The Memoir Of Ms. Butterfly

Even the most muscular walls have ways of breaking down.

I’ve always been loved as a strong person because I don’t let things bother me or affect most people. Today was a story for the history books.

For the first time, I had no idea how to be strong or if I could be substantial.
My body is damaged, and I’ve always looked at my body as a prison. So I’ve been doing 39 life.

My body has never worked in my favor; I’ve never allowed my limitation to dictate who, when, and how I get through life.

I’ve never seen my disability as an actual disability but as an ability to teach other people and push myself to do things that I thought could never be possible because of the label that disability holds.

Yes, I knew sooner or later things would slow down for me, but what I am living now feels like somebody just hit the brakes Without giving me a second thought.
My reality is I can’t be who I used to be because I don’t have the same support I once had for me to be who I use to be.

Now my life revolves around other people’s free time or the availability to feel like myself again.

I was not crying out of sadness, more or less out of frustration that I can do for myself the way I would like to do for myself.

I know many people reading this or listening would be like, why would I be frustrated that my body cannot do the things I want to do when I lived this way for 39 years. But it’s frustrating to know that my reality is that I’m going to be doing a life sentence that, no matter how much or how little of prepared for it, I’ve never been ready.

As my walls were breaking in front of my eyes, he was there to watch me break down and listen to me when I felt more alone than ever.

It was challenging to be vulnerable uncontrollably, but it was amazing to see him being so concerned and being that shoulder I needed it.

It’s funny how life works itself out. I would never catch myself dead being vulnerable with him because I always thought that being vulnerable would be too much for him to handle.

It took me 39 years to figure out that if you consider Your life partner, your real-life partner vulnerability should be expected and wanted it.

I guess every lesson has a purpose and every purpose has a task. Being trapped has forced me to do a lot of reflecting on friendships, relationships, and family. And the biggest thing I’ve gotten out of all of us is that if you don’t show your vulnerable side, how can people understand or know what you need or desire to have.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis