The Memoir Of Ms. Butterfly

She wants to speak for herself through my own words, but no real clue how to do so because she has blocked herself from emotionally feeling anything.

She has become terrified.

To scratch open those feelings can be overwhelming, and who knows if she can handle the aftermath.

She struggles with writing to herself because she has no idea how to open up to herself.

The only thing she can hope for as she sits down with this pen & paper in her hand is that she has a significant breakthrough with herself.

The first thing she would need to tell herself is to stop looking for people’s approval.
The only consent she needs is herself.

To scratch open those feelings can be overwhelming, and who knows if she can handle the aftermath.

She struggles with writing to herself because she has no idea how to open up to herself.

The only thing she can hope for as she sits down with this pen & paper in her hand is that she has a significant breakthrough with herself.

The first thing she would need to tell herself is to stop looking for people’s approval.
The only consent she needs is herself.

To scratch open those feelings can be overwhelming, and who knows if she can handle the aftermath.

She struggles with writing to herself because she has no idea how to open up to herself.

The only thing she can hope for as she sits down with this pen & paper in her hand is that she has a significant breakthrough with herself.

The first thing she would need to tell herself is to stop looking for people’s approval.
The only consent she needs is herself.

How can anyone approve of who and what her options might be if she can’t recommend me as a person?

She shouldn’t hate the body because everyone around her has always found something negative about it.

She knows that she must uplift herself & treat her body like a temple and not abuse it by having a love–hate relationship with food.

She put all the responsibilities of hating her body on others.

However, she also must realize that she has never been strong enough to tell those people to shut the fuck up when they say she is fat.

She smiles and plays it off like it never bothers her. Or take it out on herself by starving herself and throwing up, hoping the pain would go away.

It took her a long time to figure out that she has a horrible relationship with food, which doesn’t hurt them because they never have to go through the motion of hating or starving themselves as she does.

She guesses that for them, it’s a lot easier to say if she would kill herself, go ahead and do it because it’s one less person they need to worry about.

Starving herself has never been the correct answer to her problems, but it’s always been her way of dealing with her pain.

She has always been able to preach to people how they should stand up for themselves and how no one should have the power to bully them.

She is such a pretender because she pretended to be this healthy person who doesn’t allow herself to get intimidated.
When in her heart of hearts, she has constantly been bullied by people and the things they say about her body and her as a person.

Just a smile on her face and pretend that it doesn’t bother her until she finds herself alone with her thoughts & feelings.

Instead of telling them to shut the fuck up, she places a smile like nothing is wrong.

She struggles to stand up for herself because she knows that she is invisible so that no one can see or hear.

Suppose she was going to stand up for herself. She would tell herself it’s not her fault that people feel or see her, and it’s not her job to try and change them.

She needs to accept herself, no matter what anyone might be thinking of her.

Ms. Butterfly Genesis