The Memoir Of Ms. Butterfly

To those I’ve hurt while I was hurting,

I’ve been writing letters lately—first to myself. An apology. Then a forgiveness. And now, this. The third in a chain I never thought I’d be strong enough to complete.

This one is the hardest.

I want to say I’m sorry. Not just in words, but in the way I show up now. In the way I listen. I no longer let my pain speak louder than my truth.

I lived inside a storm I hadn’t known how to name for a long time. I lashed out. I shut down. I made silence feel like punishment and honesty feel like war. I didn’t know how to say, “I’m hurting,” so I made others feel it instead. That wasn’t fair. That wasn’t love. That wasn’t me—not the me I’m becoming.

I used to crave validation like oxygen. If anyone could see, understand, and get me, maybe I’d finally be okay. But I’ve learned that the most powerful validation comes from within. From looking in the mirror and saying, “You’re enough,” even when the world says otherwise.

I’m not writing this to beg for forgiveness. I’m writing it because I’ve finally forgiven myself. And now I’m ready to be accountable. To be better. To be real.

I know I can’t undo the hurt I’ve caused. I can’t rewrite the past. But I can show you who I am now. I can let you in. I can tell you why I was hurting instead of making you feel it. I can choose softness over defense. I can choose truth over pride.

I’m not who I was. I’m not who everyone wanted me to be. I’m just me. And for the first time, that feels like enough.

If you ever wondered why I pushed you away, why I snapped, why I disappeared—it wasn’t you. It was the pain I didn’t know how to carry. But I’m learning now. I’m healing now. And I want to do it out loud.

I appreciate your patience, your distance, and whatever boundary you had to draw to protect yourself from me. I understand now.

This letter may never reach you. But I hope my actions do.

—Me

By: Ms. Butterfly Genesis