to be done because the most important decision she needs and not what she wants.
Your heartbeat is proper to undermine.
You are a little mini-me, and you were conceived, love.
I don’t want you to ever feel like giving up; you were my first and easiest thought. That is so far from the truth if I could have kept you inside my belly instead of placing you in strangers’ arms.
Please understand that I did what was best for you, and if you no longer being in my arms, you have a better life without me; it breaks me, but it also puts a smile on my face because I was able to be unselfish and free you.
Love comes in different ways, and giving a better life to those we love is the best way to show unconditional love.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
It’s been a minute since I have put my thoughts on paper or my laptop because the best writing is when I can feel it and make others feel what I’m going through.
Here I’m pouring out my heart again.
My mother feels like I’m ungrateful for everything she does for me or that I don’t understand that one day God will call her up to his kingdom to become one of his Angel that my life wouldn’t be the same.
Yes, I have older siblings who love me dearly, but nothing is like a mother loving her child.
She is the one who gets up with me when I am not feeling well.
She is the one that dirty her hands are wiping my ass when no one else is willing to because to everyone else, that’s just nasty to clean someone else ass, but to her, it’s like second nature.
She has become my full-time aid when the aids don’t show up or when they do show up, and they realize they can’t do the job for whatever reason.
Here she comes to save the day without a second thought, just like any mom helping their child.
How can she think I am not grateful? I am just not the type of person who does not voice my opinion or agree with everything she says only because, without her, my day-to-day becomes too complete hold.
My mom has given up her own life, but not only that, but she has also given up the chance of having her personal life too.
I’m blessed to have such a strong mom, just like a rock, but having her as a foundation comes with more weight than I would like.
I’m not perfect, and I’m not trying to be.
I don’t mind rocking the many different boats I may have in my life.
I don’t mind fighting.
I know I can be disrespectful at times by what I say and how I say things, but if I could be honest, the only thing I should apologize for is how I say something.
What I’m not going to do is apologize for is my feelings or speaking up for myself.
I know she feels that I should say yes to everything that comes out of her mouth or disrespectfully talk to her as I do because she has sacrificed so much already.
The knowledge that she has made sacrifices.
I will probably sound like a real bitch right now, but with all the sacrifices she has made for me, I had no idea she was making them, and I didn’t ask her to make them.
So why should I have her sacrifices over my head? Anytime I open my mouth. I understand that God is the only one who knows what my life could have been if she hadn’t made those sacrifices.
All I’m saying is that I’m tired of hearing that I need to be grateful to her because she has given up her youth.
She made that choice to have me, and no, I am not trying to say that just because she chooses to have me doesn’t mean she should put up with my disrespectful ass.
I’m trying to say that we all make a choice that might seem right at the time for us; at the time doesn’t always mean it’s going to stay the same all the way through. I’m grateful that she had me, but how much longer must I hear that she has given up so much for me?
Ms. Butterfly Genesis🇩🇴
She was not planned but not unwanted, just a real surprise from God itself.
Even though she never developed into her little person, I was lucky enough to feel her heartbeat next to mine.
So we were bonded way before you became my little girl angel.
As my first & only baby girl, I have so much to say to you, and I have to let you know that you would have been named after the person I admire the most, and that person is your grandmother.
My little angel of love.
My heartbeat will always be with yours, even though many people did not understand my decision to keep you.
All I understood was that a human life needed me & I needed her in my life.
God knows why things happen and why he chooses not to keep you with me.
Even though every single part of me is in my sweet little angel girl, the only thing that gives me comfort is understand that no matter I am still your mom.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Mom, I am not coming to you like your daughter, but like the woman I am.
I understand that seeing me as anything more than a woman is difficult because you probably thought we would not make it this far, but you and I are here.
The place that I find myself with her is simple. I am somewhere I would like to challenge myself by finding out who I am, even with all the limitations that my disability has placed on me that I can make it.
