The Memoir Of Ms. Butterfly

I find myself in the place where I’m asking myself where, when, and how I could end up here again.

I find myself in a bowl of different emotions hoping to Unroll all these other emotions that have rolled up in a giant ball that might drop at the edge of a dime if I am not careful.

Many people would ask why when I opened the door again for something; I was so determined to keep it closed because I hated what I was becoming and felt like no matter what I did or said, I wasn’t going to be good enough or sorry enough to move forward.

I know then no one is ever supposed to say never, but when it comes to certain things in my life, I know I could never say because I heard from my horse mouth.

Even though that someone has and was able to bring me joy at a particular time in my life. Where I am in my life, I don’t know if I am working on impulse when I decide that I would be okay with opening that door again?

When I opened the door to that someone, I thought I had most of my inner struggles under control. But, honestly speaking, I don’t have shit under control.

I am someone that seriously prides herself in having control over certain things in her life because physically, I don’t have control over things because I need so much.

Love and my heart are the only things I control over who and when I decide to give them away. When it came to my person, I felt like I didn’t get a chance to decide because my heart did it for me.

I want to ask questions, but I want to get answers, but part of me is not ready for those answers because I’ll get the worst before getting if I ever get the best.

Closing a circle is always tricky because you don’t know where or how to tie off the loop.

Ms. Butterfly Genesis