The Memoir Of Ms. Butterfly

I always believe in things that are better unsaid if no one has anything good to say. That’s why I have never bothered to say anything because I’m not trying to hurt anyone’s feelings.
Fuck it; this needs to come out because I’m just choking & there are times I want to hang myself for the stupid shit I keep doing to myself. But, I have opened myself up to a stranger & because I have allowed myself to be like a book, we have managed to become friends.

Anytime I have needed a shoulder to cry upon, he has been that shoulder.

Upon meeting him, I lived in a bubble that sheltered me away from the world I didn’t know existed.
With time & patience, he made me feel safe enough to venture out of my bubble to learn how to live in the real world.
I thank him for showing me the real world, but I always thought he would still hold my hand no matter what, but I guess I was wrong.

Our friendship or relationship, whatever people would like to see us, was never perfect, but it was ours to keep safe & to go on.

Then a year ago, our undefined relationship became physical, which was great for me because it had been a while since I had been touch by a man the way he did.
I also understand that no relationship would come out of me just sleeping with him & I was okay with that because I did not give myself any false hope on the type of relationship I had with him. If any time of involvement were to be it would have been