I know that being out on my own is a scary thing for you, and I am not going to lie; it’s frightening for me too, but for totally different reasons than your own.
As a mom, I understand that it’s your job to worry about me because I am the baby you have sacrificed the most. After all, I needed you the most.
Mom, I know one of your most significant worries is who will care for me if you pass on.
I also worry about what would happen to me if. my arms and legs weren’t here for me, and you have always said that I would be pass on to my siblings but, if I could be honest, I would hate to be passed around like a yo-yo when I know my siblings have a family of their own. Like my siblings, I would like to be on my own even though I understand that I will never be totally on my own with my condition.
My condition will never allow it, and I think to myself, what other choice do I have.
Live the rest of my life with you, and never experience life for myself.
I am not sitting here asking you for permission to live my own life; all I would like for you to see is that you have always raised me to know right from wrong and, that should also mean I should know what’s the best thing for me to do for my life.
I would understand why at times, it would be difficult for you to believe that I would know what would be the best thing for me because of my past mistakes, but I don’t look at them as mistakes; it was the things I needed to go through so I could grow as a person.
Mom, I could never forget everything you have given up so I may grow into the woman I am today.
Today’s woman has to do with the kind of mom and woman you show me you are.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I don’t know if we have ever had a mother and daughter relationship where I could be myself and not fear your reaction about anything that might come out of my mouth.
I am with pen and paper, hoping that you may see me through my words since you struggle to see who I am in person.
I struggle to have any relationship with you because you can’t see me as your daughter you love and have watched me grow into a beautiful woman.
You have struggled with me as your daughter, let alone as a woman, because of my disability.
My limitations should never be that wall that keeps us from building that relationship I have needed in my heart of hearts.
I know she was born with a disability.
I could never forget that I cannot function without others helping me.
I am not asking you to forget my disability either, but I am asking you to see me beyond my limitations and see me as just your daughter.
From the first breath I took into my body to stay alive and become who I am today in my life, the daughter who has fought for her life.
Who I am is someone reliable and someone who has never seen limitations for herself.
I know someone is looking at those limitations for me.
I am not blind; I see that I will need help for the rest of my life to live a healthy life like everyone else around me is living, but that does not mean I should not have a life of my own.
You will always worry because you are a mom, which is part of your job.
I love the fact that you love me as much as you do because, with all the love you have poured into me, I have been able to keep going in this crazy world but, there has been a downfall in your loving me as much as you do and, that is your struggle to let me go.
I understand it’s not easy to let your baby go, and I am not trying to say it should be easy, but if you don’t work on it, you will never know my abilities because my limitations will always hold you from letting me go.
I deserve my own life, and you deserve your life back because all your kids are grown, but I know you cannot have your own life if you are always busy worrying about me and my care.
I love you because I know what you have given up so I may have a chance at life, and I am not trying to break free from it because I am ungrateful.
You have always told people that you have allowed me to find myself as a person, but I don’t see how you have allowed me to find myself as a person when you still see me as a five-year-old little girl that is always going to need her mommy just because I’m disabled.
I will always need my mom, but not because I am disabled; you are my strength teacher and just my whole life.
I hope one day, not too far away. Then, you can see me as your daughter and not just your disabled daughter that has all these limitations.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis🇩🇴
Giving my room a makeover isn’t going to help me emotionally.
Yeah, my room would look beautiful because it does need a facelift.
It’s funny how she can come out of her face and says that she is disappointed in me, but what about the disappointment I hold inside about how I feel like a broken doll that she has not been allowed to think for herself.
I don’t get me started on how they make me feel. I’m just a piece of furniture that when people feel like it, they come by and say hello.
When I speak to outsiders, they tell me maybe if I should try a little hard to connect with the people I call my family, I agree, but then I begin thinking about all the ugly things I have heard them say about me.
Things like I’m not trustworthy; big mouth bitch lair your part of this family; no one likes you, and your dull.
It’s funny when she says that she is disappointed in me and that she has yet to see me as a woman but struggles with the thought of womanhood with me because of my disability.
The little ways I have made for myself have been behind her back because I always felt like she has put God’s fear.
, After all, she has never wanted me to have the same outcomes as my older siblings.
If I can be truthful, I would have to say that I have a lot more difficult because I can’t sit and have a conversation with her without her barking at me before completing my first sentence. Also, she has never been affectionate towards me.
I have struggled in my relationship with men because I don’t have a positive relationship with her regarding trust and being honest with people.
I don’t even know if she knows that I have had a sexual relationship because she has never bothered to have sex talk with me. Probably because of the broken doll that I’m, I should not be sexually active.
I’m disappointed in myself because I’m almost 39 years old.
I’m still living at home, trying to find my way through life and how to make a name for myself.
I was disappointed because I’m not where I would like to be; instead of making over my room, why not just support me because you believe me.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
(I have no idea what it’s like to be a single mom, but I feel like they need recognition for all their hard work and sacrifice.)
A mother’s job begins when she decides that she is ready to share her life with another human being grown inside of her—not knowing that they will be growing together and fighting together.
It’s effortless to make a baby; the difficult part is knowing that you’re in this alone because the person you decided to have a child with doesn’t feel the need to share the responsibilities with you.
The job of a single mother never ends.
Being the mother and father is the most challenging job because we must play both roles simultaneously.
We can’t force men to become fathers if they don’t want to and if they can’t realize that the gifts that God has given them are the best gift they can ever receive from God.
That’s why, as women, we all have to be careful of who we choose to share ourselves with and want to become parents with because the kids are the ones that suffer.
As single mothers, we have to become superwomen.
After all, we don’t have time to break or think about anything else but need and then one because we have to make up for what they’re losing by not having a male figure in their lives.
This last part is for the men who believe that making a baby makes them a father.
I hate to break it to you just because you can make a baby does not make you a man; what makes a man is the one that sticks around to watch his children grow up and become something better than their fathers.
That’s why I believe God gave the gift of bearing children to women because he gave us the strength and the power in the knowledge to become mothers and fathers.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I am not a parent, but I am struggling to let go because I am the baby of my family, and most importantly, I have nothing but limitations that my disability places on my everyday life.
I understand that it is difficult for a parent to see their children leave the nest for a parent, but it’s part of growing up and becoming responsible adults in the world.
I believe that it is extra challenging for my mother to think that I would want to leave her because she has poured her heart and soul into me. After all, she knew that I did not have a fighting chance to live the life I have today without her.
I know that she believes that I don’t understand everything she has given up to raise me, and I know more than she thinks.
I understand that she has given up her own life so I could always be cared for like only a mother knows to care for their child but watching for me the way she has cared for me throughout my life has left me feeling smothered and wanting my wings so I may fly on my own.
Being my mom is a 24 hour day job, with no vacation time and no one else to give you a break if you need it. So I don’t make her job any more manageable. After all, I am willing to tell her off in a minute because no one else would understand my frustration when it comes to not caring for myself the way I would like.
I know that she gave me life, and she deserves all the respect in the world because I only have one mother, and she has given me all of her without a second thought of what that would mean for her life.
One of the things I am struggling with right now is her not understanding why I would like to be on my own or feeling ungrateful for everything she has given up.
I want to be on my own, I believe my disability should not stop me from deserving of my own life, and this is the only way I will find out what I was made up as a disabled person.
After 32 years of caring for me, she gets her life back, and she is free to do things that she has wanted to do but, because of me, she has turned away from those things.
I want her to live for herself and realize that she has been my biggest and best blessing in life, no matter where I might end up.
Ms.Butterfly Genesis
The biggest challenge I have for myself is knowing that nobody Else’s opinion matters but my own.
No one else’s opinion should matter because I am the one that has to live with my decisions; no one else does, and no one else has to understand why I made the decisions I made.
Having the ability to listen to other peoples’ opinions is great, but making up your mind is the best thing you can do because no one else will have your best interest at heart but yourself.
