The Memoir Of Ms. Butterfly

How does she stop being a burden to others? I don’t want to be a burden, and I don’t even want to feel like a burden, but I do. I’m not sure if people understand how much I hate depending on others for every little thing that I desire to do independently.

I’ve always seen my disability as a fantastic thing because it has made me strong in many ways; in other ways, it makes me hate it because I know I can’t, and I won’t ever be able to take care of myself 100%. Still, it’s made me strong because it made me more determined to prove that anything and everything is possible no matter how we come into this world.

The back-and-forth about me not being a good advocate for myself is genuinely I wouldn’t say I like because I speak up for myself. Is it my fault that no one is listening?

It’s easy for people to say you need to learn how to advocate for yourself. Those people are telling me I should become a better advocate for myself. But, unfortunately, I Will never genuinely understand my struggle or understand how to prove that I need certain things to live.

For 39 years and 365 days a year, I always depend on someone for everyday tasks or just a simple shower. Whatever it is, I am dependent on someone, not myself. It’s difficult for me to comprehend that I still can’t go to the bathroom independently. What I found more challenging to understand is that despite my limitation of overcoming a lot of bullshit, whether people want to believe me or not, I fight for the things I believe in myself. I can honestly say but I hate the prison that I live in, which is my body. I hate knowing and understanding, but as long as I have air in my lungs, I will have to rely on someone for my regular care that privacy that I’m so desperate to find. I will never have because I need someone with me at all times. I’m not writing this so people can feel sorry for me.
I’m writing this because I need people to know that despite my disability, I am a person who goes through ups and downs, which have bad days and good days. Still, make it through those days because I know there is something worth fighting for at the end of the day, and that’s me, but if anyone feels like I’m not fighting enough for myself, then fuck you. I’m doing the best I can with what I know and how I know speak for myself.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis