The Memoir Of Ms. Butterfly

It’s been a minute since I have put my thoughts on paper or my laptop because the best writing is when I can feel it and make others feel what I’m going through.

Here I’m pouring out my heart again.

My mother feels like I’m ungrateful for everything she does for me or that I don’t understand that one day God will call her up to his kingdom to become one of his Angel that my life wouldn’t be the same.

Yes, I have older siblings who love me dearly, but nothing is like a mother loving her child.

She is the one who gets up with me when I am not feeling well.

She is the one that dirty her hands are wiping my ass when no one else is willing to because to everyone else, that’s just nasty to clean someone else ass, but to her, it’s like second nature.

She has become my full-time aid when the aids don’t show up or when they do show up, and they realize they can’t do the job for whatever reason.

Here she comes to save the day without a second thought, just like any mom helping their child.

How can she think I am not grateful? I am just not the type of person who does not voice my opinion or agree with everything she says only because, without her, my day-to-day becomes too complete hold.

My mom has given up her own life, but not only that, but she has also given up the chance of having her personal life too.

I’m blessed to have such a strong mom, just like a rock, but having her as a foundation comes with more weight than I would like.

I’m not perfect, and I’m not trying to be.

I don’t mind rocking the many different boats I may have in my life.
I don’t mind fighting.

I know I can be disrespectful at times by what I say and how I say things, but if I could be honest, the only thing I should apologize for is how I say something.

What I’m not going to do is apologize for is my feelings or speaking up for myself.

I know she feels that I should say yes to everything that comes out of her mouth or disrespectfully talk to her as I do because she has sacrificed so much already.

The knowledge that she has made sacrifices.

I will probably sound like a real bitch right now, but with all the sacrifices she has made for me, I had no idea she was making them, and I didn’t ask her to make them.

So why should I have her sacrifices over my head? Anytime I open my mouth. I understand that God is the only one who knows what my life could have been if she hadn’t made those sacrifices.

All I’m saying is that I’m tired of hearing that I need to be grateful to her because she has given up her youth.

She made that choice to have me, and no, I am not trying to say that just because she chooses to have me doesn’t mean she should put up with my disrespectful ass.
I’m trying to say that we all make a choice that might seem right at the time for us; at the time doesn’t always mean it’s going to stay the same all the way through. I’m grateful that she had me, but how much longer must I hear that she has given up so much for me?

Ms. Butterfly Genesis🇩🇴