The Memoir Of Ms. Butterfly

I have so many people in my life.
I had hurt those who genuinely tried loving me for me when I had the strength to be the real me.
I could honestly say no one knew when I was trying to be the real me because I developed such a lair reputation that made it difficult for anyone to trust me.

Now that I have this time of reflection, I can’t help but think how fuck up I am as a person because I was able to lie, feeling no kind of remorse about who I was hurting.

Even though I felt no remorse at the time, I was hurting myself at the time for not allowing myself to be my authentic self. After all, I always thought that people would not like my authentic self because I have struggled to like myself.

So I would project my dislike about myself onto others, not understanding that the only thing they were trying to do was love me if I gave them a chance.

I could be sorry until I am blue in the face; that doesn’t mean that anyone should forgive what it does mean when someone is being honest with you, you should give it right back.

Reflection time has left me wondering what if and wishing I could go back to that one true love.

Ms. Butterfly Genesis