The Memoir Of Ms. Butterfly

I wish I could speak to her without getting upset, but I just can’t because of all the things that come out of her mouth.

My whole body feels like it’s on fire, and that’s why anytime I begin to talk, it sounds like I’m fighting.

I’m not trying to compete with the woman who has given up her youth to make sure I had the chance to live.

I know I should think about how or what I will say to her before saying things that could break a mother’s heart.

A mother who has forgotten about herself to become the best mom she could be to all her children.

My mom is the iron fist that keeps us together as one & the day God calls her to be with him; I’m seriously going to feel it the most because I know I’m no longer going to have her here asking me 50 times a day if I had something to eat or to treat me like baby me when I’m sick.

I understand the biggest reason I could see my 35 years of life is that I have a superwoman as my mom, and I genuinely thank God every day for my super mom.

I find myself frustrated with her in the same breath because I feel like I don’t have the proper communication to tell her what I would love out of life but, most importantly, what I would enjoy out of myself as a person.

The main thing I would like for myself is to find my strengths and weaknesses and understand that I’m so much more than just the limitations my disability has placed in my life.

I feel the only way I can discover these things is if I break away from her.

Knowing that I get my strength from you because you have shown me there is no time to be weak.

Knowing that I find the most comfort when I can put my soul & heart on paper.

It’s also about no longer being a burner to her & also giving her life back to enjoy what’s left of her life before it’s too late.

Knowing that I am trying to find my independence from her will not lay in a man’s arms.

It’s about having something that’s mine & no one else has a voice in that place but for me.

Knowing me is knowing that she is my everything, and even though I struggle, showing her that she is the most important person to me.

I would love to show her beyond words how important & grateful I’m to her.

I feel the only way I can show her just how important she is to me is by showing her that I can stand on my own two feet & there is no need for her to worry about me if something were to happen to her because she got a chance to see me put things together for myself.

She knew that I use to live in fear of saying & doing things I wanted to do for myself because I was not too fond of the world judging me.

As I start to live for myself, I learned that I have the right to decide for myself, and no one else has the right to judge me.
God is the only one who can pass judgment on what I might want to do with my life.

Ms. Butterfly Genesis 🇩🇴