The Memoir Of Ms. Butterfly

I have no control over my body because my disability does not allow my ability to shine through.

Other people have control over my body, so I decided to control what I put in my mouth.

That’s when that demon that I had no idea was living inside of me or how quickly it was going to take control of me, just like everything else in my life.

The demon was food. I was looked at food as my biggest inner struggle with myself because I understood mentally I needed to live, but physically, I had other thoughts on how my body should look.

Control, to me, is a powerful thing for me, and food was that power my body could not give to me. So I began starving myself, hoping and praying as I’m physically harming myself. I could finally disappear so I could stop listening to others calling me fat or just not seeing myself in a positive light because of how I have been conditioned throughout my life.

Today I look healthy, but mentally I struggle to see the person looking back at me because I’m not too fond of the body I’m in.
In many ways, I’m conflicted because part of me feels like if I were not in this organization, I would not be pushing myself this hard to prove that my disability has been my ability to do the impossible. The other side of me feels like I would rather not be here because I am in prison in my own body.
No magic dust can or will ever make me a 100% percent cure, but at least I know I can’t allow my dark side to win.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