If anyone is going to live for anyone, you should live for yourself, no one else.
Whether Your decision is something people agree with or disagree with, it’s your life.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
People change in many ways because they go through those changes; two things can happen; people can grow together or grow apart. Some growth has to happen within ourselves, so we may know what kind of direction our lives should be taking. Change is letting go of those things and even those who stunt growth as people because they feel like they can.
Don’t stunt my growth because you don’t want to see a better me.
Don’t stunt my growth because you want to be the only person to bring something to the table.
Don’t stunt my growth because you are scared of the person I can become without you.
Don’t stunt my growth because you fear my success.
Growth is significant to those who need to learn about themselves
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Today was one of those days people can & should only dream about in my mind.
It was amazing
In incredible
Unforgettable
I lived every moment for what it was & not worry about tomorrow like most people choose to live.
All eyes are on me because of me & my dreams.
Dreams come true as long as I choose to believe in & those who choose not to believe in me give me the strength to keep going for what I want.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Learning who we are as a person doesn’t give others the right to define who We should be.
Strength doesn’t always mean physical strength; power is also understanding, or coming to terms with enough is enough.
If we can’t please ourselves in all areas of our lives, why would we please others in all possible ways?
The most important part of this piece for anyone reading this is it doesn’t matter what anyone might think of you as a person. Make sure you put yourself first as a person because you question yourself as a human.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
I’m a voice in this world.
As a voice in this world, I have the right to stand up for wrongful things.
If I silence myself or allow myself to be quiet, anyone will fall into being one of those who are afraid to stand up for anything.
I’m a voice in this world and being a voice. I have every right to speak my words. To make sure that words make others think or at least attempt to make some change.
These are the times we need to use our voice because we can’t keep falling for anything.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
She held this little human being in her belly, giving them a chance. She held this tiny human in her stomach, allowing them to bond and have an opportunity to become one soul with each other. Nine months to watch and feel something growing inside of her, she is a fantastic feeling for anyone who has wanted to be a mother.
A Child is a true blessing and miracle that everyone should experience in their own time. Still, she was not ready for that experience, so as she was signing this little life away, feeling like she was signing her death sentence.
Signing those papers was definitely like signing a part of herself away. But also understood that no matter what happened from this day forward, she would never be the whole because a part of her would be missing.
Being unselfish is knowing and understanding that this little human being deserved a better life than she was ready to give this little person. Giving life to another person was an incredible feeling for her because she had the opportunity to live every moment of every second, watching this little person come in and leave simultaneously.
Life is full of choices, and she chose life for this little person that will forever be full of questions but, there is one question this little person should never have, and that’s how much this human being is loved just because she was able to be unselfish by putting their needs before her. To bound and have an opportunity to become one soul with each other.
Nine months to watch and feel something growing inside of her, she is a fantastic feeling for anyone who has wanted to be a mother.
A Child is a true blessing and miracle that everyone should experience in their own time, but truthful speaking, she was not ready for that experience, so as she was signing this little life away she, felt like she was signing her death sentence.
Signing those papers was definitely like signing a part of herself away, and she also understood that no matter what she did from this day forward, she was never going to the entire whole because a part of her was going to be missing.
Being unselfish is knowing and understanding that this little human being deserved a better life than she was ready to give this little person.
Giving life to another person was an incredible feeling for her because she had the opportunity to live every moment of every second, watching this little person come in and leave simultaneously.
Life is full of choices, and she chose life for this little person that will forever be full of questions but, there is one question this little person should never have, and that’s how much this human being is loved just because she was able to be unselfish by putting their needs before her own.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Damn, I am 38 years old, and I am not usually the one that handles it that this damn wheelchair or the fact that you had to give up your own life to take care of me because my damn disability won’t allow me to be as independent as I would love to be.
Yes, I am indeed in a wheelchair for the rest of my life, and honestly, I am good with that because that’s the hand god dealt us. She gave up her life so I could have a chance at having my own life.
A list of things that she does for me
1.she gets me out of bed every day
I’m grateful for everything that she has done or given up on me. Although, sometimes, it might not seem that way because the things that have come out of my mouth are genuinely disrespectful.
I know there are better ways of communication, but I have not learned those skills yet.
I also understand that she hates when people hurt or try to hurt me, but I am grown.
She needs to start looking at me as a woman and not as a helpless little girl who will always need to help for the rest of her life.
Yes, it corrects that I am going to need someone to care for me.
We made it to 38 despite the disability, which is an accomplishment in itself. We made liars out of those doctors when they would say no, and God said yes; that should be an important reason she should be honored to see me as a woman because not one of us should be here to tell the story. Thirty-eight years later, and we still have more stories to tell. My wheelchair has never stopped me from having a personal life, so why should I have the power to prevent signs on my life when I have never allowed my chair to speak for me?
My chair has never been a stop sign, so I may have a relationship with whoever I choose to have in my life. However, I have never asked anyone to like who I was dating or pretend just for me.
All I have ever asked for is respect for who I am, and who I am is a woman that has not been perfect and has been caught in many lies because of my own doing. This chair does not make me less than any woman who is walking on two good legs. The chair is never going to go. Neither is the fact that I am no longer a little girl but a grown woman.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
Anytime I have time to look back on things that happen in my life, I feel like I did not get the chance to enjoy what I had because all I was doing was flying by, so there was no real-time see.
Flying by is another way I deal with my feelings and thoughts simply because I pass right through my emotions and dreams because right at that moment, it feels right, but then again, I am left feeling alone and feeling empty.
Flying by always seems more straightforward than sticking around and dealing with the bullshit that surrounds my life right now. Taking a stand for my life and things suitable for me.
One of the things I am best known for is flying by and not being strong enough to stay and face the ugly side of me because I am a lot happier, just flying by as everyone has done in my life.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis🇩🇴
LABELS ARE THINGS THAT HELP DESCRIBE PEOPLE, PLACES &
I DON’T BELIEVE ANYONE SHOULD BE LABEL.
WHEN ANYONE CAN WALK AROUND LABELING OTHER PEOPLE SO EASILY, IT’S BECAUSE THEY ARE FEAR OF THE UNKNOWN.
PUTTING LABELS ON PEOPLE WILL NEVER HELP US BECOME ONE; IT WILL JUST KEEP US DIVIDE.
It’s TIME TO STOP ALLOWING THESE DIFFERENT LABELS TO DIVIDE WHO WE KNOW WE ARE.
LABELS ARE JUST NAMES, NOT WHO WE BECOME.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis🇩🇴
I’m a child of no gender.
I’m a child of no color.
I’m a child who was taught to love everyone.
I’m a child that was told to be who you want to be, no matter what anyone else might have to say.
I’m a child of freedom of expression.
I’m a child who is gay & proud of it.
I’m a child with all these qualities, but the minute they discovered my sexuality, I was no longer that child.
No one’s sexuality changes who they are as people.
The main thing that changes people’s ignorance among themselves.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis🇩🇴
I am running one of the craziest races against myself because I want to know how far I can go before my body says no more.
I want to push myself on and beyond, but sometimes it seems impossible because time seems always to be running out, and I am left feeling like I could have done more if I had more time in the day to do things that I am passionate about.
I am racing against myself, hoping I could beat myself one day instead of having a time telling me when it is over.
Time always has been in charge of my daily life, and I feel like now I want and must be in order with my life. Honestly, I want to run my kind of race without having time to tell me what will happen next in my lap of life.
I feel like running my kind of race will allow me to explore myself better, and there is no clock telling me when I should stop or keep going because I am in charge of myself.
No one else is calling that shoots but me.
I am in the power of myself anytime I run my race only because I am running my own life, not thinking about what others might be saying of me just because I don’t want to run their race, but I want to run my own.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis
The Memoir Of Ms. Butterfly 