The Memoir Of Ms. Butterfly

Someone asked me am I completely comfortable with who I am? Honestly, I always find myself saying yes because I know that’s what people expect me to say, but I struggle, in all honesty.
I struggle with the ability to be comfortable with myself because my family, in a lot of ways, has never made me feel like they are satisfied with the way I am as far as my disability goes.

I’m not trying to turn this into a bashing session for my family because I know I wouldn’t be anywhere if it wasn’t for them.
Still, I also have some intense struggles because of how they choose to throw things back in my face because I need them more than they could ever possibly need me in any way.
Whenever people talk to me or see me on the street, I know they must think, wow, she is well put together.
That’s because of the family and how her family makes her feel as normal as possible despite her disability. Still, I have a big secret; I know how to fake a smile when needed it.
The only way I am truly comfortable with myself is when I’m around my girlfriends, and writing is number one because I can be myself without being judged or criticized for something I can’t do myself.

Yes, I’ve indeed been disabled all my life, so there’s no way I should not be comfortable with who I am and what I am. However, I’m almost 40 years old.

I should be there already with comfort, but I’m not because I wish I could physically do a lot more for myself. Still, I’m also very grateful for my disability because of it; I have something to say and the determination to live every day to the fullest, whatever every day looks like to the world.
My everyday life is full of struggles and a lot of determination to make it through the day with a smile on my face.
Ms. Butterfly Genesis